Tuesday, December 30, 2008

About My Body

So for years I have been big on the gym. I've been employed by two, and I feel like I know quite a bit about fitness (though you'd never know it by looking at me) and I really love working out, especially the group work outs at the Y. Since I joined there almost a year ago, I was going to 4-6, 1 hour long classes a week, sometimes doing two classes a day. The classes are addicting and I will go to as many as I can fit in.

Well the last few months I've barely been able to go. We've gone on a lot of vacations Sept to now, and we are hardcore working on the house, and I am also scrapbooking all of our (me and my brothers) baby pictures for my mom for Christmas. I've been SO busy. So I'm getting in... maybe an hour a week of cardio... which is bad... very bad.

I went to my baby doctor and he checked my blood pressure, he said it was high, but that it wasn't such a big deal. It was 140/90, which actually is Stage 1 Hypertension, Dr thought I must have been nervous. Then I went to Dr's on Duty a week later and it was 149/104... that's very bad! In August, I was 114/65... Good blood pressure is less that 120/80, so I was great! Sept was when I stopped working out. Also since we've been so busy, I haven't been cooking so we've been eating out, so I've been on a high sodium diet too. Seriously, I think it's disgusting how much I managed to mess up my body in only a few months!

Needless to say, I will be back in the gym Monday... getting in atleast 4 days a week (the min my Dr. said I need to do). High blood pressure is serious, every 20 points you go down you lengthen your life by 50%, according to my Dr. I go in next month to see how much I've affected it!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Designer Dogs

The following is a really awesome article by a local dog trainer (see her website: http://www.fromtheheart.info). I was on there because I am signing my dog up for agility classes and I came across this. I try to not be judgemental of people who decide they want a "designer dog" after all, it's their money, even though I think it's a really poor investment. But if you are thinking of getting something that has poo or doodle in its name, please read this. It's not your typical animal activist guilt trip.

But I want a designer dog…
If I get one more call from someone who has a new designer dog that they call a gerrottyoodle (my new breed German Shorthair, Rottweiler, Poodle) I may just fall out of my chair. When I was growing up we called them Mutts or mixed breeds and there was/is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You could get them at your local supermarket from young children with tear-stained faces that needed to "get rid" of them that day.

Now people are getting them off the internet (they had a beautiful website) and paying hundreds, even thousands, of dollars for them….sight unseen. It's like getting a mail-order bride you've never spoken to or buying a car from an ad in the newspaper you've never driven. Don't get me wrong there are some very nice dogs purchased off the internet but there are so many more stories about misery sold to unsuspecting people. Checks that clear but no puppy, contact numbers no longer in service, questionable parentage, medical issues, shy fear biters, and parasite infested.

I had a lovely puppy in puppy class several months ago, at the first class there was something about the puppy didn't seem right and I suggested they take him to the vet for a complete checkup. They did so then called to tell me they had found out the puppy was deaf and going blind, both symptoms were determined to be congenital, when they called the "breeder" they were told that unless they had proof it was one of their puppies they wouldn't help them. When the client produced the cancelled check they were told that the puppy in question was not one of theirs. With no way of proving it the family, who had of course fallen in love with him, kept the puppy only to find out several months later that the puppy had a growth in the lower intestine and needed surgery, which was done. This very sweet puppy will have problems with digestion for the rest of its life. The family is committed to this puppy and he will live out a good, loving life with them. This is a story that ends well, far too many don't.

By now you probably think I don't like gerrottyoodles or any designer breeds, but that would be missing the point. I have no problem with mixed breeds, I own one, Barney. He is a very sweet little dog, however, when I evaluated him at the shelter, with his littermates, I could not put him up for adoption because he was so fearful and a potential fear biter. Of his 7 sisters and brothers, I could only pass 3 for adoption. I was, however, able to find homes for the 4 with friends who understood that these were special needs pups. Everyone wants him to be a *whatever* (insert your guess). I know what he is….Wanna guess what type of dog he is? What I object to is unsuspecting people being duped into paying lots of money, being told "it" is a breed, when if fact, it's just a breeding of two dogs. Some people qualify "Designer dog" as one that you know the mother and father even that is questionable with many of these dogs. Years ago I owned a miniature schnauzer that had AKC papers and my groomer always called her a schnoodle (schnauzer/poodle mix). Truth be known I always wondered about her, she came from a pet store that got her from Kansas. A friend couldn't keep her so we took her. It didn't make any difference if she was purebred to us or not, she fit into our family nicely and that was what was important.

