Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dog Vomit

Pharasiac: Rigid observance of external forms of religion, without genuine piety; hypocrisy in religion; a censorious, self-righteous spirit in matters of morals or manners.

Self-righteous: Piously sure of one's own righteousness; smugly moralistic. Exhibiting pious self-assurance. Righteous in one's own esteem.

Asshole: insulting terms of address for people who are stupid or irritating or ridiculous.

You know when someone starts a blog with definitions, some shit is for sure gonna go down, it's a technique all of the masters of blogging have perfected. This, however, is not a compliant, but a confession.

A am, infact, a dog that returns to its vomit. It's true, and I return again and again and again, each time feeling sicker than the last but returning just the same. I have a problem with making people something they are not... trustworthy, rational, intelligent, caring. It's not new people, but old friends that I expect to grow up and better themself; to someday come around and wake up from their self-righteous, pharasiac fog... so I reach out. Again and again, each time in absolute shock of their cold, irrational judgment.

I work very hard to be nice, a trait I was not born with but had to develop. I have firm beliefs but I am tolerant of people being wrong :). I think I am smart girl, but why am I so blatantly stupid in this area? I don't trust drug addicts, I don't trust criminals, hell, if someone smokes I trust them a little less... but polish that pious exterior and everytime I will forget your rotted, hypocritical core...

I think I'm just disappointed in how stupid I really am. There are so many people I want to love and trust, but I just have to remember they extend neither to me. I don't know what they are thinking, my instincts are too naive, maybe when my efforts come back up this time, they won't look so appetizing.

Saturday, September 22, 2007


1. When was the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
February 15th, and it was insanely amazing, I was so nervous... but it was freaking awesome. It probably would have been on Valentines Day, because that was our first date, but Eric was being stalked by Annette and she showed up at his front door all sad and weird... killed the mood.

2. What's the most exciting thing that happened to you today?
Um, I got a message from Bri and I drank some tea... not doing too bad so far. Yesterday I flicked a bugger on the car next to me at a stop light... I was feeling playful, that was the best thing that happened yesterday. Oh wait, giving my barely English speaking Jap doctor a heart attack when I took of my pants to show him my leg, without warning him. I was wearing underwear, I don't know what his issue was.

3. How many best friends do you have?
Just one, Eric... he kicks ass.

4. Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
Sleep all day, seriously. I honestly don't remember the last time I slept in... I can't wait til October 14th... I swear I am not going to see the light of day for a good 48 hours and the only thing that's allowed to wake me up is Eric.

5. Tell me where you got each article of clothing you're wearing?
I'm wearing a grey Volcom hoodie that Casy abandoned at the tanning salon. I'm wearing dark blue jeans that Eric picked out for me at Macy's. I'm wearing pink boy cut underwear that Amanda bought at a concert and gave to me. I'm wearing a white bra that I bought from Macy's. I'm wear a red tank top from Express. I'm wearing black flip flops from Longs.

6. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
"Real kiss" kiss? I was 14, Freshman year in high school behind Salinas High... thinking back, I was mimicking him and he really sucked... how did we think we were doing that right?

7. What would you change about your life right now?
I would be married and at home with Eric, making pancakes because I really want pancakes right now... I really want Eric too but blueberry pancakes are a close second. So that's what I would change. Blueberry pancakes.

8. Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Truth always, but I don't cry too often so good luck.

9. What's on your bedroom floor right now?
Wedding stuff everywhere... center pieces, magazine pictures, fake grapes and roses, candles... it's like my reception exploded in my room.

10. Who was the last person you got into an argument with?
My mom of course... the only human that can still piss me off in less than a minute... she's a professional.

11. Do you trust people easily?
I'd say yeah.

12. If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to?
I would kick out the family I housesit for in San Benancio and Eric and I would move in. I like that house, and I don't want to leave Monterey County cause it's awesome, and if you don't think so then you obviously don't have good taste in environment... you heard me.

14. Could you go a day without eating?
Totally... I barely eat as it is... it wouldn't be a difficult transition, I'd just drink more tea... which is basically my food.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
We are serious offenders... we have no control... ok... obviously we have some control but we typically can't keep off one another... but then I tend to not like it when other people are like that... I think I make the assumption they are faking it and don't really love each other which makes the whole thing gross to me.

