Friday, December 14, 2007

The Alchemist

I have decided that I don't care too much about what people think of me... my greatest challenge is dealing with how other people think of others, and THAT being applied to me. I've wanted to post this passage for a while, but what stops me is all the little mockingbirds that write these beautiful, lovely blogs... but they are all fake. The little mirrors that know how to perfectly reflect a love that they don't actually know. I'm afraid their lies will be applied to me, though I really do have something perfect, what we were meant to have. I'd hate for that to be likened to, and mistook as anything near what they claim they have... or had. But I must post this, I've been putting it off but I have to share, mockingbirds be damned.

I started out hating this book. I came by it on a recommendation from Meredith, and I was shocked but it's dull simplicity... not what I expected from her at all! I covered the first 70 pages in an evening. Then suddenly, a book about a Spanish shepherd on a journey through Egypt became about a girl with previously no faith in love or a plan who comes to give her entire life to both. Suddenly the book was about me... and right on in it's delivery.

This is what I want to share with you... it's a passage that makes for a turning point in the character, just as I had sitting next to Eric one night talking about God and love and a plan. If you've never had one of those moments where the fog is lifted and the world makes perfect, clear sense... I'm so sorry. It's amazing when your life finally snaps into focus, never to blur again.

Anyhow... this is from The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho:
"She smiled, and certainly that was an omen--the omen he had been awaiting, without even knowing he was, for all his life. It was the pure language of the world. It required no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. What the boy felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only woman in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing. He was more certain of it than anything in the world. He had been told by his parents and grandparents that he must fall in love and really know the person before becoming committed. But maybe people who felt that way have never learned the universal language. Because, when you know that language, it is easy to know that someone in the world awaits you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in a great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world."
I hope the shepherd boy get's to come home to his desert girl... and live every day and night as blissfully as Eric and I are. We will see.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Something Different

Ten things you want to say to ten different people:
1. I need to know that I am truly forgiven for that phase I went through... I need to know every day that I have your friendship and you still love me as much as you did before that horrible time because you’re a friend I can’t stand to lose.

2. I hate that everyone believed your lies, comforted you, and will never know the truth! Everytime I hear "poor you" I so desperately wish I could say "oh if only you knew!" but I can’t blame them because if I hadn’t heard you with my own ears I wouldn’t have believed it myself and you would still have my love & friendship despite the awkward circumstances. I wish I knew how even with the knife in your hand you come off as the sacrificial lamb.

3. I want to be your friend. I want you to be apart of my world and I want to be apart of yours but I don’t know how to ever make it happen... because I think that if it was going to happen, it would have by now.

4. I hate most girls but not you! You don’t feel fake, you aren’t sicky sweet splenda that turns to disgusting poison when the pressure is turned up like some girls I know. I really appreciate you. I trust you with my secrets... like candy. You aren’t a freaking mirror, just becoming what everyone else around you is! You are such a breath of fresh air! And you don’t smoke... I heart you.

5. You’re gay... admit it so we can call off the bets.

6. I think it’s really ironic that you are such a pious Christian but your girlfriend has a white trash hooker’s name.

7. I’m so glad that we are good and that we can drink and laugh and party it up hardcore like I always wish we could before!!!

8. I want to know how you can sleep at night knowing that you are so much less than what you are capable of being... I want to know if you ever feel as if you have showered away the filth you’ve become. Is the fog that the drugs bring ever quite enough to obscure the ugly truth?

9. You are the only person in the world I wish death on because even though it would hurt your children, your wife has always deserved better, but she is too good of a wife to leave you... I truly hate that she is wasting herself on you.

