Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Baby I Week 35: Eric is Reduced to a Prostaglandin Vending Machine

Week 35!!! I've officially hit the point where if I go into labor, that's it, I'm having a baby!!! No stopping my contractions, or bed rest, or hanging me by my ankles!

Speaking of ankles, mine are out of control, my feet too. EVERY week my Diabetes Dr. insists on commenting on them, as if I haven't noticed that they look like big mounds of rising dough. Good thing I'm not sensitive! It's like as soon as you are pregnant you are not allowed to be sensitive about the freakish things your body does, and every horrifying change is appropriate to bring up at work or cocktail parties or in line at Starbucks, like "Oh my honey, your _____ is huge." Really, I hadn't noticed, good thing you, someone I barely know, was kind enough to point it out! I really don't care, but it's weird how people thing it's ok. I mean, what if I did care??? That might be the comment to send me over the edge! LOL...

Anyhow, remember a few weeks ago I said I wasn't going to shave my legs anymore, yes of course you do, because you read every week, right? Anyhow, I said I was using Nair instead, well, turns out that stuff IS really dangerous so I've been sucking it up and shaving even though it's like the hardest thing to do on Earth... but I do it because I love my husband and I want to remain... uh... as appetizing?? as possible. However, apparently I wasn't giving 110%, because he still commented on how my razor magically stopped mid-thigh... never daring to go higher. He offered to take care if it for me, since we both know I can't see over my belly... and said I could even use his clippers. *Big sigh* I knew this would be ugly, but I decided to give it a shot myself, armed with clippers, half a dozen razors, several mirrors and my husband's blessings.

Fast forward two hours and I'm crying in the shower with 5 shot razors and a very patchy, painful situation downstairs. The clippers cut me (Eric later admitted that he thinks he remembers them doing that, so he stopped using them... THANKS HONEY!) and my razors were no match for the unruly situation I had allowed to happen below my belly. Seriously... it sucked... so I went to bed, super angry.

The next day I had to rush into my OB's because I was swelling and nothing would relieve it. I realized there was a chance the Dr. might do a vaginal exam... and though I was ok with him seeing the forest I had been rocking before (ok, maybe not rocking), I was not ok with the mangled mess that I had given up on the night before. So, with just 40 minutes before my appt. I had Eric rush to CVS and get the best razors he could. The situation was resolved (propping up a full length mirror next to the shower is VERY helpful!), though I didn't even need an exam... Eric was happy though :)

Oh and keeping Eric happy right now is very important... because he has something that I super need! As I draw closer to my due date, I have been getting more and more concerned with NOT going over that date. I know it will lead to a huge problem with my OB, who is determined to have me induced if I go over my date. I will fight him like hell, but I rather avoid that. I have been doing everything I can now, that will help labor come sooner. None of these things will actually start labor, they just help things move along a bit quicker. There are other methods of actually starting labor, but I won't try any of them until after 38 weeks... like blue & black cohosh, or castor oil, or evening primrose oil. For now, I am waking a TON, the rocking motion is supposed to help the baby move down. I also sit on a exercise ball when I'm on the computer or watching tv. This position opens up your hips more, once again helping baby to move down, and it's super comfortable.

And as I think most people know, sex and orgasms can help labor to come, but when I hear most women talk about it, it seems like they tend to wait til the end. Eric and I have been keeping up our marital activities without much of any problem, but now, I go after him like my life depends on it! Eric get's chased to bed by something that looks more like the marshmallow man from Ghostbusters than his lovely wife at least once a day, sometimes twice. This is no easy feat with a baby smashing my lungs and heartburn and a belly the size of a station wagon. Fortunately... Eric is quite the trooper, which is great cause I really need him to stay on team Mommy Needs This Baby Out! Sperm has prostaglandins, which help soften the cervix (this is also what evening primrose oil dose, but sex is more fun), and orgasms help release oxytocin (natural, WAY more fun Pitocin!) which help contractions come on!

As nasty as it is, I plan on taking castor oil if my labor doesn't come on it's own by 39 weeks. It's horrible, it is basically the meanest most savage laxative ever. It makes your intestines spasm which is NO fun at all, but it usually will make your uterus want to join the fun and you'll go into labor soon after. I will be sure to keep you all updated when I try it... should be a blast.

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