17. When is the last time you had your hair cut?
Like 7 months ago... I know... its horrible, but Jen will trim mine up to blend into my extensions before the wedding :)

18. Would you rather be mad or sad?
Ew neither. I do happy and tired and that's it.

19. Does it take a lot to make you cry?
No and yes... all I have to do is think about how much I love Eric and I can get myself all choked up... or if I think about Eric or one of my brothers dying or something, omg and if there is a good song going at the same time... wow, then we transition into a whole other level of cry. But the angry/sad crying I used to do on almost a daily basis during my marriage and divorce... now extinct.

20. What's the worst car accident you've ever been in?
When I totalled my car on a tree. This was pretty bad.

21. Are you tight with your money?
Very. I'm smart with it, I put a serious value on things like going out to dinner and stuff like that, so I make sure to have money for that, but I don't buy a lot clothes or anything like that... biggest money saver, I stopped drinking.

22. How do you feel about liars?
They are very boring people.

23. Do you tell your parent everything?
Barely anything.

24. Would you rather be a bird or a fish?
Bird, fish are easy to trick.

25. Name one fear you have?Roombas. Seriously... don't fuck with me on this one.

26. If you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive?

27. Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Not even a little.

28. How many kids do you want?
I, like Bri, also want 4... Bri if you want my boys I'll trade you for your girls... I want girls.

29. What's your favorite color to wear?
Red, black... something... sometimes white... I don't know.

30. Who was the last person in your bedroom?

31. What did you do yesterday?
Drove home from San Jose at 3am, woke up at 7am. Took care of dogs in Seaside. Went to work, went to Doctors on Duty, went to Walgreen's, got food, went to babysitting job, got to Seaside around midnight. No breaks, yesterday sucked.

32. Do you miss any of your exes?
No, not even a little.

33. Do any of them want you back?
Like I want AIDs. Mmm Chuck Norris.

34. What would you do if you found a dinosaur egg?
Be the mommy to a baby dinosaur.

35. Do you get bored easily?
No, there's always something to do... like a survey.

36. What's something someone can do that really bothers you?
People who read but don't answer my Myspace messages... about 6 of you are about to get deleted from my friends.

37. What's the current song you're listening to?

38. Do you wish you were famous?
No... I honestly don't understand that desire. I would like to be better known among other rabbit breeders though... people to respect what I do and stuff... that kind of recognition is cool.

39. What do you do to your eyebrows?
They are still in the process of being lazered into submission...

40. When you're at the beach, do you swim or lay out more?

41. Who's the last text message you received from?

42. How do you like your steak cooked?
Same as Bri: Medium, with sunshine and daises.

43. What's your favorite song at the moment?
I'm gonna say Valentine by Smoking Popes because it makes me think of me and Eric's wedding day.

44. Can music affect your mood?

45. What piercings do you want?
None, have all I want.

46. What tattoos do you want?
My other side and my whole upper back.

48. Have you ever been in a cave?
Yes, in at the Pinnacles... and some nice people gave us a flashlight because we forgot one.

49. Have you ever eaten a bug?
Not on purpose... but unfortunately yes... there were crickets in a pie I ate once... it was from Costco and the bakery apologized and admitted they were having a problem with crickets jumping into the batter.

50. Do you think there's someone for everyone?
Everyone who is supposed to be with someone and prepares themself... will have someone, but I think very few people are quality enough human beings to be worthy of sharing themself with someone... but they do anyway and unfortunately reproduce... I'm not against Jews but I certainly have some Hilter-esk qualities don't I?

And on that note...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying... I Wish.

If my business plan was my final paper, the cocktail party hosted by the East Garrison developers was to be my oral examination. Now I have 4 years of competitive public speaking experience, with nothing less than blue ribbon honors below state level; public speaking is not a fear, it's my medium, but that was almost 4 years ago & this isn't a sterile stage and a captive audience, these are business owners and CEOs that I can't bullshit. So I wouldn't say I was nervous, I would say I was ready to jump out of my skin terrified.