Many people say they need to have a dog that won't shed, here's a news flash, many shed. A lot depends upon what breeds were crossed. I know a woman that has a Goldendoodle and it sheds more that any dog I've ever seen. I would have to roller my pants before I could go to my next client because I was covered with so much white hair. He was a nice dog but lots of energy, much bigger than she thought he'd be, more athletic than either breed, and a lot of pulling power. I told her I suspected some Iditarod breeding in there somewhere!

This is also one of the problems with mixed breeds, you might get all the attributes of the breeds you love or you might get everything you dislike about those breeds. I wish I could show you the whole litter that Barney came from, none of the puppies looked alike. Some had wire hair (more terrier), some had long legs (more????), some had fur rather than hair (like Barney), one even had a smooth coat, some were white, some tan, some underbites, etc. It's why many people restrict themselves to purebred dog; consistency. That doesn't always hold water, either. It's just a bit better bet with the outcome. I almost always have one of each; a purebred and a mixed breed. But it's not so much about the breed; it's more about the individual dog. Yes, I am a Rottweiler person but even then I look for certain attributes on a one on one basis. Take my latest Rottweiler, Cane (Hurricane Watch), he comes from a very reputable breeder, who tests and gets clearance for all the health problems we have in Rottweilers, and yet with great, clear, healthy parents, Cane has a heart problem. Would I get another pup from the breeder, you bet I would. She did everything humanly possible to produce the healthiest puppies, ones that are true to the breed standard. She breeds to improve the breed…it's not about money. There really isn't that much money in breeding provided you do all the right things. Lots of people asked me why I hadn't bred Chase and the reason was always the same. He only had fair hips and I won't breed a dog with anything less than a good rating. I, too, want to improve the breed!

I know people will come up and tell you what a great looking dog you have, but do you really think they know your breed's standard? If you don't even know what the standard is for your breed how can you say you are not doing it for money? I've been told "I want another Sally, so I'm going to breed her, even if she has bad hips". If the pup comes out like Sally, maybe it's your training that makes it a wonderful dog. And if it doesn't, will you compare them constantly? Is that fair to the pup?

The point of this is: there are many, many dogs in this county that are euthanized for no reason other than space. Why not go look at the Salinas Animal Shelter, Monterey County Shelter, Animal Friends Rescue Project, or the SPCA of Monterey County for your next designer dog. Ask to see the designer dog section of their shelters; I'm sure someone will be more than happy to assist you. And you need a cute name for the breed ask us, we're pretty good at coming up with breeds names!

I hope maybe you learned something you didn't know. Buying from these mix breed breeders just encourages them, making you apart of the problem. There are plenty of cute little poodle mixes in the shelters and won't cost you a grand and you will be saving a little life.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Health Nuttin' It Up

In the Doc's office I always make a leap across the waiting room for Conceive Magazine. I devour all the knowledge I can before my name is called and sure enough I always find something in there that freaks me out, whether it be that I only have a 15% chance of conceiving each month or that drinking coffee will cause miscarriages... stuff like that. My Dr. is too laid back, I think, and doesn't seem to be into the whole "better to be safe than sorry" think. Well, I am. So I decided to go all organic, and eliminiate caffeine and artificial sweeteners from my diet. Also, for health benefits alone, I eliminated milk and most frozen dinner type products from the grocery list. I'm baking my own bread too, and buying my eggs fresh from a friend... just to throw a little Amish flavor into the mix.

