Monday, January 8, 2007

Guy Masterbating at the Cherry Bean:1 Cori:0

Because I married young, I was excused from many of the horrors that the typical single female must endure. I must be honest, the jokes about the absurdities men will go through to get a girl in bed seemed to just that, only jokes, as no one was doing much of anything to get me in bed. I believe what I see. Oh me of little faith...

Well consider me a believer. I have for a long time wanted to blog about some of the crazy dates I've been on and the insane ways that guys have tried to score me, but I'm usually on to the next car wreck of a date before I can really mentally process that last. I'd love to get into it all now... but my most recent emotional scarring needs to be released into cyberspace.

I made the decision to stop dating about... uhhhh a week ago. this means I have a lot of extra time on my hands, which I like to spend quietly with the new puppy, Seamus, at the Cherry Bean. I'm at the Bean almost every night. No one bothers me there. Last night, it was like fate cashed in on me, making me pay for my countless perfect evenings all at once.

I sat at the window and began typing away at my laptop, passing a cookie to Seamus and stopping to people watch every so often. An older guy sat down next to me, asked me a few questions about my dog (he is a different looking dog so I tolerate the questions) and began reading his paper. Every so often he would look up and ask me a few more questions, which I would answer, without looking up, in my most I-am-busy-and-uninterested-in-you-but-am-being-polite voice. Finally, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed he was awkwardly turned towards me and staring at me. Freak. Then he began asking slightly more personal questions, like where did I grow up and what career was I looking to go into. Taken aback by his cluelessness, I finally looked up only to see he was full on jacking off behind his paper. I know! OMG! Not like that slow creepy rub some guys do via pocket, he was going to town! Fortunately it was in his pants, but the whole ordeal was very visible.

So, I picked up my stuff and high tailed it out of there. As I got up he did too and followed me out. Yeah, rape at the Cherry Bean, I knew I was soon going to become a lifetime movie. My attack pit bull did nothing but wag his tail happily (thanks seamus, he's actually bull terrier and corgie or something)... so I threw him in the car and drove home to shower... with lysol and bleach.

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