Regardless, I made every preparation. My business concept is so solid I feel I could pluck it from the air & hand it to someone, but I feared my youth would still work against me. Can I not pepper my speach with "like" for an entire evening? Can I be confidant & witty among men & women 15-40 years my senior? How do I even initiate a conversation with these people? I knew my "look" was going to be my best way in, because my grading will most certainly begin before I open my mouth... & if I want to sell beauty, I'll be my best advertisement.

Last night I was as shiny and polished as I possibly could be. Perfect skin, highest heals, a blue corduroy blazer that showed off just enough skin. I also made sure to polish up my ring to a blinding shine, and with my hot trophy husband by my side, I was ready to go... and vomit.

As we walked up I asked Eric to break my ankle so I didn't have to go in, to which he laughed, and dragged me to the front door. Entering the cocktail party was surreal. Ryan quickly greeted us, and suddenly we were cast out into the pool of mingling bodies. It was like the first day of junior high, when everyone seems to know each other and you are officially invisible. The men were all perfect, handsome, and laughing in small groups. The women were in their 30's and 40's, plain, and looked like they had just eaten something sour. We grabbed our drinks and I began to pray for salvation, which came soon. Ryan came back, leading me by the shoulders to "the man" behind the East Garrison development, saying "this is the woman I have been telling you about, the one with the incredible salon and spa concept!" His name was Keith and the conversation came easy and smooth. I quickly learned how to "not talk business" by bringing in your business concept into similarly related conversations. He admitted to have trying spray tans as he had a brush with skin cancer, so I was able to talk about how my salon revolutionizes how we see tanning through healthier "light therapy" solutions. Soon an impressive, very Ed McMahon-like man sidled up to the group, he listened to my concept and joined the conversation with enthusiasm, and like that we had a group! Eric and I were talking and laughing and I soon forgot my fears. Eric was great, he was witty and cool and totally as handsome and impressive as any man there, letting me shine but never being lost in the glow.

We soon met the owner of the Carmel Valley Coffee Roasting Co. coffee houses (an earthy, unfriendly woman), brushed elbows the owner or the Baja Cantina restaurants (yeah, there's more than one, didn't know that) though she was extremely unapproachable, and talked with the creator of R G Burgers, who was sooo funny, was impressed with my plan, and both Eric and I really made him laugh a lot, which was exciting.

My exam did come. Ryan pointed out Rob, and said I needed to make time to tell him my concept, he's one of the decision makers here. Fortunately I had loosened up, had this moment come right away, I would have puked on his shoes... but I had gotten some practice. I still didn't know how to initiate the conversation, but I didn't have to just then. As the night wore on Eric and I were busy in conversation with David (the Ed McMahon) and Marilyn, who "were" East Garrison, both the vision and funding. I knew I needed to impress them but didn't have to try, they were so enjoyable I forgot I was under scrutiny. David had dated Marilyn Monroe, had houses in LA, Carmel, and Maui, lived abroad for 30 years and loved talking of his life like grandfather does to his grand kids. Marilyn had vacationed with Chuck Norris, so that was a huge conversation point. We told them we wanted to name all our kids Chuck Norris, it was great.

I still kept in mind I needed to meet up with Rob, but found myself lost in conversation with David, pouring out my enthusiasm for my business concept and fire for the East Garrison project on him, which proved to be an excellent investment of my time.

Rob finally approached me, and after a quick introduction, put three questions to me: why, with the tanning industry on a decline because of health concerns, do I want to open one; why in East Garrison; and what, if any, is my experience in the industry. Staying as conversational as possible, I went through the spiel I had already given several times that night. Then, I heard from behind me, David telling Eric how impressed he was with me, and soon he interrupted. "Rob, I want them at the VIP event, sign them up, get this girl a contract... she has it, she shares our vision. Your questions are answered."

The cocktail party was a preliminary trial to see who they wanted in to "the next round" and we had passed. I wrapped up any additional questions Rob had, we discussed the importance of relationships in the community and with a "talk with Ryan, he'll get you set up, you still have a ways to go, but welcome..." Rob was gone. I was excited, and so proud of both Eric and myself, but I was still to get the biggest compliment of my life.

