Thursday, June 19, 2014

Baby 4 Week 14: Compromises I'm Unwilling to Make

Week 14

I am officially in my second trimester! I still don't really feel like I'm pregnant. I was a little more tired this week, I really felt the toll of the late night Orange is the New Black marathons... and by late night, I mean 11pm, and by marathon... I mean either one whole episode or MAYBE two episodes. Yesterday I woke Eric up at 9am and told him to make sure the kids don't die, I need a nap... and passed out for 2 hours. I went to bed at 11:30pm the night before, but 7 hours just isn't cutting it. I have a theory that pregnant women kinda slowly turn into babies over the course of their pregnancy... spitting up, frequent naps, unpredictable digestion, middle of the night feedings, rolling over becomes a big accomplishment, bursting into tears without warning. It all makes sense now.

I saw Dr. Chandler on Monday for what I hoped would end with "go, have your home birth." and it pretty much did! My blood sugar looks awesome. I definitely have gestational diabetes, there's no doubt about that, but over all my numbers are very well controlled. The fact that I already had a good diet helps a lot. Dr. C was worried I was starving myself to control my numbers but I assured him that this is just how much food I eat normally... unless I'm breastfeeding... then it's on. My fasting numbers are still mostly in the 90's. I questioned him on why a pregnant woman needed to keep her numbers under 90, or 92, or 95 (I literally heard all three this pregnancy) and a nonpregnant woman could be under a 100 (what my new midwife is going by). He said it just depends on the provider, adding, "We could make everyone diabetic if we wanted, just move the limit down." The number seems to be pretty arbitrary, I feel very comfortable for shooting for under 100 now.

We checked my blood pressure again because it was high last time, and it was high again. However, I noticed that both times the cuff was painfully tight... like my hand started tingling... and it had to tighten and release several times. It really hurt. The reading was 149/80something. High. Dr. C said to check again with my midwife and if everything is fine to not worry about it. I checked when I got home and it was 125/79... with similar readings a few times since then. So I think I'm good!

So basically I just have to stay healthy at this point. I'm not going to lie, it is taking a lot of commitment. I workout every day for an hour. I went to boot camp for the first time in two years to mix up my routine. I was worried I wouldn't be able to keep up, but I had no problem at all. Anything where I had to get up and down a lot was a little rough because I can get light headed at times and sometimes straightening my abs quickly hurts... but it was still a fun class. The music has gotten better since I went last, and that's really what is important right?

I'm drinking a lot of smoothies... ice, greek yogurt, strawberries, spinach and flax. They don't raise my blood sugar too much and they are great for when I just want popsicles and ice cream... which is all the time. I'm warming up to salads again. Quinoa remains a staple. My diet is so much better than this point with my other pregnancies. I've actually lost 10 pounds, but I really think this has more to do with less and less breastfeeding  (maybe a few times a week now) and nausea than my diet. Also, in the months right before the pregnancy I gained almost 10 pounds (because I went off Metformin I think) so I feel ok with the loss, I'm now where I was for most of the last year.

Last week I talked about the planning our home birth and finding our midwife, I haven't really talked about why we are planning a home birth. I have thought about this a lot. I didn't have horrible hospital births, I'm really proud of my last birth even though it was medicated, I don't feel the least bit driven to home birth by negative hospital experiences. I had some basic things I wanted to avoid, like a long postpartum stay (24 hours way too long for me) or not having access to a tub in labor... and I had both an OB and a midwife share how I can get around those things... and they are right... I could fight for them... but... I just don't want to. I shouldn't have to!

I decided I'm not willing to compromise on many aspects of my birth because I know there is no reason that I should have to. Compromises that have nothing to do with my safety, my baby's safety, and everything to do with a system that is very proud and very slow to change. I've done this too many times and I know all too well how unnecessary many policies are. Could I go in and refuse an IV, absolutely, I've done it twice... but I don't want to. Can I insist on intermittent monitoring? Of course, I've done that too... but I don't want to. Could I birth my baby in whatever position I want? Probably... but there is always a risk that there will be a debate... and I don't want to do that either. I just want to birth my baby the way that I know all women have the right to, and I will fight to change the system... but not during my birth. I just want to labor and birth my baby. Should any intervention become necessary, I will of course consent, and I would be ok with it just as I was ok with it in the past. But I'm not going to discuss routine interventions. I'm beyond that. I don't want to have to think one time "Do you know how informed I am? Do you know what I do?" I just want to be a mom having a baby... undisturbed... and I know that that is almost impossible in our hospitals, so we are staying home... and I'm way fucking stoked.

These posts have been awful long. Thanks for hanging in with me!

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:

- Cori

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