I have been a hardcore resister of the organic lifestyle. In my head, tree hugging wannabe yuppy ass is in paranthesis next to the word organic. I also never shop at such places as Whole Foods or Trader Joes, opting for Grocery Outlet and Costco. So honestly, this whole change has been like a religeous conversion. It's like everything is different now. I have a new vocabulary, I talk to different people, I have a whole new set of values. On a less emotional plane, this whole change didn't do a number on our budget either! I want to talk about this new lifestyle, I am really excited about making a healthier me, not just for me, but hopefully for the little person that I pray I'll have the opprotunity to create (with some help from Eric, of course).

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Facebook Mocks My Infertility

Ok, I'm not infertile... just not as fertile as I'd like to be! And I understand getting pregnant takes more time for some couples (takes the average couple 8 months to a year, we're at 8 months) and I'm ok with that but you know, it would be nice if everyime I logged onto Facebook I wasn't bombarded with baby ads! I swear, it's like they know we're trying! I can take the diet ads, but seriously? Do my ovaries need this kind of pressure from Facebook?

Facebook, leave me and my uncooperative reproductive system alone... ok! MySpace doesn't bring it up!

Saturday, September 13, 2008


I'm out. Drool on the couch, drink spilled on the floor, clothes still on and arms flung over face kind of out. The sun parades through the room like a marching band and my head is still on a scary out of control merry-go-round. I've had way... way too much.

I'm a junkie. I am totally addicted to politics right now. If you see me at the coffee shop with my hair dirty and my shirt on backwards, I probably just got off an 8 hr binge. It's scary, it's affecting my marriage but as long as I don't do it infront of Eric I'm ok. I am consuming more political blogs, diavlogs, videos, and articles than I think the average human consumes in 10 years. There's a lot to know... a TON to know... you might not care, but I do.

There's Palin's AIP history and Obama's voting record and McCain's tax policy and the lies... but the lies that don't really matter because people who KNOW politics accept them as constances but the American public gets all up in arms because they get distrancted by shiny objects and their own tails and then the smart people laugh at them... AND I want to be one of the smart people laughing! And I'm laughing a little already... but as soon as I get a good giggle going... I have more questions... "is Palin gonna make us Alaska's bitch?" ... "will Obama make us the WORLD's bitch?" ... "are the Democrats gonna be giddy school girls with mom's credit card? and we're mom?" ... "will the Republicans ever act like Republicans again or is this permanent?" ... "what change can happen and what can't" ... "does McCain have any ACTUAL plans or just character?"

Honestly... there's a lot of sillyness out there... but there's a lot of awesome information too. Unfortunately, it takes more work than what most voters are willing to put it. If you are already decided on who you are going to vote for, I'm pretty sure you haven't asked enough questions. Anyhow... I'd like to say more, but this is cutting into my addiction... oh and if anyone wants to talk politics hit me up, Eric is sick of me...but only if you want to talk policies and such, if you talk about Islam, teen pregancy, insulting Chelsea, arugula, gay rights or Roe vs Wade... I'll punch you in the face.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Palinpalooza’s Thin Silver Lining

Ok so you people will hear me refer to diavlogs if you read my blogs or bulletins. They are video blogs, where two people (pastors, journalists, authors, professors, etc) discuss news, politics, etc. They are awesome if you like smart people talking about interesting topics with NO media filter (THANK GOD). Interested? Go to www.BloggingHeads.tv but only after you read MY blog first... I'm selfish.

I am watching a diavlog that is two evangelical pastors... and one said on Palin "Too many evangelicals and religious conservatives are too preoccupied with values and faith and pay no attention to competence. We don't apply this approach to ANYTHING else in life, including selecting a pastor." He was quoting Mark DeMoss. DeMoss goes on, "Imagine if a church was searching for a pastor and the leadership was brought a candidate with great values but little experience. They've been a pastor for two years at a church with 150 people but he shares our values, so we hired him to be pastor of our 5,000 person church? It wouldn't happen! That's absurd. Yet we apply that to choosing presidents. It blows my mind."

