Thursday, April 26, 2007

Hell Tub

What the hot tub taught me about Eric...

Back story:
So I'm currently house sitting a beautiful house up in San Benancio. It has a personal gym, huge tv, a wrap around deck that over looks the canyon, and a hot tub. Life is sweet.

The Scene:
After a long day of nothing, Eric andI are stoked to rev up the hot tub and chill under the stars, our new favorite after dark activity. I'm bikinied up and ready to get in, yay... totally excited because it was broken the night before, and there's nothing worse than basically getting naked in the freezing cold for nothing. Something went wrong and the jets wouldn't work and the temp went up to 120 degrees... and we did not feel like being Cori and Eric soup. Tonight, jets are working, sweet... but it's not as hot as we like our hot tub. No prob, I turn up the heat and we jump in. Let the awesome begin.

The Suffering:
Awesome did not begin. It was colder than we thought. We found the little heat vent at the bottom and felt warm water flowing out, awesome, it'll heat up in no time, and for now we'll just huddle over this tiny vent. So huddle we did and I tried to ignore the icicles forming on my wet hair. Every so often Eric would say "It feels warmer, right?" but I always said no and threatened to give up. I thought maybe I should check the heat again, so a pulled myself out of the water. Immediately the rush of icy wind took my breath away and I plunged back into the water. Eric was shivering but not so worried. I however, had felt the horror that loomed just outside the swirling lukewarm water. My threats of heading back to the house disappeared with the white puffs of my breath. I whined that I was done with this ride and U wanted off, and that's when my sweet Eric's halo seemed to evaporate with my body heat to be replaced with little horns and a slightly sinister laugh.

The Revealing:
Never have I not liked a word that has come out of this boy's mouth. He spews brilliance and genius 24 hours a day, and I'm just lucky to be in the splash zone. Suddenly I do not know this man. He begins saying how he loves being caught in miserable situations with people, and how shivering in the freezing tub makes him think of church. What? Time passes. I'm shaking, I'm freezing, and now I have to pee... I'm seriously on the verge of tears... to which he laughs and says he looks forward to watching me try to make it to the house, most likely screaming and flailing, but he assures me I probably won't make it, the hypothermia will take me. Uhhh how about, "Aw I'm sorry sweetie let me get you a towel." No! It becomes a test of wills, and bladders. He begins to settle down and claim the water is not so bad. With a raised eyebrow I recall an episode of taxi where the characters had to have sex in the snow in order keep up body heat and survive, and I wonder if he's seen it too... and perhaps is concocting some plan. Suddenly the smile I adore brings chills as icy as the wind, which has just picked up mockingly. My protector is now a frightening predator. I lift a toe out of the water and watch as it's suddenly blue in seconds.

I won't make it back to the house. I'm going to die here.

The Escape:
I stare at Eric from across the water and think of all those couples whose relationships collapse after a tragic experience, like the death of a child or a house fire. How sometimes horrible sides of people are revealed in tragedy. Surely he can tell by my icy little tears and shivering glare that I hate his soul right now, and his mocking smile makes me wish I had a fork to plunge into his skull. I whine once more that I'm cold, and he offers to pee in the water. Who is this man??? I know if we ever escape this icy hell tub we will be one of those couples people whisper about when they see one of us in town. They will say "Oh yes, Cori Vevoda and Eric Gentry, yes they had a very bright future... babies, sunsets and rocking chairs... yes, well until... the hot tub." As if he hears my thoughts, or perhaps is just tired of my crying, Eric gets out of the water, and as he shivers slightly he says, it's not so bad, come on..." And proceeds to stand there and dry off. Ok, well if he's standing there and not running it must not be that bad.

I was wrong, so fucking wrong... I'm attacked by stinging winds and can barely breath... fight or flight... flight... so I run as fast as I can up the stairs and back to the house... and Eric wins... he gets to see me run practically naked, and totally soaking wet... back to house... I slam the sliding glass door behind me and consider locking it... but that'll only slow me down on the way to the bedroom. I stop long enough to turn up the heat to 80 and rip off my suit which is now freezing to my skin.

Eric struts back into the house with a look of ultimate satisfaction. I'm warm now, and happy. I guess the fabric of our relationship is stronger than I expected because suddenly evil Eric is forgotten. Foolishness on my part, perhaps... he knows I'm a sucker... but I'm his sucker so it's ok. So I'll keep the boy, but I'm pushing the hot tub off the deck into the canyon first thing in the morning...

