Thursday, June 16, 2011

Tap... Tap... Face Punch.

Sometimes it's in a sermon.
Sometimes it's in a song.
Sometimes it's from a fellow blogger.
Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere...

I don't know about you, but I require a certain number of face punches from life each year to keep me on track. I need to be shaken, I need "You are being an ass!" screamed in my face, and if I don't listen I need shitty things to happen to me until I do. Taps from God don't typically work... face punches do every once in a while...

I of course had to tune in to the final episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show. I wasn't overly emotional about her departure. I enjoyed the show but sometimes I thought Oprah was kinda crazy, that she pushed some obscure false spirituality, the kind people like Madonna subscribe to. But over the course of her final season I was feeling very drawn in by her. I felt myself getting little "pay attention" taps on my head and little "listen up" whispers. But... I don't do self help gurus. I don't need "Ah ha" moments. I don't need fixing... at least not til I'm broken down on the side of the road... this coming from the girl who has actually ran out of gas in front of gas stations 3 times.

This wasn't a tap... and my car didn't break down... it blew up.

“You are responsible for the energy you bring into this space.”
I am totally irresponsible with my energy. My personality is such that I get very full of myself very fast, I forget others have feelings, or if I do remember I forget I'm supposed to care. Even when I am aware of what a pain in the ass I am being, I feel that someone else is responsible for it. It's always a little embarrassing when it takes so long to really get something so obvious. I'm sure God has been trying to deliver that one to me for a while...

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My Mommy Body Tantrum

If you don't want to hear me throw a toddler worthy fit over my post baby body, go ahead and skip this post. I've been holding this back for a few weeks now, because who wants to take precious time out of their day to read five paragraphs of whining and complaints... well... hopefully you do.

We all know that no one loves what their body looks like just after having a baby, it's an absolute mess. Stretch marks and saggy skin don't exactly spell sexy... actually, I might be able to find the word sexy in my elaborate web of stretch marks... but you know what I mean. I don't love the wreckage Milo and Ash have left in their wake, but I've accepted it. What I can't accept is the fat that my body insists on holding on to no matter what I do. It's awful, and I'm afraid there's nothing I can do to shed it.

Yes I've heard it takes 9 months to gain the weight and 9 months to take it off... and I know I just gave birth to two gorgeous little boys less than 18 months apart and I should be happy with my body and its amazing ability to give life. The power of that is not lost on me. However, I don't feel like this body is the one I deserve. I go out for a run, I feel strong and amazing and I get home, look in the mirror, and the person I see doesn't look like she could get up a flight of stairs let alone though 90 minutes of intense cardio.

I feel I'm doing so much "right" when it comes to fitness, but I'm enjoying none of the benefits. I'm obsessed with MyFitnessPal and I count all my calories. I'm training for my first half marathon, so I run 15-20 miles a week plus I do other cardio like kickboxing, walking with the kids and hiking. But I don't fit in any of my clothes and the scale has not budged in 7 weeks. It's like spending months carefully tending a garden but not getting a single bloom, fruit, or vegetable for your labor. It's absolutely unfair!

I know nursing is holding me back from reaching my weight loss goal. I struggled with this while nursing Milo, but I somehow convinced myself that it wouldn't happen again. My doctor said that my body will not let me tap into my fat stores because it is preparing for a famine. Awesome. I believe my body is also preparing for a flood because right now I would make an excellent floatation device.

I guess I should appreciate that I have a body that prepares for the worst, but I really rather have a body that prepares for swim suit season. I know I'll lose the weight when I wean Ash, when I weaned Milo I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks. I wish I could be rewarded right now for my hard work and not feel punished for my dedication to giving my son the best food for him. I can't say anything more eloquent about it than it sucks and I hate it.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Toddler Milestone: Coloring on the Wall, Status: Acheived

When Eric finished painting our newly retextured walls I knew there would come a day when we would be scrubbing crayon off them. I know Eric didn't think our children would ever do anything so destructive, but as someone who has spent most of her adult life caring for young children, I know if there is a child and a crayon in the same room... that crayon is going to end up on a wall.

To save our perfectly painted, not scrubbing friendly walls from toddler destruction, crayons live in the sun room where there is only wood paneling (classy) and glass. However, last night a crayon somehow stowed away into the living room, and with Eric and I sitting just feet away, it met wall. I thought that when this finally happened I would be mad, put Milo in time-out (which we've never used) and firmly scold him so he would never do it again. That's not what happened.

I laughed, but tried to get out a stern "no no." I got the camera and had Milo stand next to his art work, he was so proud, I just couldn't help myself. If he was a more rebellious kid then maybe I would have been more stern, but he's the type of little boy that will usually burst into tears at a disapproving look from me. When I do discipline him over doing something off limits, like climbing on the hearth, he never does it again. So hopefully he doesn't draw on the wall again... but getting that moment of him being so proud of his work is worth having crayon on the wall.

I've included pictures of the artist and his work, plus you can get a bonus video of Milo showing off his sweet vocab and artwork HERE!