If you have been keeping up with me on this you will know I am not just critical of Palin... I am very critical of EVERYONE... Obama, Biden, McCain... all players... but I am VERY distressed by the reactions of my fellow Christians and Republicans to Gov. Palin. I truly hope you starry eyed Palinbots have more than her SPEECHES to go off of, because those really mean nothing and say nothing for what she can do. As of this moment... I will most likely be voting with my party... BUT that doesn't mean I'm one of you. Every conversation I have with one of her supporters is completely void of evidence of deliberation of any kind and is swathed in emotionalism... which I find sticky and disgusting. There are very intelligent supporters out there... there really are, and as someone who has put in about 12-15 hours of serious study on her background and on Alaskan politics as a whole, I feel like I can some-what intelligently discuss her political strategies and character... or at least intelligently listen. But sadly I'm hearing very little of that from others... and I'm disappointed.

I'm sad for America... I'm sad you prefer an entertaining speech to sitting down and actually educating yourself. Please remember... Bush was elected because of character... because he followed his gut and hey, you can't go wrong with someone who is their own man no matter what. Right? Wrong. Very very wrong. Oh and let's not forget, he's a Christian too... and still wrong.

The good thing? You will most likely vote for the right party... just for the wrong reason.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

My Husband's Band is Signed! Label's Annoucement!

I'm so proud of my husband! I knew his creation would make it!

From Insubordination Record's myspace:

The Adorkables to release new album on Insubordination

Out of left field, the Adorkables have recorded (c/o the Blasting Room) an amazing 12 song album, entitled, ...She Loves Me Not. The band has really leapt forward since their last release to create a record that is surely going to make a lasting impression on both the vapid Ramones loving sect and the cry baby geek-pop faction.

First impressions: The Adorkables draw on some of the same nonsensical themes as the Ramones (Brain Drain era) but also inject some really fun pop tunes into the mix. While Eric's vocals share some of the same vibrato characteristics as Kody from the Lillington's, the similarities really end there. I know what you are thinking, but trust me, while some Lillington's fans may burn down the house after the first listen, the songs on this album take on a completely different character as the album progresses. The album is terrifically poppy: standout songs such as Brokenhearted, Christina Ricci, and Hope Your Happy are particularly well produced in such a way that the band's enthusiasm shines through. After the first five listens, I found that ...She Love Me Not is an album that fans of the genre will rank at the top of their play list (erm CD player).

We are all super-excited to welcome this band to Insubordination. Expect the album to drop sometime in early '09. Check out a song sample from ...She Loves Me Not titled, Hope You're Happy in our media section.

-- Chris Imperfekt

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

"Cady, I'm a Pusher."

"Cady, I'm a pusher. I push people. I pushed my husband into law school. That was a bust. I pushed myself into working three jobs. And now I'm gonna push you because I know you're smarter than this."

I think a lot of people see themselves as the Mrs. Norbury in this scenario, not the under-achieving Cady. Not me, I'm definately the pushee.

Now I believe failures will choose to be failures, and winners choose to be winners, and where you end up rests upon your choices alone. I make good decisions... and life is good. So why am I still a pushee? I put myself in the winner bracket by my choices and attitude, but I really feel like I would only be a moderate winner if it was not for pushers. I would have grown up with a basic artistic skills that came naturally, but I had a pusher mom that kept me in art classes from elementary to high school. In high school I would have quietly gotten good grades, but I had a pusher ag teacher that pressed me to compete in everything she could enroll me in, and now I have a room of awards and 100 times the self confidance I started with.

So in opening this tanning salon I have for sure needed a pusher. Everytime there's a rock in the road I freak, because I seriously don't think I know what I'm doing. Sale Forecasts, Cash Flow, Income Differentials? I avoided the issues, not because I think we can't afford this or because I don't think we'll make enough money, but because I don't know how to prove it, or display it, or do anything to it... but my East Garrison rep is a pusher.