10. I’m sorry you hurt but it’ll be ok... just trust me.

Nine things about yourself:
1. I’m not like I was.
2. I’m far beyond content.
3. I’m consistent.
4. I think college is over rated.
5. I still fall in love with baby bunnies.
6. I’m a natural cook.
7. I’m loyal to a fault.
8. I’m every man’s dream.
9. But only one man’s reality :)

Eight ways to win my heart:
1. Protect me and never be willing to be bullied, bribed or begged away from your post... even if it’s by me.
2. Tell me when I’m funny, I can never hear it enough.
3. Humor me when I ask you if I’m pretty for the billionth time.
4. Have total confidance in me.
5. Make me laugh until I literally can’t breath... and make it look like you weren’t even trying.
6. Seduce me every night as if I’m not a sure thing.
7. Write songs about me and pretend the songs about other girls... aren’t.
8. Just be Eric... no one else could’ve won me like he did :)

Seven things that cross your mind alot:
1. Eric.
2. Babies.
3. Bunny work.
4. House shopping.
5. Working out (or lack there of).
6. What to make for dinner.
7. Eric some more.

Six things you wish you never did:
1. England.
2. CSUMB.
3. Looked up to her.
4. Listened to & liked K-LOVE.
5. Asked evil Scott to show us a house.
6. Wasted my time on anyone that wasn’t Eric.

Five turn offs:
1. If you’re not confident.
2. If you’re not insanely hott.
3. If you’re not clean & you don’t smell good.
4. If you’re not flirty & fun in bed.
5. Basically, if you’re not Eric.


Three words that describe your life:
1. Peaceful
2. Passionate
3. Perfect

Two things you want to do before you die:
1. Have sex in a castle.
2. Populate the Earth with little Erics... maybe starting in a castle?

One confession:
1. I don’t just love my husband... I’m flat out addicted to him

Thursday, November 29, 2007

The Season of Suffering

When it comes to protecting my Christmas Happiness no measure is too extreme. Booby traps, alarms, vicious dogs... a moat. I have a very ridged formula as to what constitutes Christmas Happiness, and it will remain that way at all costs.

Step 1 to Christmas Happiness: Buy a tree.

Not cut one down, and not open a box... only freezing cold in a parking lot with flood lights and numb fingers. The only acceptable tree, Noble Firs, are hard to come by in farms, and fake Christmas trees are child abuse. This sounds a little natzi... but I have very specific Christmas Happiness.

Eric is "allergic"* to trees. I love Eric so I was willing to break the first commandment of Christmas Happiness: "Thou shalt not have a fake tree." The idea made my stomach hurt but I agreed to shop around. To make a very long, painful, tear filled story short, I couldn't find anything acceptable under $300. My Christmas Happiness was on a ventilator in ICU... it couldn't take much more.

Finally I decided that I've had Christmas Happiness longer than Eric has had these "allergies" and maybe like in Rock Paper Scissors, Christmas Happiness beats "allergies."

I called my mom and told her I was getting a tree. She told me Eric couldn't handle it, it wasn't right, it wasn't fair to him... to make this his "Season of Suffering." Well we all have to make sacrifices.

So Eric agreed to come, and I made sure he was in with the Christmas Happiness spirit. You HAVE to have the spirit or the whole thing feels wrong and cheap. So all spirited up we headed out to the lot for Eric's first Christmas tree shopping experience. Once again I will spare you the gory details... but about 1 tree in Eric wanted to go home... and by the 8th I could see annulment in his eyes. As other families found their perfect trees all around us, every one we painstakingly cut open and unwrapped was lopsided, had bald patches, was crooked... not Christmas Happiness acceptable.

I did my best to keep the spirit alive but Eric had already run a stake through his and had a knife to the throat of mine. I knew I had maybe one more tree unwrapping left in him and thank the lord we found the one in that bundle.

My home now smells like tree and although it was touch and go for a while there... Christmas Happiness prevailed. Oh and I erased Eric's memory so he won't remember the misery when the last week of November rolls around next year.

And as for the "allergies," Eric has shown no signs... Cori: 1 Eric's "Allergies:" 0

I think the moral of the story is that if someone loves you enough, they'll do anything for you... even change their biological makeup.




*I don't believe in allergies

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Comeback Kid

This weekend was my first rabbit show in over a year and a half. Most people have no idea what to expect when I say rabbit show. Ever seen Best In Show? Well the rabbit world is not so different. Everyone knows everyone & are very competitive. Even though I have been doing this for 13 years, I'm a relatively small fish, so I fall under most of the drama radar.