So... who knows how to get crayon off walls... seriously...

Milo is 19 months old.

Sunday, June 5, 2011


Hi my name is Cori... and I think I'm addicted to pregnancy.

From the moment I tear open the test to hearing my new baby's first cry, the entire pregnancy/birth experience is a high for me. After Ash was born I thought we might wait a little longer for another, maybe a year. We planned to space out babies using natural family planning, but since I am breastfeeding full time I didn't expect to ovulate any time soon any way. Suddenly, at 7 weeks postpartum I started bleeding... I thought I had injured myself and saw my midwife. I felt a lot like a 12 year old little girl as I was being told it looked like it was just my period. My midwife didn't know it but she had just lit this crack whore's pipe... I knew if I was fertile then there was no way I would be able to control my need for another pregnancy and I marked my calendar for day 14 in my cycle.

As I checked off the days til Pee-Day (pregnancy test day!) I had plenty of time to consider whether I'm just addicted to pregnancy tests (if so, I am not alone, google it), if I just liked the attention of being pregnant, or if I really wanted another baby. I read about other "bumpoholics" to see if I a passion or a problem.

The pregnancy tests I definitely think I'm addicted to. For days (weeks actually) I am looking forward to that test. Even when I know I'm pregnant already I'm still tempted to keep taking them, I just love that line. Jill at Baby Rabies blogged this week about how in that minute between peeing on the stick and seeing that line you know whether or not you truly want a baby or not. I have never spent that minute not hoping for two lines.

As for loving the attention a bump brings, I don't think that's it. All the reading I did talked about mothers using pregnancy to fill a void (octo mom anyone?), to have something to talk about, and to feed their self esteem. I have plenty to say and I'm not shy about it, I don't need a belly or a baby to break the ice. My only self esteem issue is that I think I'm so awesome that I need to fill the world with more little me's.

So today was Pee-day. I had my minute of refection. Do I really want to do this? I know, shouldn't I be asking that before actually doing it? If that second line appears it means 14 weeks of puking in front of my house (fave puking spot in case you missed my last pregnancy), 40 weeks of gaining and abstaining (from alcohol that is), and who knows how many hours of labor, pushing, bleeding... uuuhhhhhhh... uuhhhh.... YEP! Yes I definitely want to do this ALL again and I want that baby, STAT! Line line line line... damnit no line.

That's ok, I think the number one reason why I'm not shipping myself to baby rehab is that I am thrilled with my life right now as it is. Trying to conceive again is like the icing on an already perfect cake or the cinnamon on my fave latte. We are fine without it but it makes things just a little more exciting... so only 28 or so more days til another Pee-day :)

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Spring Cleaning

Time for some spring cleaning... I know it's almost summer (I actually count June 1st as the start of summer so lets just call this summer) but I just had a baby so MY spring was a blur of breastfeeding, burping, blow-outs and just enough sleep in between to keep me from seriously losing it. But we made it through baby bootcamp and now Ash is pretty much on schedule so I can do just a little more than merely survive.

The plan for today was to go for a run and then go a hike with the fam but it's a stormy mess outside so I think I'll spend the day putting my blog back together. I don't know what happened to my background and my header looks more suited for fall. Out with the old and in with some much needed new!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Breastfeeding in Public is Offensive

I've seen people sharing this and I think it's great. Mmmmm hypocrisy. My fave. I pulled this off of Analytical Armadillo, though the original source is unknown. Personally, I'm just pro boob be it feeding a baby or selling a beer, chill out everyone.

I’m thankful for not having boobs thrown in my face all the time by offensive and indecent breastfeeding mothers like the one below:

Wait… Well, this is a bad example. Let’s try again.

Hmm… Just a minute. I’m sure I can find better ones than these…

Eh, still not offensive enough. I’ll check one more time.

That is better. LOOK AT THAT! I see about a half inch of boob!

UGH. Look at that indecency!

Now that’s just…There are no words to describe how inappropriate that is. Something needs to be done!
But why stop at breastfeeding women? There are boobs everywhere. Beware! If you thought the above photos were offensive, you WILL DEFINITELY be offended by the photos below.

Not this one though. This one was in plain view on news stands and in mail boxes in 19 countries world wide!

Not this one, either. This one actually won an award!

Oh, and I guess this one is fine too. Everyone knows you can’t sell jeans without someone being topless.

Or beer, for that matter.

Or sunglasses.

Or movie tickets.

Or CDs…

You know what? Maybe I’m crazy, but I think that someone mixed up some photos here. The first batch are offensive, but the second batch are just fine?

People who live in glass bras...

Shouldn’t throw stones.

If you think women have the right to breastfeed their children no matter where they are, please repost this… comment, vote it popular whatever. Support breastfed babies and their right to eat in public!

No Creative Title...