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Relationship Status

*under my bed in the dark with my laptop and a flashlight... whispering*

I'm gonna do it... but I'm scared... *thump* oooooh God what was that?? Ok... it's not that big of a deal... it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok it's ok... oh God I'm doing that rocking talking to myself thing again *creeeeek* WTF? I'm on carpet carpet doesn't creek... how do you even spell that, creak? No... yes? No... fuck!!! Maybe I'll do it with one eye closed and it won't be so scary... damn... I can't see anything now... fuck... delete... space bar... enter... m... /... no this won't work: eyes open. It's just Myspace... it's a website, it's nothing... it doesn't mean anything *little scrambling feet over head* ooooh shit I'm sorry Myspace!!! Oh God you mean everthing!!! Ok pull yourself together ok it's ok it's ok it's fine it's ok... ok ok ok ok gonna do it.... now! shut eyes!!!

Status: In a relationship

*slam laptop closed and run into the closet*

Friday, April 20, 2007

Vintage Marriage

I was thinking about how summer is coming and that means wedding season. I was thinking of all the women who are coming into the tanning salon to get tan so they look good on their wedding days and how flustered so many of them seem. I was sitting here listening to interviews done by this company called Story Corps, most of them elderly people talking about their spouses, and it just made me hope that some of these women can get over the hype of one day and prepare their souls, not just their skin. There's a lot of weddings, but I fear there are not enough marriages, and it's really too bad. Here's a few passages that I hope you find inspiring, evidence that what some of us still strive for, exists.

"I couldn't imagine how i was going to live in a world that didn't have him in it, but life has a way of demanding you live it... i hope that you are going to find somebody that you can love as completely as i loved herman, because there is nothing in the world that's as wonderful as two people in love, there's nothing better."
nora percival, 91. husband died when she was 24.

"When we first got married I said 'I want to have a lot of children because I want you to populate the Earth, I think that would make it a better place...' and it was a love affair until the day he died and I'll never... never get over him."
- Florence Aaron

"She said 'Claire cannot conceive,' but she had never made Claire aware of this, and she wanted to know if I was still going to marry her anyhow, and I said 'Yes, I am ready to marry her anyhow'... then she asked 'How we would tell Claire?' and I said that I'd tell her myself, on our wedding night, and that's what happened... I had true love for her... and since she's died I find myself floundering trying to figure out what to do with the rest of my life."
William Jacobs

"When you get married you know how your dad walks you down or your brother walks you down, well when we got married she didn't know which brother to pick because she didn't want to offend anyone, so she said 'I got a solution... you walk in with me, you walk out with me.' So the other day I asked her '[when I die] who are you going to have walk down the aisle with you behind the casket?' you know, to support her, and she said 'nobody, I walked in with you alone and I'm walking out with you alone.'"
Danny and Annie Perasa

"You know I've always said the only thing I have to give you is a poor gift and that's myself, but I gave it everyday, and if there's a way for me to come back and give it I'll do that too... when a guy is happily married, no matter what happens at work no matter what happens with the rest of the day, there's always a shelter, there's knowledge that you can come home and hug someone without them throwing you down the stairs and saying 'Get your hands off me,' you know, being married is like having a color television set, once you have it you never want to go back to black and white."
Danny Perasa. February 16th 2006, 8 days before passing away leaving behind his wife, Annie.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

A Lust

It's like a nervous tick. When it's too quiet and too still, I get this kind of twitch. It's a reflex to resist until there's a little slip and I'm tempted to make this trip which is kind of where I sit

It's a lust for attention—

Not for social ascension, nor selfish convention, not praise I'm demanding, just simple understanding. I tire of the tension and branding, misunderstanding and lack of comprehension. How, when so many could learn from one another, do we still have so much conflict and dissension?

And of what am I talking? Of course curiosity is the source of your stalking, your tracking of my blogging, perhaps a clue or two to the force behind my varied discourse, hidden opinions on my life's progression, and the new beliefs I endorse. In a mine you sift through my word's design for evidence of remorse, reference to divorce, pre, post, extramarital intercourse, or controversial friendship praemorse. In my little stores, in my cracks, crevices, in my mind's vast concourse they're there, their antrorse poking sprouting uprooting my little universe.

The temptation undulating, the message I'm relating, is cyclical defending.

U hope to have not written this vainly so for once I'll treat you humanely and convey my message plainly...

I'm occasionally tempted to defend myself and what I write, to explain that I mean no harm and that it is all in good fun. But any misunderstanding is the fault not of the misunderstood but of the person doing the misunderstanding because they have chosen the mode in which to understand their subject. Cybercori is real life Cori on crack, she's fun to be but she isn't quite me... after all, who actually would put their full self on the web for anyone to see? I think that's just a touch vulgar, for I prefer to save that side for those who know me more intimately.