Breeders are ranked by district (the US is divided into 9) and then an overall national ranking. My name was finally creeping up the District 2 charts, which is not easily done when #1 in the national ranks is in your district. When I left the scene I was showing almost every weekend & making quite a name for myself. I left completely without warning, but when I was ready to return, I decided to return in the same way.

I have two breeds. One I've had for 7 years, the other I'm completely new to. I decided to only enter the breed I have experience with, my Mini Lops. I had no idea where I'd place in the mix, but at 5am on Sunday morning I loaded up the best of what I've produced this last year & headed to the show.

I didn't have anytime to socialized, my breed was called soon after I got there. I got my stock to the table (we have tables, not rings) & stepped back, eying either end to view my competitors. Three of the breeders there have been in the breed for over 20 years, 2 have national standings, & 2 I didn't know. I wondered if anyone who I knew knew me would say hi... but they didn't til I did, whatever. I'm here to compete anyway.

And compete I did. I couldn't believe my eyes, I'm not sure anyone else could either. First I won 3 of the 5 classes I competed in, and then got 2 Best of Varieties, and then Best of Breed! Seriously, this was amazing... I had rarely done this well when I was at the top of my game 2 years ago. I guess spending all that time in my barn breeding and culling paid off!

But that wasn't the end of my day. I had a new breed and I needed to get to know the other people who are in this breed. Now this is one of the highest priced breeds, with most animals going for between $100 & $200. I bought the best stock I could afford. Instead of buying 10 $30-40 animals and hoping to improve them through breeding, I only bought 4 $100 animals. I brought my first baby that I have produced to the show... to see what the "big hitters" in the breed thought. I was so scared that I'd place my little girl in front of them & they would nod & smile & send me off with a few nice words & a "keep at it, we'll see you later."

I brought up Fizzlybear & set her infront of the highest ranked breeder I knew of, introduced myself, & asked if she had time to give me an opinion on my first rabbit. I couldn't believe her responce! She said that this was a rabbit that I could not buy... she was that good! I asked if she had a buck for sale that would compliment her, & she said nothing she had to sell was as good as this rabbit! She showed her to all the other breeders & everyone cooed over her & congradulated me. The editor for this breed's guide book was there & even had a photographer take a picture of her for the newest issue! Yeah, my FIRST Netherland Dwarf will be in the guide book as the ideal for her color... a huuuuge deal!

So... all in all the weekend was better than I could have hoped. I have 4 shows the second weekend in December. I will be showing my Netherlands for the first time! I'm a little nervous... but excited more than anything. I am hoping that if I am focused & make all the right moves I will be competitive enough to attend 2008 Nationals in Kentucky... we'll see. So wish my Nethies and my Mini Lops luck... we're out to conquer the world... or something like that.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Fantasy Baseball

My cell rang late last Monday night: "For closure on San Angelo, 1700 sf, only $495,000. Here is the number, I know it's late but maybe it's the realtor's cell and he can get you in tomorrow, it's technically not even on the market yet. Jump on it."

This is how Eric and I are house shopping, a full out ninja blitz on the market. I have Salinas set up like a battlefield grid, and I carefully map when potentials in our target areas (Maple Park of course, Woodside, Spreckles, and River Rd) pop up. I'm honestly surprised how good we are at this... we've already scoped some killer deals that I really think most 1st time home buyers would miss, but I think our main advantage isn't just our smarts, but our attitude. The best warriors are the one with the fasted hand and calmest head... like Chuck Norris.

A lot of people are so stressed and rushed when buying a house, they make countless mistakes in the chaos! Partially for myself, partially from my slightly skittish husband, I came up with the concept of this being like fantasy baseball or Ender's Game. Even though Eric and I are totally stoked, the whole meeting with mortgage brokers and putting up with pushy realtors can be intimidating. But we started to go through house print outs like playing cards, and push our assets around like monopoly money, and the whole experience has become so fun! My husband and I cruise the Salinas, critiquing and comparing, and having the best time! Our mortgage broker even picked up on our relaxed attitude and complimented us, as well as on our preparedness and astute eye on the market (seriously, call me the Chuck Norris of real estate).

