Friday, January 29, 2010

Ninja Baby

I love my child. He's super cute, squishy, smiley, smells good, doesn't poop too much, a good sleeper and an excellent cuddler... everything you could want in a baby. However, sometimes mommy has to pry her adoring gaze from her child and wash dishes or go to the gym... and it's then that her stealthy boy decides to hit his milestones.

On Saturday, Milo, who is now 3 months old, rolled over from his back to his tummy for the first time. I was at the gym, and Eric didn't see it either. On Monday, I put Milo on the floor of the playroom while I was hanging posters and when I turned around, he had turned over from his tummy to his back, and of course did not feel like doing an encore. He did it again yesterday, and today turned from his back to tummy again... and both times I was looking at my computer. My son is torturing me. Next thing I know I'll run to the bathroom to pee and he will have graduated college.

I'm installing hiden cameras.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

'Cause One Baby Isn't Enough

I haven't blogged in forever, but I have a good excuse. Lately my entire world have been devoted to getting ready to start my own daycare. Daycare has just seemed to be the natural progression from nannying, since I can stay at home, but still make money with my kid chaos control skills.

So, we decided to use the room that is supposed to be our master bedroom (but we actually sleep in the guest bedroom) and turn it into a daycare room. The to-do list attached with this task was epic. Here's just a taste...

Break down and store extra bed
Move dresser which may or may not fit in new our bedroom
Find and buy toys on craigslist, since we have none
Find and buy activity table
Buy a tv stand for living room that won't kill children
Paint bathroom
Take down Christmas (I know, it was still up, embarrassing)
Find a car activity mat to cover hole in carpet
Get smoke alarms back up
Attach mirror to wall so it doesn't fall on someone
Get educational posters
Make everything super cute
Child proof everything
Clean everything

Now this is all in addition to my normal chores associated with having a baby, a husband, a dog, 2 cats, and 15 rabbits. There were some hiccups along the way, like getting our huge dresser to fit in our tiny bedroom, or finding that car activity mat that I've seen in stores a million times but is suddenly impossible to find (I finally had to drive to Gilroy to get one). I'm still child proofing. For some reason our sliding glass door was installed backwards (or something, I don't know what its problem is), so you can't stick one of those little bars on it... I know... stupid right? So I've still yet to figure out how to kid proof that.

So hopefully I can multiply the number of babies in my home by 3-4 in the next month or so, I know, I probably have a death wish.

In other news... Milo hates tummy time. He gets so pissed off at it. It's hysterical how your mind can go from "my child won't hold his head up" to "now he'll never graduate college." If I had less pride, I'd post a picture of my pathetic pancake child, but I just can't do it.

Friday, January 8, 2010

This is Your Brain... This is Your Brain on Coupons.

For the last few months the Gentry residence has been a one income home and the pressure is on to stretch our pennies. I have never used coupons, actually I'm a complete coupon virgin. Not like, "well that one time I kinda used a coupon in the back of a car after Prom... but I'm not sure." No... no coupon use ever. But in these hard times, and with people like the CouponMom on TV making it look so freaking easy to get "free groceries," I feel like I have to try.

I'm taking baby steps. Baby step one was to start reading coupon themed blogs. That's it, that's all I could handle. I'd read about the deals, try to figure out how to achieve them, and then break out into a cold sweat, slam my lap top closed and look at something pretty and uncomplicated like my Christmas tree. You think I'm kidding. Someone claims to get $30 worth of groceries for $.75 and says something like "if you have more than 40 coupons, be sure to get a manager" and I'm expected to take note like this is A) possible, B) normal. I don't even know what 40 coupons would look like, or where to get them, or what they should say.

Baby step two has been actually clipping coupons. I honestly don't know how any of them are going to get me free groceries, I must be doing this wrong. I see how they can get me cheaper groceries, but not free. Anyhow, I have 6 coupons I'm going to take to Costco tomorrow, and I have to go to Walmart so I'm going to look online at Walmart coupons. That's going to be baby step three, using a coupon, and hopefully reaching coupon enlightenment.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Baby Socks: The Bane of My Existence

I'm not easily frustrated. I may "flip out" because I'm a pretty animated person with no filter and a very sensitive pressure valve, but that deep down burning frustration that makes people throw laptops through windows and fists through walls... no, I don't care enough about anything to get that upset. However, if you are ever in my home, and see a girl-sized fist hole in my wall, you will know that the baby socks finally got to me.

Baby socks don't stay on baby feet, it's a fact all mothers must learn and accept. Every mother will forever be picking socks up off the floor, car seat, and crib to replace them over cold toes. Well, about two weeks ago Milo's socks began disappearing, just one of each pair. I figured they would show up in the wash or car, but they didn't. It wasn't a big deal until New Years Eve, when I dressed Milo in an adorable baby blue outfit and went to get some matching blue socks, of which he has four pairs, all different. You won't believe this. One of EACH pair was missing.

I flipped out.

I had Eric on a house wide sock hunt. I yelled from the baby's room "check under the couches, behind the dryer, in the car, OMG we are going to be late!" After a good 30 minutes I gave up, thought some bad thoughts, put white socks on my son and went to the party.

The thing is, when Milo kicks off his socks I always replace the fallen one, and he usually has a sleeper on over his socks anyway so... oh... wait.

When I realized this I checked the closet and felt the toes of his sleepers. Sure enough, I found a single sock in the toes of SEVEN sleepers. I went through every one in the closet all the while cursing those little socks as if they did it all on purpose and were TRYING to drive me insane.

I reunited almost every pair of socks except three. Then today, when Milo peed through his outfit at Starbucks, I pulled out a sleeper from the diaper bag. A mismatched sock was in each toe. God damn you baby socks.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Why I Will Never Zumba Again

In order to get my body to once again resemble a female human being instead of an alien jello mould, I have been religiously attending Step, Cardio and Kickboxing classes. No matter what, I will get myself to a class everyday... doesn't matter which one. So when I missed the 5:30 Boot Camp class, I decided to pop into the 6:30 Zumba class.

Now I'm great at Step, but horrible at dancing. If you want me to whip out a T step with 3 types of kicks, a spin in the middle and flip a pancake as a finale... I can totally do it. But if you ask me to cha cha... my brain will short circuit and I'll fall on the floor. But I headed into Zumba anyway.

I had taken Zumba before, it was a morning class with a young energetic instructor that made it all really easy. So me and my 6 friends over 50 shimmied our way around the room and I felt ok about the whole thing. So I was pretty confidant this Zumba would be a nice middle of the week break from my far more intense Step and Kickboxing classes.

Here are 10 reasons why I will never do Zumba again.

1. It's hard to move your hips when there's no longer definition between your waist and hips.

2. If there's a dancer in the room, with her cute leggings and dance shoes, she will stand/dance right next to me.

3. Shake = jiggle.

4. If you tell me to do my box step "with flair," I will throw your skinny ass to the ground.

5. Lactating mother + shimmy = injuries to innocent by-standers.

6. I can't take hip-hop dance instruction from someone who looks like a grandmother seriously. I will giggle.

7. In step I'm too tired to look at the mirrors lining the walls... in Zumba I'm forced to be face to face with the dancing hippo from Fantasia.

8. If a workout isn't so hard that my life passes before my eyes and I see flashes of heaven, it's not a workout.

9. If the whole class does a 3 step turn, I will for sure end up facing the opposite direction as everyone else.

10. Being told to smile and "look like you love it" while exercising will result in me flying into a rage and throwing medicine balls.

So if you ever see me in a Zumba class, I'm lost, please point me to the nearest Step or Kickbox class. Thanks.