Each step comes with savage growing pains, everytime I'm pushed I freak out... but I want this, bad, so I forced the limits of what I may or may not be capable of. I put together what numbers I thought worked... numbers that scared the fuck outa me... wanna be freaked out too?

First Year Sales Forecast: $80,000
Second Year Sales Forecast: $120,000
Third Year Sales Forecast: $180,000

That's what my calculations tell me... that does NOT seem possible, but I don't know... is that too much money? Is that conservative? Regardless, I had a formula behind it so if my rep laughed in my face (which I fully expected) at least I would have a stack of paper to hide behind.

My final business plan for Kona Cove Tanning Salon & Spa is set up like a really nice scrapbook: 12X12 pages, fancy paper, lots of photos, paint swatches, water color design sketches, logos... everything needed to get a realistic view of what Kona Cove will look like and how it will function. Last night, after another all-nighter, I finished it. This morning, after two large mochas, I submitted it. I met with Ryan and expected to hand it over, exchange small talk, and go... Nope, Ryan was going to look over it all infront of me. Awesome. He opened it and was really impressed with my work and the presentation, I was glad, but there were still 30 pages between him and my Sales Forecast.

Page 27, Financial Preparations Narrative. He's impressed. Maybe he'll be so impressed he'll stop here... oh... nope, page turn.
Page 28, Personal Net Worth & Income Differential. There's a chart, charts are good, people love charts. I'm glad I included that chart... new page.
Page 29, Start-up & Operation Costs... lots of praise, I did a good job padding my expenses and leaving room for surprises and errors... but I'm sweating.

Page 30, Quarterly Sales Forecasts for First 3 Yrs.

"Cori I don't mean to sound condescending, but I'm very proud of you. This is an excellent financial model, however I think your Sales Forecasts are a little low, but that's smart, play it on the safe side. Great job, really."

Talk about a rush! Now I literally don't have to do ANYTHING but wait for an answer... which is surprisingly not stressful. I think this will go well :)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Good Thing Aloha Means Goodbye Too

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, right?

I live life pretty prepared for a lemon or two. I always have sugar and a glass, ready to give 'em a positive spin, after all lemons aren't the worst thing you can get, and if you are chill over life, you'll find they lose their bite. Turns out, the same doesn't apply for grenades, they just fuck things up… and sometimes that's what you get… something really fucked up that no amount of sugar will fix.

Come Monday I should be submitting the final version of my business plan for my future tanning salon, Aloha Hawaii. I have already made two submissions… this should be the final one, and it's already on the late side. The bulk of it is complete, what I'm working on it is the design aspect: logos, sketches of the interior, color swatches, brochure designs. The whole plan is being put together like a vacation scrapbook… to go with the vacation/resort feel of the salon. We are down to polish and presentation, I would hate to have to be working on reformatting any of the content right now… (menacing foreshadow).

A portion of the plan is an assessment of the local competition. I've included photos and profiles of salons within a 15 minute radius of the proposed location of my salon. I got news last week that a new salon opened in Marina, so today I headed over. With camera and note pad ready, I pulled into the drive, looking for the tie down canvas sign indicating a grand new opening… and there, flapping innocently in the wind, hung "Aloha Tanning."

I actually yelled "FUUUCK!!!" Some guy looked at me.

So the precious time I have left to bind and polish is going to be used brainstorming. Logos, clever weaving of "Aloha" into the presentation, my beloved acronym of "Aloha" all fucked. We are working with Hawaiian names because it's important to the design of the concept. We are currently batting around something involving Ko 'Olina, a town on the island of Oahu. We are going there soon and I really like the name and sound. Eric like's Ko 'Olina Tanning Company… I'm also attracted to Kona Cove, but I want something more smooth… you know???

Anyhow… suggestions??????

