Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dog Vomit

Pharasiac: Rigid observance of external forms of religion, without genuine piety; hypocrisy in religion; a censorious, self-righteous spirit in matters of morals or manners.

Self-righteous: Piously sure of one's own righteousness; smugly moralistic. Exhibiting pious self-assurance. Righteous in one's own esteem.

Asshole: insulting terms of address for people who are stupid or irritating or ridiculous.

You know when someone starts a blog with definitions, some shit is for sure gonna go down, it's a technique all of the masters of blogging have perfected. This, however, is not a compliant, but a confession.

A am, infact, a dog that returns to its vomit. It's true, and I return again and again and again, each time feeling sicker than the last but returning just the same. I have a problem with making people something they are not... trustworthy, rational, intelligent, caring. It's not new people, but old friends that I expect to grow up and better themself; to someday come around and wake up from their self-righteous, pharasiac fog... so I reach out. Again and again, each time in absolute shock of their cold, irrational judgment.

I work very hard to be nice, a trait I was not born with but had to develop. I have firm beliefs but I am tolerant of people being wrong :). I think I am smart girl, but why am I so blatantly stupid in this area? I don't trust drug addicts, I don't trust criminals, hell, if someone smokes I trust them a little less... but polish that pious exterior and everytime I will forget your rotted, hypocritical core...

I think I'm just disappointed in how stupid I really am. There are so many people I want to love and trust, but I just have to remember they extend neither to me. I don't know what they are thinking, my instincts are too naive, maybe when my efforts come back up this time, they won't look so appetizing.

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