Thursday, October 15, 2009

Baby I Week 38: A Little Faith

Week 38, I'm full term! Babies typically arrive anywhere between 38 and 42 weeks, so Milo could be here any time now! I've now gained 33 pounds and... gulp... I weigh more than Eric does. I know, and he's HAPPY! He thinks it's hysterical, I think mostly because he knows it's temporary, there's no way I'll be one of those chicks that gets super fat after kids because she doesn't care anymore. I care, I care A LOT!

Ok so this week finally broke me, this will all sound very dramatic so I need to include a disclaimer, I'm fine with all this. I know it will work out, but my "style" is to freak out, rant and rave... and then laugh about it later. Just so you know, I'm ok :)

So, did I mention last week that my OB was going to be gone for a week? I don't' remember. I talked to him via phone 10/1, Thursday, and I brought up that the receptionist said he'd be gone for my next appointment (10/9) and he replied, "yes, I'll be gone from Friday to Friday," which I take to mean 10/2-9. I can deal with that. I go on to see yet another OB on 10/9, my least favorite. He makes me feel invisible and I feel like when I bring up anything pertaining to natural childbirth, he mocks me. Example:

Me: "Can you check to see if the baby is Posterior, I'd like to know if I should be doing anything to change his position."
Grumpy Old OB: "There's no way to tell the position." (Not fucking true, but whatever)
Me: "Ok, well I guess I'll just keep hanging out on my birthing ball, which would encourage him to be in a good position anyway."
Grumpy Old OB: "Haha, yeah, you do that."

Seriously, I wanted to stab the man in the face! He also has a habit of NEVER looking at my birth plan. Anyhow, then I'm sitting in the room with him and I over hear another patient outside saying "So Dr. Gilbert will be returning the 21st? Ok."

Um, apparently "Friday to Friday" was Friday the 9th to Friday the 21st!!! So not only have I just had a few bad experiences with the other OB's in the office, but now the chances that the OB I've chosen, a decision I AGONIZED, will probably be gone when I go into labor. FUCKING AWESOME!!! I was in a fog of panic, I stopped and made an appointment, and asked again if I heard right. I had. Cut to atom bomb going off in slow motion...

I got in the car and put on "Watch the Sky" by Something Corporate, I knew what was coming it was the perfect song for it to happen to. I cried and laughed the whole way home. I was so pissed because everything was going so wrong, but then I laughed because... everything was going SOOOO WRONG, it was just over the top. I had been so careful to do everything I could to prepare for the birth we wanted, and we knew it could all fall apart, but we figured if it fell apart, it would fall apart during labor and delivery... That's what we totally expected, but this was something bigger.

I usually don't get all Jesusy on here, because I've been trying to keep my blogs as relatable as possible, but I do believe very firmly in God, the Bible, and that there is a plan for us. I don't think that gives us a license to float through life aimlessly just because we believe God has our back. That's why we prepare and plan, but I admit, we (uh... I...) may have taken it too far, and this was my big test. Will I flip the fuck out, or not? There's nothing like the moment when you know, this is TOO insane, this must be God. And that was what my drive home was... no one can mix things up like he can, and here I am in the middle of it.

So... we've done our part, we really have. And we just need to relax from here on out, because it really is out of our hands, and we're ok with that. Here's to having a little faith.

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