Sunday, January 27, 2008

My Job & No Regrets

I'm reading Jack, Ramona the Pest, our heads close over the book, I give him a head but once in a while, because he loves it. I'm giving Alexis back her juice box and pulling Hailey's toys out of the toilet, wishing I hadn't answered the phone. I'm juggling baby Tucker, giggling and flirting like he does, and dance and sing numbers 1-20 with Owen in Japanese.

"So what do you do Cori?"
"I'm a full time nanny, I love it."
"OMG I can't stand kids, that's why I have dogs."
"I completely know how you feel Meg, but there's a trick to it."

This week while reading to Jack I had a thought, perhaps a pang of guilt. Instead of cuddled with Jack on the couch, I could be sitting infront of 30 Jacks, reading this same book, opening up this little world to them and pouring out my love and enthusiasm on them. I am so good with my children. I work closely with their parents to make them the best, most intelligent and well behaved children we can. Am I wasting myself, not lending my skill to the masses?

Back to my conversation with Meg. The reason why most intelligent adults don't enjoy children is because most children are pieces of shit. Many are not little vessels to be filled with endless potential. Most are abnoxious because that's what their parents are. I don't have hope in every child... for most I feel dread. So when I went to college to be a teacher, I believed each pack of children who passed through my class would leave it better, with my drive and passion. But that's not what a teacher does. Even if that's what they set out to do, fresh out of their sterile college universe, they soon learn that's not their intended function. They don't even have to be particularly intelligent, just obedient and good at relaying the chosen curriculum. What a happy life.

I remember being 11 and knowing my teacher was working for her paycheck. She was numb to us. So many teachers I've met now, from the salon, from life... are the same, and I haven't met one that I've liked yet. There's much to say, but this is about me not them.

I explained to my new friend that the trick was selecting the children with potential, which is what I did. They accept discipline and are extremely smart. If they were with me in a classroom, I would have to play to the dumb masses, and their exellence would be lost. I'm not against public education, it's necessary to create strong children that can accept what is good and correct and reject what is not, to respect authority, even if the authority is wrong... etc... but only good parents (or parental figures) can create an amazing child... or some latent genetics. It was a great conversation, and I was glad to be able to give her hope in children.

I love my job. If it wasn't for my desire to have children of my own, I'd do this forever. I love the freedom I have to do what I know is absolutely right. I love watching my kids grow and respond positively to both my teaching and discipline. I love they know that I am engaged in their world. I love that I go home, everyday without fail, full of pride in my day's work, though tired and perhaps snot and spaghetti spattered. I love that I don't have to go home to drink away the stress of the day or to make myself forget how much less my life is than what I had been expecting.

I love living a life without compromise... I love having it all.

Friday, January 18, 2008

"Our house, in the middle of our street" Photo Blog!!!!

Well, it's official. Eric and I took another step into grown-updom and bought a house. Instead of just posting pictures, I decided to do a photo blog so I can not only talk about what the house currently is, but what it will be!

Anyhow, on to the basics. The house was on the market for only 16 days, it was listed at 530,000 and we got it for 510,000 with a 15,000 credit so... 495,000. A great deal for the area. Scott Craig was our realtor and if you are planning on buying a house anytime soon, use him, he honestly treated us like family. Four bedrooms, two bathrooms, approx 1600 sqft. It is about 50 years old, only one family has ever lived in it, and everything is pretty a 1950 original.

This is our street and our house. I am really struggling with this tree. It is so big and old, so I feel like we should keep it, but I have always wanted a willow in my front yard, so we will see. We are going to paint the house a warm sandy color, with white trim. It'll look great with the cute country style windows that are going in, hopefully sometime this month. I also want to put in another brick pillar opposite the existing one. I have a thing for symmetry.

If you would like to join the "Please Save The Mailbox" campaign, please let me know. Eric and Tyler have both expressed feelings of hate towards this adorable mailbox... but I love it. I have a feeling I'm going to loose this one though. This is our front door. It, like every other door, inside and out, will be replaced. I'm thinking white. And next we have the entry room closet. I love that there is a mirror on it... but it scares me when I come down the hallway as I mistake myself for an intruder.