"I know it's not tactful to ask, but how old are you" David asked as I turned back to the group. I wasn't sure how he'd respond, but I admitted I was only 22. His look was of utterly impressed shock. It was wonderful. He said I carried and presented myself as a true professional and entrepreneur, adding "if I was to make a wager on you, I would win. Whether it's with us or elsewhere, you will be a success. Not enough young people have passion or direction, and you have both."

I'm not writing this to gloat, I just found this whole experience so encouraging! I'm following my dream. On the way home Eric and I were marveling in how if this last year hadn't happened, how much less we would be accomplishing. Eric never could be recording at the Blasting Room next month, which is his dream, and I don't have a doubt in my mind that had Dallas not left me, I would have never had the confidence to accomplish anything beyond the ordinary. It's so sad to think I would have settled for the safety of a teaching job and a mediocre husband, dying without ever knowing the meaning of true happiness. But I also know that our circumstances are mere open doors. I have an amazing man by my side and though his endless love and support mean the world to me, I know that in the end, how much I believe in myself will be the drive behind my ability to take the risks needed to know not just survival, but true success... and that will be the difference between the life and death of my dream.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Right This Moment

I am...

Drinking black tea... it is different from what I am used to, and I am not sure I really appreciate the foriegn taste and smell.

Working another long day... I hate double shifts but I need the money, especially if I'm to have the rest of this debt paid by the end of this month.

Praying for a call... one that will let Eric and I know if we got the condo on Stone Street. We need a home.

Twitching my leg... the way I do when I have had a steady flow of caffiene to my blood stream since sunrise.

Listening to Taylor Swift... hearting her to death. Remembering what it was like to have a savage crush on a man I thought I would never be cool or pretty enough for.

Planning for Bob... mentally organizing all of the places we are going to eat, starting with an In-N-Out beef fest and ending with us passed out in the gutter with funnel cake on our breath.

Admiring my ring... loving how it sparkles as I type, a beautiful reminder of a promise. Thinking of how Eric just noticed the patterns on the side mean eternity, and how sweet it was that he pointed it out.

Basking in the glow of an almost-accomplishment... my barn remodel will be done today and I am so proud of all my hard work, and that I did it all by myself.

Making image decisions... should I go get my nails done today and mystic tan so I have that extra polished look for the cocktail party? I'm unsure...

Searching for clever names... I have five new show bunnies that are in need of names, after thirteen years of naming show bunnies I'm starting to run dry.

Resisting an urge... I want to use one of my baby name choices just so I can say it out loud every day.

Wondering about a client... how she out of the blue started asking me questions about the Bible and God, how did she know I'd have the answers she couldn't get from her pastor? She doesn't know what I believe... weird.

Counting my blessings... today is just another beautiful day to appreciate the wonderful life I've been given.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Out of Panic Palace

So I don't want to come off crazier than I actually am. After my slight brain explosion the other day, I got my ass in gear and things are going good. It's stressful, but like the kind of stress you put on your body when you are working out, and it hurts, and you want to stop... but you know you won't get the results you want if you do stop.

I hope you aren't sick of hearing about this, but if you are... don't read :) because this is what I want to talk about. Today I submitted a small portion of the "concept" section of my business plan, just to check in. Here is a copy of my email :)

Well I have been quite busy with my research. I want my package to be as complete and polished as possible, I was wondering exactly what kind of time frame should I be working within. I do know my boss, John Giammanco, has been in contact with you and has shown interest in opening in East Garrison as well. Should I act on the presumption that the sooner I submit the better, in order to gain an edge? I think I have another solid week and a half of work.

Here is my other question. A large part of my concept comes from the idea that as society becomes more educated about the risks and damages of UV light, tanning is met with the same guilt as smoking and drinking. Although this is already the trend (I have some clients that live in fear of someone they know seeing them walk into the salon!), and is completely unnecessary as technology improves, I have yet to find a salon within Monterey County that is ready to let go of the technology that is "so five minutes ago," as much of my 20 something clientele would say. I was wondering if it is tactless to use concrete examples from our area in my report? I know the salons in the area very well, and I know that most of the clientele I am in contact with (which is a lot) is only choosing one salon over another based on mere convenience, and are in fact unhappy with the quality of what is offered in Monterey County. They are all very similar and lack innovation.