I haven't been blogging lately, I hope you all noticed and missed me. At first I was just busy with a newborn who only slept for 40-90 minutes at a time. Then I felt uninspired. Then I began to wonder if anyone even reads my posts anymore. Then I wanted to get rid of our computer all together because I felt like it made us unproductive... And by then writing wasn't a habit anymore and if you write, you know the more you do it the easier it is... like working out... if you stop, starting again makes you feel how out of shape you are so you avoid it... and it's amazing how out of shape you can get in two months. Proof: I'm typing with a zillion ellipses which is how I type when I'm being lazy. Time to get back into shape and let you all know what we've been up to.

Baby Ash
So much to share about baby Ash. I last posted just after his birth, which I hadn't even really processed yet. I've now processed. I talked to Eric and my midwife about the birth from their perspectives (both thought I did an amazing job) and I have seen video (which I will eventually share once Eric edits it) of me working through contractions. I know that labor was amazing. I loved working through contractions, I felt completely in control and safe. Pushing, however, was fast, furious, and frightening. I wondered if I wanted to do that again, I was afraid every birth would be like that. My midwife said her births were all different. Some were just like mine, but some (at the pushing stage) were more relaxed. That was comforting.

I didn't feel an immediate satisfaction in reaching my goal of a natural child birth like I expected, but my recovery made it all worth it. I was barely sore just days after the birth, compared to weeks of pain after Milo's birth. And it did feel great to know that everything happened just as God and nature intended. I'm so fascinated by how our bodies work, and whether easy or hard, I needed to know how natural labor felt. I'm a curious person and I can't imagine going my whole life without experiencing that, to basically be left out of a very important club. And because I'm curious about what the next birth will be like (and because I appreciate easy recoveries and happy, alert babies) we will plan to have the next baby naturally too.

Not only have I been able to process the birth but I have had plenty of time to get to know this wonderful new baby. Ash has been my lesson in humility. Milo came home sleeping through the night and never fussed... not rarely... never. He also slept almost anywhere. Ash slept for short periods of time, mainly in my arms. Sweet... for the first 72 hours. Long story short, he's sleeping in our bed, I'm wearing him, I'm doing whatever I have to do to keep him happy and get some rest. My rules are being tossed out the window left and right. I had wondered if the people who co-slept and wore their babies did so because of the their own temperaments or the baby's. Could be both, but for us it has been Ash who has determined how we care for him. He is clear about his needs and who are we to deny him? It's all very interesting to me, oh and humbling, because part of me thought Milo was this easy baby because I was such an amazing mom. I might still be amazing, but not amazing enough to change a baby's temperament.

Ash has started to sleep a little longer at night, perhaps a full night's sleep is on the horizon! He soothes himself by sucking his thumb and loves his activity mat. So, a couple months of being a co-sleeping, baby wearing mama didn't produce a clingy baby like a feared. See I admit when I'm wrong (mark your calendar, it doesn't happen often).

Oh more humility! I was never sore with Milo, of course because I was so good at breastfeeding! Or so I thought. With Ash I was in agony for two weeks, and on top of that Ash was having allergic reactions to various food that I was eating. Again, I am grateful for the challenge (though not for Ash's discomfort!). Now I know what cracked, bleeding nipples feel like. I have now had a baby who has a poor latch. I have had a baby that nurses continuously. I've even experienced dysphoric milk ejaculation reflex (d-mer) which basically makes you want to throw your baby while you nurse it, so awesome. Now I've had a frustrating nursing relationship and felt the desire to quit! But now I can help other women who are experiencing those feelings! I still believe these are no excuse to quit. I'm glad I can tell other women "I've been there, it gets better!" Ash is now a pro at the breast and I can be satisfied knowing I persevered in doing what's best for him.

Milo & Ash

Milo is pretty oblivious to Ash. Ash sleeps mainly in his car seat and if he is fussing Milo will walk over and start rocking the car seat to quiet him down. Sometimes he will take Ash a toy and walk away, but that's about it. Oh but Milo is very aware of when I am breastfeeding! When I'm tied down with Ash is when he bolts for the first off limits activity he spots, pushing buttons on the baby swing or sneaking into the dining room. Other than that, no signs of jealousy which is great. Definitely a huge benefit of having babies close together!

All About Milo
Milo is getting to be such a big boy! He is so tall, 35 inches at his 18 month appointment (and 30 pounds!). He still isn't talking much, he knows quite a few words but he is stingy with them. He says no (what toddler doesn't!), hi, uh oh, yeah, dada, mama, night night, thank you, eye, woof woof, bebe, booberry, cracker, cheese, quack quack, and he attempts cock-a-doodle doo, which is sooo cute by the way. Of course when family is around his lips are sealed!

One of the most fun parts of having a toddler is seeing how he mimics us. Milo does the cutest things, like grabbing the boppy and a baby doll and "nursing" it. He's great with the bunnies, he's very gentle. He's also all boy though, and finds stuff to crawl on top of and get into all the time.

Well I think that's enough of an update for now! Summer is nearly here and I'm sure I will have many awesome adventures to share, along with some new parenting lessons I'm sure.

Milo is 19 months old and Ashley is almost 12 weeks old.