Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The One Thing You Do Alone

I had another one of those dreams. The kind that's impossible to fall asleep after. It's 4:30am, and I've only slept two hours before waking to a pounding heart, cold sweat, and an overwhelming desire to see Eric.

The dream hits the ground running, moving at a fast pace through scenes and images of people I know, but not well, at a party in a very large house. It's hot and humid, but I'm in the pool so it's not so bad. The water is not heated and the cold water on my sweaty skin is a welcome contrast. A group of grossly obese girls with fat white boobs spilling out of their bikini's get in the pool. Eric and I wrinkle our noses in disgust and get out, going into the house.

The house feels like a giant parlor you would find in an old plantation, or a scene out of a Sherlock Holmes mystery. There are old people there talking in hushed voices, gancing over their shoulders with panicked eyes. We know the old man standing at the desk is going to die soon. We walk through, trying to convey a respectful air, but we are waved over to a very old woman who also does not look long for this world.

She says the time we've been waiting for is here, it came sooner than we expected but to know we've done well. She said everything that is good in the world is going to die and that is going to mean us. She offers to let us see our deaths so we can know when it's about to happen and be able to properly say goodbye when the moment comes.

We agree, but can't actually see it with our eyes. It's just a knowledge she imparts on us. We know we are suffocating, the air is very cold, and Eric will be ripped from me before I'm gone and we will each die alone.

We come out of her mind and move on to the bedroom, where we were originally headed. The bed is very soft, with a puffy floral comforter and lacy pillows. We lay in the middle of it, our heads at the foot, turned to eachother, thinking of what we "saw." It's a very still, painful moment... the memory of which is probably why I can't go back to sleep.

We go outside and we know then end is beginning. People are running and although the idea may seem comical, there are giant spiders attacking. These are not the good dying, just the average, normal person who never bothered to be better. It's horrifying, there's the sickening crunch of human bones, tear of skin and organs, and agonizing screams all around us. We don't run, but walk from the building calmly. There are a series of tasks we have to complete, none of which I can remember, perhaps that idea is in my head because I just read Harry Potter, but either way, we complete them.

The spiders are still everywhere, and the smell of open bodies in the sun is inescapable. We are moving fast back to the house when a huge blue-grey leg whips us into the air. The force is incredible, we are so high we know we must be getting to a point where the atmosphere is so thin we won't be able to breath.

We have a shockingly long moment there in the sky. There is a horrible, tearful goodbye, one I'd gladly like to push from my mind right now but can't. Finally I'm getting dizzy, and very cold, I'm not ready but know there's no choice in the matter. As Earth becomes completely invisible beneath us we hit a level of intense winds, and we are blown in separate directions. I watch him disappear, glad I'm on the brink of death, because this is not a moment I care to live beyond.

I suppose the idea is that you can share everything with someone, but there is one thing you really do have to do alone.

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