Thursday, August 21, 2014

Baby 4 Week 23: If you could not try to fuck my husband that would be awesome + Ultrasound pics/video

Week 23

I feel pretty amazing! I love this pregnancy. No aches or pains, I didn't even really have any heartburn this week. And baby is moving a ton now, I can easily feel him or her from the outside and it's so cool. Definitely does not get old at all, everything feels fresh and exciting for this pregnancy. The only way that it feels like I've done this three times before is just in feeling really relaxed about everything. When you know more, I feel like there is less to worry and wonder about. I guess knowing too much is a problem for some people... but I think there is a difference between having too much information... and understanding it.

I really can't wait to meet this little one, but I also could be pregnant forever at this point... until I think about cake. I think my friends wait until I have gestational diabetes to share the most amazing recipes... samoas coconut cream pie... french toast casserole... I know... shut up right? Being really careful with my diet has paid off though. My blood sugar is still 100% within my target range, I've only gained back two of the eleven pounds I lost in early pregnancy, and I just feel really good. I might be totally dooming my next week... but I promised to be honest with you guys so that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Now about girls trying to have sex with my husband, especially when I'm pregnant... then we'll get to the ultrasound stuff. So I've only ever been with musicians, boyfriends and husbands. Musicians get attention from girls... I know... I'm a girl... and they all got my attention.

I married that guy.

When you marry a musician you have to figure out how you are going to deal with that. Are you going to be cool? Protective? Cut bitches with broken bottles? Personally... I'm kinda a blend depending on whether or not I have a uterine occupant. We are headed into irrational territory here, so don't judge me... or you can... but I'm in the broken bottle phase right now so maybe don't say anything about it.

I've never really worried about Eric because before he and I were even interested in each other, I watched girls try to hook up with him. I watched him kick totally willing girls out of his bed... and eventually I tried and failed myself. He's never been with someone outside of marriage, and doesn't seem to have any curiosity in what that's like.

So there is no reason for me to get super crazy when women hit on Eric, after all... it takes two. But for some reason when I'm pregnant it happens more often, and it bothers me a lot more. I shared about it for the first time when Eric's band played in Colorado and this girl would not back off... so naturally... I wanted to murder her. When I was pregnant with Indy I found hand prints on the inside of Eric's car window... which obviously meant he was having sex with women on his lunch break, like Titanic... and he was working on docks... could have been ON the Titanic. I warned you, this is totally irrational territory here. Maybe it's baby trying to ensure a stable family before he or she arrives. Maybe it's just hormones. Whatever it is... it's back.

Eric doesn't really play music anymore, but he does preform as a Ghostbuster for various charity events. So replace image above with this one now:

I did not know I was marrying a Ghostbuster by the way...

I think Eric is super attractive, but the Ghostbuster thing really doesn't do anything for me. Apparently... I'm alone in that. It's really not uncommon for him to come home from events and search instagram or twitter, looking for pictures from the event and find posts like this:

Doesn't bother me. Now when I know hundreds of girls, some of them basically in underwear, are putting their arms around him to take pictures, there is mild annoyance... but I make sure rational side wins in those moments. I should just be proud right? Well two weekends ago rational side lost... and it was ugly.

Eric and some other Ghostbusters were invited to a Bill Murray art show. Eric decided to also make and exhibit some art:

And he turned out to be the best seller in the show:

Turns out... if he was offering more than just his art, he probably could have been the best seller in the show that way too. I always ask if women hit on him at events, so I asked as usual and he said yeah. I was busy cleaning cages so didn't ask more, but followed up later and he said yeah, one was super forward. She said she never does this (lie, that's always a lie) but this was basically her fantasy and she had to ask... and then something about wanting to mount a pack, asked if that interested him or something. He showed her his ring and said his wife wouldn't appreciate it... I think he should have charged her for alone time with just his pack. She acted horrified that she propositioned a married man, and brought it up again later... but yeah... girls see rings.

Next girl just made a comment outside about how much action Eric must get being the hottest Ghostbuster, not a direct proposition. More classy yeah? Eric replied, "Yeah, at home" and I was satisfied with that response. This might be swinging in the opposite direction of crazy jealousy, but I don't want him to feel like his wife is holding him back from something... which I occasionally ask... and he treats me like I'm crazy... because he doesn't even get how people can just meet, and have sex, and be into that. Then I start to explain how people can be totally into that and Eric stops me because I might be about to mention things he likes to pretend didn't happen. Fair enough.

The next girl Eric said seemed to be flirting and wanting to hook up, but was "really cool" about it. He said she was really nice and he liked talking to her. No reaction, I just tried to listen. I asked what kinds of things she said and did, no pleas to mount his pack, just inviting him back to the city in the future, sharing where she worked (which involved alcohol), dragging him onto the dance floor... etc etc... This one, for some reason, started to set something off, maybe because Eric thought she was cool, or because he continued to initiate conversation when he probably should have walked away, maybe because after knowing he had a wife and kids she still put her hands on him and pulled him onto the dance floor, even though he didn't dance... because Eric doesn't... I don't know... but I quietly stewed over it... all day.... which I never do. I always air grievances immediately and let them go... but I let this one simmer, reduce, and intensify.

By late that night I had decided that I was not ok, and said so. I went from calm to door slamming and sobbing pretty quickly, I think because Eric tried to defend her, and him... instead of saying, "yeah I probably should have walked away" or "she was totally out of line" and we could have left it at that. I also feel like the concept of a good relationship is constantly under attack, and I'm genuinely afraid of being duped. I'm constantly encountering online chatter about the nature of men (all men do this, if they don't, they are lying), and we have been watching a lot of Catfish lately and watching people be lied to for long periods of time, and Dr. Phil cheater shows of course don't help... "for every rat you see there's 50 you don't," fuck did I see a rat??? And then the pregnancy paranoia does the rest I guess. Why wouldn't any guy cheat on his pregnant, not exciting, same old wife when he totally could? How did I get lucky and get a good... pretty much perfect one? God it's always the perfect ones too.

I felt better the next day, kinda stupid, but also justified... and I was ok with that not making sense either. Eric wasn't upset by it, which started me down "well shouldn't he be upset" but I reeled it back in. I haven't decided if I'm allowed to have one of these meltdowns once every couple years or not. I have however definitely decided that I really prefer other women not try to fuck my husband, especially when I'm pregnant.

And soon after this Eric felt baby kick for the first time... in the face... maybe baby was keeping dad in check... "don't stress out mom... just wait til I'm out and she can manage her emotions again."

I'm glad I'm admitting this even if it's totally embarrassing. I've actually had my birth class students call me and say "I just completely freaked out on my husband, I've never done that before, are we ok?" So just in case anyone else has done what I did two weekends ago... you aren't alone.

If you read all that, get up and stretch or something... because that was ridiculous.

What felt like was forever away already came and went, we had our anatomy scan! This will hopefully be the last ultrasound of the pregnancy. Everything looked perfect. Here are some of the pictures we got, and a video of the whole ultrasound. Feel free to try to figure out if baby is a boy or a girl... I wont be analyzing the video :) I am not sure I have ever thought any of the babies were this cute via ultrasound, I can't wait to meet this little person.

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
                    Milo, Week 23: Coasting, Gaining, Swelling
                    Ash, Week 23: Oldies But Goodies
                    Indy, Week 23: As long as we're pointing fingers...
 - Cori

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