Friday, July 6, 2007

Painless

I woke in a cold sweat to the pounding of my heart. I tried to focus on the numbers on the clock, but I was still dizzy from the fall, my final prayer echoing in my head.

My dream begins with me as a student in a new society. Earth is in the process of being rebuilt in the likeness of ancient greece. Beautiful green vines blanket the rubble on which magnificent greek styled buildings are being erected. The school I'm attending is nestled in the side of a massive canyon. It's gorgeous, twice the depth of the grand canyon, & filled with pearly blue water. This isn't a dream where I know it's a dream, this is my new life. Eric & I have a place at the top of the canyon, not nestled in the side like most of the people, & not far down the way, lives Chris Horsley and his new cowgirl wife, & farther down Dallas has his place with the girl he's married. We all attend the new world meetings that are mandatory. Men who work a lot, like Chris & Eric are exempt.

I'm at a meeting sitting with Dallas' wife, who is very young, probably 16, really cute, very thin with lots of freckles... super smart, thinks Dal's an idiot, but loves his simplicity. We are great friends & we joke about all the dumb stuff he does, his latest was unexplainably exploding their only milking cow (we all have livestock, it's a very utopian, clean, live off the land society) so we make plans for her to use mine. The teacher is discussing the new weather patterns, but she has it wrong, I know because I have been doing extra research on the new world with eric. She politely let's me take the floor & I finish the lecture.

We dismiss & I decide to circle around to the other end of the canyon for the afternoon. There is heavy construction on that end, where Eric is, & I'm going to meet him there, then walk home with him. I get to the other end & my husband is nowhere to be found so I start talking to another worker about his Jeep. It is hooked to a trailer & both are tannish yellow, sprayed with that rhino finish & have transformers stuff all over it, you can barely tell the Jeep is a Jeep until you get in. He offers me a ride so I say sure.

He unhooks from the trailer, which currently blocks the road. We just go in small circles along the side of the trailer, to the edge of the canyon, & back again. It's fun, but scary as the wheels tip on the edge of the canyon. Our fourth time around the car's wheel slips over the edge, & all other sound & movement stop. I know this is it for me as the Jeep is air born.

I know fear or panic would be a sin right off, & although I'm fighting back the sadness over having such a short time with Eric, I clear my head enough to thank God for a beautiful life & ask forgiveness on a few remaining sins. I just barely have time to think of a way I can communicate to the world that I died peacefully & in full acceptance of my fate, so I gouge a "P", "A" & an "I" into my arm with my finger nail, the beginning of "painless" as the water quickly approaches.

Then I wake.

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