Sunday, May 6, 2007

Buffet:2 Cori:2

There are a few things that fascinate me to no end...

- Why Ssians are best at doing nails, whites you may try, but you fall painfully short. I want to see the biological reason behind this phenomenon.

- Why Mormons wear name tags. Does this make your religion more valid? Like "don't listen to that Jew, he doesn't even have a name tag that says 'Jew name (I can't think of one) of Salinas Jew Church'... he could be anyone!" I hate Jew imposters too Mormon man... but seriously...

- Why lines and traffic piss people off when it's partially your fault, you are in the line/traffic, you are apart of the problem. Punch yourself in the face before you honk... then if you still want to honk, find Chuck Norris so he can punch you, apparently you suck at it.

- and finally, why I look down on people who go to buffets.

This is a huge problem in my life and the source of 17.6% of my yearly sin tally, just under the 19.5% of Jew mocking, and above the 12.1% of Asian loathing. If I could take care of this area for good I could devote that much more time to the recently neglected areas of burning jealousy and petty gossip. I can literally (and have) sit at a buffet, or as I like to call it, the white trash watering hole, for hours, not eating, just staring at people, imagining what kind of sad existence these people lead, and what failure laden path brought them to the back of the buffet line. You never see pretty or thin people there. They are always in sweat pants, grossly obese, and herding around a small flock of dirty, androgynous children. I know I'm a hypocrite because I'm there too, but I'm not one of them, it's like the difference between going to a strip club every weekend or going with some friends just to check it out... you aren't really a participant... you aren't dirty like they are.

So there... I'm a bad person, I'm going to hell...

I wonder if there are buffets there too...

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