Here is a short passage from my "concept" area, I need to do another local salon "tour" as total bed numbers may be slightly off.

"As society becomes more health conscious that ever, people are increasingly more concerned about the damages UV light inflict on the skin. When I entered the industry, I was sure that as information on these risks became more readily available, commercial tanning would die out. Many clients walked into the salon with the same guilt as picking up a cigarette or pouring another glass of wine, knowing they would pay tomorrow for the pleasure of today. However, fear lingers in the unknown, and I have discovered that educating clients on the mechanics behind tanning and the importance of tanning slow and smart, lends to a dramatic shift in the climate of the salon.

Tanning technology is developing further with each passing day. Clients can tan for a shorter amount of time, less often, and still maintain that sun-kissed glow with minimum exposure. The technology is high UVA tanning. Many salons are catching on to this trend, but are reluctant to give up their older beds, despite the fact that they are far less efficient, more damaging, and less comfortable. Sun You Buns (Salinas, Ca) runs 13 beds, and offers 1 high UVA bed. Sahara Sun Tanning (Monterey and Salinas, Ca) runs 15 beds and offers only 1 UVA bed. Janika Tanning (Salinas, Ca) runs 12 beds and offers 2 high UVA beds.

I would love to report that today's salon is not the same salon it was 10 years ago, but despite vast improvements in tanning technology, it is."

I then go on to explain what I intend to offer, and the difference between a "conveyor belt" salon and a modern salon. I've completed a chart of what local salons offer versus what is available and I will offer. Now I was a humanities, not a business major, so I can write a compelling piece, but am not sure if it has the professional business edge. From what you see, if I can offer this kind of information in this manner, plus a financial plan, will I be on the right track? Shall I bore you with details on tanning tech or just represent that the concepts ARE there.

Thank you for your time and I hope you are enjoying this sunshine we have been having! It's been such a gloomy summer!

Cori Lynn

That was fairly scary because I was finally showing my cards a little more, you know? So I sent that like 6:30am today, and after I got back from aerobics this is what waited in my inbox.

Hey Cori,

Thanks for your email. Your are on the right track for sure! First of all, in terms of time frame, I would shoot for having something ready by mid-September. I think that your analysis of your competition is great and should be included in your plan. I also think that your "understanding" of your customer (fears, safety concerns, choices of product..) is a meaningful element of your plan as it demonstrates your experience and knowledge not only of the industry but also of your customer base. Any sketches, designs, ideas, facts can only help your plan be complete which will demonstrate your entrepreneurship and skill set.

Keep it up, let me know if you need any further information from me....By the way, I have never spoken to or heard from a John Giammanco...maybe it's another development?

Have a wonderful weekend!

Ryan Bloom

Yay! But don't get why Gina said they had spoken... hmmm...

Monday, September 3, 2007

The Bribe

Eric will be so moved by me doing an awesome survey about him that he will immediately get off the computer and bring me a chicken bacon ranch from Subway.

He is: at his apartment... on myspace... not bringing me food yet.

He likes: it when I feed him, give him kisses, and cry... for som sick and twisted reason... he likes making me cry.

He loves: his roomba... fucking roomba... thank god he CAN'T fuck it otherwise I'd be totally obsolite. Oh wait... I do the dishes and it can't reach... haha take that robo-bitch!

He hates: it when I put my finger in his ear.

He wears: cool stuff. Nothing that says "rape me, I'm a gay man." So basically not preppy or emo.

He eats: what I cook him.

He drinks: beer almost every night, and doesn't gain weight... not fair.

He drives: a cute red mustang and I'm excited to be getting joint custody of.

He works: but doesn't like to.

He runs: if he is on fire and for no other reason.

He thinks: it is funny that I am terrified by anything that moves that shouldn't... like toys, Halloween decorations, and his roomba. I started crying in Michaels because of a talking Halloween head... no joke.

He owns: my heart, my body, my entire future.

Ok that's all... bring me food... and kisses... now.