Monday, January 4, 2010

Why I Will Never Zumba Again

In order to get my body to once again resemble a female human being instead of an alien jello mould, I have been religiously attending Step, Cardio and Kickboxing classes. No matter what, I will get myself to a class everyday... doesn't matter which one. So when I missed the 5:30 Boot Camp class, I decided to pop into the 6:30 Zumba class.

Now I'm great at Step, but horrible at dancing. If you want me to whip out a T step with 3 types of kicks, a spin in the middle and flip a pancake as a finale... I can totally do it. But if you ask me to cha cha... my brain will short circuit and I'll fall on the floor. But I headed into Zumba anyway.

I had taken Zumba before, it was a morning class with a young energetic instructor that made it all really easy. So me and my 6 friends over 50 shimmied our way around the room and I felt ok about the whole thing. So I was pretty confidant this Zumba would be a nice middle of the week break from my far more intense Step and Kickboxing classes.

Here are 10 reasons why I will never do Zumba again.

1. It's hard to move your hips when there's no longer definition between your waist and hips.

2. If there's a dancer in the room, with her cute leggings and dance shoes, she will stand/dance right next to me.

3. Shake = jiggle.

4. If you tell me to do my box step "with flair," I will throw your skinny ass to the ground.

5. Lactating mother + shimmy = injuries to innocent by-standers.

6. I can't take hip-hop dance instruction from someone who looks like a grandmother seriously. I will giggle.

7. In step I'm too tired to look at the mirrors lining the walls... in Zumba I'm forced to be face to face with the dancing hippo from Fantasia.

8. If a workout isn't so hard that my life passes before my eyes and I see flashes of heaven, it's not a workout.

9. If the whole class does a 3 step turn, I will for sure end up facing the opposite direction as everyone else.

10. Being told to smile and "look like you love it" while exercising will result in me flying into a rage and throwing medicine balls.

So if you ever see me in a Zumba class, I'm lost, please point me to the nearest Step or Kickbox class. Thanks.


  1. I will now be forced to imagine that you wear tutus to all of your workouts.

    PS It's not letting me log in thru my google account - that's weird.

  2. Oh wow, that's funny!!! I am going to be laughing all day!

  3. I'm totally going to wear a tutu to my net group x class. We'll see if anyone catches the reference, ;) Love this blog...but I LOVE Zumba. It's my favorite.

  4. Oh my God That is crazy!! I absolutely love Zumba!! It is the only thing that makes me move, happy, smile and sweat!! And I also learn groovy dance steps to use in the clubs! I LOVE LOVE ZUMBA!