Ok so if you walk in the front door, turn right, and then right again, you will see the kitchen. Other than the master bathroom add on, the kitchen will be receiving the most work. I have picked out a sandy colored stone floor (not unlike the color of the current vinyl floor), Maple cabinets with a cherry mocha glaze (which sounds delish, huh) and we are still undecided on the counter tops, but we are thinking an earth tone granite. The wall to the left will be ripped out and an 7 ft bar will replace it with internally lit glass cabinets above. Where the oven is we will have a stainless steel fridge (sorry green appliances, you gotta go). To the immediate right, there will be a built in desk, and bookshelf for my cookbooks, a little bill paying area. There will be no informal dining area like there is now. The sink will be pushed down the the far right corner (corner sinks are cool), and in the center of the back wall there will be a free standing stainless steel stove/oven. Microwave will be cleverly hidden in the lower cabinets with a sliding cabinet door. Cabinets everywhere. Recessed lighting. Wall color undecided, leaning towards dark red though.

So when the bar is put in, where the stove, fridge is, you will be looking into the dining room (pictured below). So looking at this picture down here, that wall to the right will be gone. New window is going in (to the left) and where you see the fish tank, there will be French doors leading to the patio. This house is basically being built as the perfect place for parties. The back wall here will have a buffet/bar. Granite, with a little sink in it (to easily rinse shakers and shot glasses). It's where all the alcohol will be. There will be cabinets matching those in the kitchen, all internally lit to show off the pretty bottles of liquor. Aged iron chandelier will replace the current light and we'll have a round, cherry wood table. Under all this carpet (including the living room and bedrooms), there is hardwood floors, which will be refinished and stained a light honey color.

If you turn around, you are standing in the livingroom, or great room as we don't have, or want, separate living/family room areas. Please take a moment to admire the paneling on the far wall. I know, it's beautiful right? If you said yes, you are no longer my friend. All walls will be a light sandy tanish color, but I think that the wall with the fireplace will be red. New gas fireplace is going in, and we will be building it out for so that the mantel has more depth. Huge mirror will most likely be over the mantel. You can see the beginning of the sliding glass door to the right, that will be a big window, and cherry book shelves will flank the TV all the way to the back left corner... break... and continue at the back right corner and to the window... I think it'll be a great contrast and good flow, as where there are bookshelves/cabinets there will be light walls, where there isn't there will be a red wall, and then continue with light walls. We also bought a beautiful ceiling for the center of this room. Aged iron and cherry wood. I am also gonna get a huge square red ottoman, to set off the neutral couches. There is a good chance that sconces matching the ceiling fan will find themselves on either side of the fireplace.

Head left. Down this hall is guest/future kids bathroom and three bredrooms. The bathroom is a great size, but a hideous salmon color. Even the tub. Everything will be ripped out except the toilet. Colors all pretty similar to the kitchen, same flooring, granite counter, painted, not tiled walls. Shower will be a stone-like tile with a built in place for shower stuff. I am also demanding vessel sinks in both bathrooms, which has been a dream of mine forever. That is also pictured below. Faucet will be traditional though... in oil rubbed bronze.

Bedrooms are a good size, looks small in pic, they all three look just like this one so I just posted the one picture. Two will be for kids and one will be an office... but for now we'll have an office, and guest bedrooms. We haven't set up our master bedroom yet so for now we are crashing here. White ceiling fans going in all... new windows, wood floors, same tannish walls. I would love to have a bay window in the office, but we will see.

So we are at one end of the house, now to the other. Down the hallway, into the kitchen, and then off the kitchen is the master bedroom. Very far from the kids so we can't hear them... and they can't hear us ;). This room needs a lot of work. Cream Berber carpet... wall color undecided but the paneling will be going... asap. Two very large windows or a bay window with a window seat will replace the tiny window. To the left you can see a sunroom. Then (next pic) a very small bathroom. The plan is to rip out the door/wall there and actually connect the two to make a very large master bath. Big tub, separate standing shower, double vanity. I am trying to think about how I can work a walk-in closet. This will be the last project, as it will be the biggest. It is hard to tell in the 3rd pic, but the heater in the bathroom actually causes the whole thing to glow red... it's creepy.

