Sunday, June 5, 2011

Bumpoholic

Hi my name is Cori... and I think I'm addicted to pregnancy.



From the moment I tear open the test to hearing my new baby's first cry, the entire pregnancy/birth experience is a high for me. After Ash was born I thought we might wait a little longer for another, maybe a year. We planned to space out babies using natural family planning, but since I am breastfeeding full time I didn't expect to ovulate any time soon any way. Suddenly, at 7 weeks postpartum I started bleeding... I thought I had injured myself and saw my midwife. I felt a lot like a 12 year old little girl as I was being told it looked like it was just my period. My midwife didn't know it but she had just lit this crack whore's pipe... I knew if I was fertile then there was no way I would be able to control my need for another pregnancy and I marked my calendar for day 14 in my cycle.

As I checked off the days til Pee-Day (pregnancy test day!) I had plenty of time to consider whether I'm just addicted to pregnancy tests (if so, I am not alone, google it), if I just liked the attention of being pregnant, or if I really wanted another baby. I read about other "bumpoholics" to see if I a passion or a problem.

The pregnancy tests I definitely think I'm addicted to. For days (weeks actually) I am looking forward to that test. Even when I know I'm pregnant already I'm still tempted to keep taking them, I just love that line. Jill at Baby Rabies blogged this week about how in that minute between peeing on the stick and seeing that line you know whether or not you truly want a baby or not. I have never spent that minute not hoping for two lines.

As for loving the attention a bump brings, I don't think that's it. All the reading I did talked about mothers using pregnancy to fill a void (octo mom anyone?), to have something to talk about, and to feed their self esteem. I have plenty to say and I'm not shy about it, I don't need a belly or a baby to break the ice. My only self esteem issue is that I think I'm so awesome that I need to fill the world with more little me's.

So today was Pee-day. I had my minute of refection. Do I really want to do this? I know, shouldn't I be asking that before actually doing it? If that second line appears it means 14 weeks of puking in front of my house (fave puking spot in case you missed my last pregnancy), 40 weeks of gaining and abstaining (from alcohol that is), and who knows how many hours of labor, pushing, bleeding... uuuhhhhhhh... uuhhhh.... YEP! Yes I definitely want to do this ALL again and I want that baby, STAT! Line line line line... damnit no line.

That's ok, I think the number one reason why I'm not shipping myself to baby rehab is that I am thrilled with my life right now as it is. Trying to conceive again is like the icing on an already perfect cake or the cinnamon on my fave latte. We are fine without it but it makes things just a little more exciting... so only 28 or so more days til another Pee-day :)

2 comments:

  1. I too think I am a "bumpoholic"! As soon as Reese was being put on my chest, my first thought was "I can't wait to do this again!"

    I had a super easy pregnancy and delivery, which I'm sure contribute to my desire to do it again. I think it if had been more difficult I MIGHT be a little more apprehensive, but even then I'm pretty sure I'd still want to!

    I've definitely questioned whether it was the attention pregnancy brings or how good I felt about myself with my big baby belly, but it really is the whole overall experience and the sheer power of what my body is capable of that I am so in love with.

    I love that you blogged this because it makes me feel MUCH less crazy, haha...now if only I can get Russ on board with the thought of another baby...

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  2. I too think I am a "bumpoholic"! As soon as Reese was being put on my chest, my first thought was "I can't wait to do this again!"

    I had a super easy pregnancy and delivery, which I'm sure contribute to my desire to do it again. I think it if had been more difficult I MIGHT be a little more apprehensive, but even then I'm pretty sure I'd still want to!

    I've definitely questioned whether it was the attention pregnancy brings or how good I felt about myself with my big baby belly, but it really is the whole overall experience and the sheer power of what my body is capable of that I am so in love with.

    I love that you blogged this because it makes me feel MUCH less crazy, haha...now if only I can get Russ on board with the thought of another baby...

    ReplyDelete