Monday, November 24, 2014

Baby 4 Week 36: I Should Just Get an Epidural

Week 36

I'm just going to be late on every post now I guess. I'm actually 36 weeks and 4 days. Last week I thought the prodromal labor had begun. I had a couple days of long stretches, like 12 hours, of contractions that were around 10-7 minutes apart. They were not especially painful, but they were not Braxton Hicks, I could really feel them pull at my back and cervix. They felt like early labor contractions. I didn't call my midwife or panic or anything. Without some mucus or spotting or something, I just didn't feel like this could be it, and it wasn't. And this only happened a few days, I'm now back to totally normal Braxton Hicks... having them right now actually. Hi super hard uterus.

Over all, I've been very comfortable this week. Baby is super cute even though I can't see it, it's just cute how it moves and kicks and wiggles. Eric thinks it's creepy.

Even though I am insanely excited about a home water birth... and experiencing a just totally normal birth... I get moments where I'm like... what am I doing? Why am I signing up for possible pain and hard work? I'm taking Hypnobirthing, I love our teacher and Eric and I have totally learned a few things in class, but I hate the affirmations. I also hate admitting that I hate the affirmations, but whenever I try to listen to them I get legitimately angry, and I'm pretty sure that's not their intended purpose. I have a few complaints... but the one I'm going to bring up is the goal of an easy birth. I have had an almost totally painless labor, I believe labor without pain is possible because I've done it. But what even IS an "easy birth" and should that really be our goal? Labor is an accomplishment, and big accomplishments usually don't come easy. Even if this birth is not painful, I don't expect it to be easy... so why am I even doing this to myself?

And yes I know this is crazy for a natural childbirth educator to be admitting, but sometimes I'm just a scared mom too...

That's when I question everything I believe and wonder why I don't just go to the hospital and get that epidural and do a little half sit up and push out my baby between giggles like my friend Amy did. When I think about this maybe hurting, that's what I think about. Why not make it easy.

But I've had an epidural. I've had two. Neither were easy for me. So what is wrong with me? For how much I know how do societal beliefs about birth still seep in and take over my totally informed and passionate birth nut brain?

I'm sharing because I think all moms must get freaked out about their upcoming birth at some point and I'm not any different. I'm 90% totally excited... like... I'm looking forward to it like kids look forward to Christmas. But part of me is like... ugh... it could be really hard.

It also could be the most amazing experience of my life. I don't think I want to miss out on that possibility.

By the way... my friend Amy welcomed her 4th baby via a planned natural birth, and the biggest lover of epidurals I know loved her natural birth.

Did all that make sense? I don't even know.

Let's do a belly compare... yes? Pictures are simple.

36 weeks with baby 4!
36 weeks with Indy.
36 weeks with Ash.

36 weeks with Milo.

I don't think there's any question which baby is the biggest! I actually weigh the most with Milo, but my belly with Indy is huge! This baby is still measuring right on for a 9 pound baby at 40 weeks. I'll take it!

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
             Milo, Week 36: Who Gave The Baby a Knife?
             Ash, Week 36: Pregnant Women Should Come with Warnings
             Indy,  Week 36:  Not Even a Simmer... I Swear

- Cori

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