Going out that door and turning around you will be in the yard looking at where the future bathroom will be. We will be building out to where that pole is. That'll be all windows... should be nice. Make a 180 and you'll see the little greenhouse. While this is cute, we have better plans for this space. A gazebo, outdoor bar, and hot tub... The right side of the yard will basically be patio, accessible from the dining room French doors or the master bathroom. Left side will be lawn. The current patio, planter boxes, pond, and much of the rocks will be gone. I can appreciate all the landscaping, but it is a very Asian style and I want my yard to have more of a secret garden feel. I will incorporate the rocks, but I would like the yard to be more level, with the far left corner to have a vine covered, small gated garden. That sliding glass door will be a big window. Big tree is staying, others are going.

Last but not least, this is where the bunnies will live. Looks pretty drab right now, but it will be a fully enclosed area with cages lining the right wall.

Thank you for stopping by and seeing our new house. Eric and I are so in love with it, and we hope that it will enable us to throw lots of wonderful parties for our friends (weekly LOST parties begin THIS MONTH... with Rock Band opening :) ) And I want to thank everyone who helped us move! Heidi bird, Jon, Ben, Katie, and Tyler. You guys kick ass and this would have seriously sucked without you. Oh an thaaaank you Heidi for my beautiful house warming gift... it is almost as pretty as you are :)

Friday, January 4, 2008

Stream of Unconsciousness

"How old are you? Blue turtle."
"How old are you? Go fish. And who thought up blue turtle?"
"Six. I don't know... You have a lot of jobs."
"Yeah, I do. Red crab?"
"You should be tired. Go fish."
"I'm not. Cool, a pair."

I always loved stream of consciousness exercises in jr. high Language Arts class. I loved what magic my mind made when it met paper. I still do. Except... now it seems my mind has been silenced by another, stronger current. A stream of unconsciousness.

I used to keep a dream journal, I swore my dreams helped me guide my waking life. I'd read them over and over and marinate in them, hoping never to forget them.

The first dreams I wanted to forget were after my ex left me. Nightly, he came back and left, in a million different ways. Maybe my mind was trying to work out a way to let go that felt right. An end to the story that worked.

Then they were of love again, but even these were unsettling. My dream man held my hand at the movies and kissed my ear, but in real life we were strictly plutonic and watched by everyone. Then one night he really held my hand at the movies and, much to my delight, kissed my ear and gone were the dreams and on to a new stream.

Do you know where the term "anal retentive" to refer to a controlling person came from? Freud. I learned that when I was studying to be a pre-school teacher. During the stage of early-child development where children are beginning to potty train, some children have such a strong need for control they can't "let go" and well, clench up...

I always think about this when I think of my friendships. No matter how bad they get, I can't let go. I'm not going to psycho-analyze this point, we have another matter to address. But this has been something I have struggled with, and this year I think I let go of a lot of friendships that brought me a lot more pain and anxiety than good. Some of these ended years ago, but in my head, I just now let them end. I had finally pushed them from my consciousness and into the black. No more revisions to conversations and theories on some's ever puzzling behavior, no more hows and whys. Just black.

But as I blocked the currents they burst through other, unguardable avenues.

"Why do you drink that so much? Pink seahorse"
"Cause I'm tired. Go fish."
"Thought you weren't"
"I am, I just don't know any different anymore. I don't sleep good. Yellow starfish."

Every night, when I fall asleep, usually late, someone else is always on time. I never know who it will be, there's one that visits a little more than others, but the table is always set for a dull dinner party in which I know every course by heart. I serve myself up, limb by limb, just as I've done a million times before... in both reality and dream.

It's embarrassing really, that this still bothers me, that it's still, after months, many months, happening. But I don't know what else I can do. It's in my head and I can't change my dreams right? Right?