Tuesday, October 19, 2010

One Small Step For Girl.... (or, I'm a Big Brave Dog)


I sincerely hope that I write this blog and hundreds of women come out of the woodwork saying "I've felt the same way!" or "I think that all the time!" Or maybe not, because I'm about to admit how immature I can be and how often I think about what other people are thinking.

I have a stupid girly confession that put together, mature women should not have. Hey, maybe they don't, and that's why I'm me and they are them. For the past four years I have changed my running route so that I don't run past my exhusband's parent's house. I know, it's stupid, like by running by their house they are going to think I'm stalking them and like not over their son or something. I don't even know, I just feel like there is an invisible wall of where Salinas becomes "their space" and where Salinas is "my space." I would feel the same, I'm sure, if my ex still lived in town even though I would have no problem seeing him or his parents, no ill will at all.

However, the problem is that their house is at the corner of my favorite running loop. I will often times stop a few blocks short of their place and turn, but tonight I had just gotten off the phone with a friend who was talking about how she wont even comment on a facebook thread that her ex's wife comments on, and how she will avoid driving by his house when she is in town. They've been split up for 10 years, we both know this behavior is totally irratonal and stupid. We decided that "they" probably don't even think about us and we are not even on their radar.

So, in light of the conversation I had just had, and knowing that the amount of time I've thought about NOT passing their house would probably NEVER amount to the amount of time they would spend on me if they even happen to see me, I decided to be a big girl and complete my run as if I wasn't thinking about whether I was passing their house or not. I know, this is so stupid, I can't even believe I'm admitting this.

I'm deciding all this as I'm running. I'm about 30 minutes into my run with 15 to go and I get to their corner. I'm mature, I don't think about what other people are thinking, I'm not a stalker and I don't care about the fact that I'm red, sweaty, and pregnant. Remember the show Rugrats when Chuckie would chant "I'm a big, brave dog. I'm a big, brave dog" when he was doing something scary? That's basically what I'm doing. I'm about to turn and there is someone knocking on their door. Realizing that they were probably going to come out (oh and of course think I'm stalking them) to greet the person, I decide to turn the other way. About 5 seconds later I realize I can't get home this way and I have to turn around again, just in time for them to be in their front yard. Awesome. I run past, they probably had no idea, and at this point I'm really just trying to not laugh at myself because I know I'm crazy, and because I know I have to call my friend before I even finish my run so we can both relish in how stupid we can be, but how fun it kinda is.

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