We are taking our time in this, but everything has really been falling together. I'm not sure what we'll find... but just like finding each other, I'm sure it'll be the easiest, most obvious decision ever!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

First Review of Eric's First Record!!!

When it comes to Eric's band, I honestly see myself as fan first, singer's wife second. I've thought he was an amazing tallent since the first time I saw The Adorkables in October of 2005. By October of 2006, still positive he would be a success, I asked him not to forget me when he hit it big... never thinking just a year later I would be in his life for good. I really believe in these boys and it is SO exciting to see other people... people that actually matter... do too!!! Here is the first review of The Adorkables' first record, "In The After Hours." Enjoy!!!

The Adorkables
In The After Hours 7"
(Devil's Hand Records)

(REVIEW BY RUTLEDGE)


I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for the up-and-coming bands that Jimmy Reject so fervently touted in his last years. The Adorkables were one such band. Jimmy sensed their promise from the first demo, and surely now he's looking down with great satisfaction as that promise is fulfilled. He's probably holding court with Stiv Bators and Darby Crash at this very moment, subjecting them to 101 reasons why they should open their minds and give The Adorkables a chance. I bet you he's already got G.G. Allin on board.

In what has been the best year for the genre in over a decade, The Adorkables' "Dance Class" just might be my favorite pop-punk song of 2007. And now we get a completely horror-themed EP from The Adorkables. It's a dandy! The first thing I noticed about this EP was that the opening guitar lines reminded me of the Parasites. It's hard to go wrong starting off like that - and the rest of In The After Hours does not disappoint. The Adorkables play pop-punk that leans hard to the pop side of the equation. The emphasis on melodies, harmonies, and production sets these guys apart from the purely formulaic practitioners of the pop-punk style. Perhaps because of Eric Gentry's vocal tone, Lillingtons comparisons will be unavoidable. There are other similarities too, like the catchy guitar leads and the pleasing contrast between upbeat melodies and sinister subject matter. And being that this is a horror-themed record, you had to know there would be some slight Danzig inflections in Gentry's delivery. Nothing wrong with that, and it all works like a charm for The Adorkables. The band's not trying to reinvent the wheel here - these are fun, Ramonesy pop-punk songs about zombies, mind control, and mannequins come to life. Yet The Adorkables bring in enough of their own style and personality to keep things sounding fresh. It's probably been said before, but In The After Hours is the perfect Halloween record. Buy it and ghoul out!

The Adorkables are recording an album this month at the famous Blasting Room in Fort Collins, Colorado. The working title is ...She Loves Me Not, which suggests that the group will be going back to songs about girls. And as much as I enjoy a good horror tune from time to time, love songs are way more up my alley. If The Adorkables have got a few more songs as good as "Dance Class", then ...She Loves Me Not will definitely be one of my most-highly anticipated releases of next year!

Lord Rutledge
October 4, 2007

Friday, October 26, 2007

Conflited


I bought a book at the airport because the hard drive on my laptop crashed and I had nothing to do. I bought Middlesex, judged it by it's colorless cover of the silhouettes of two smoking girls, a smokey ship, and a smoking skyline that it was something I would like. The name intrigued me, and it was an Opera Book Club book so I knew it had to have some intellectual value. I am about 140 pages into the 530. I'm smitten, disgusted, confused... completely conflicted.

Author Jeffrey Eugenides writes like I write... a deliberate stream of consciousness in poetry... lines that seem to stream into each other on accident but each word is very purposefully placed. It's an interesting style for a novel. He goes on narrating the story of his ancestors, how he came to be in his present state... organizing the facts and dates and suddenly he drags you back into the purpose of the story, to drag you into his pain and explain who and why he is.

I love it... I love the story and the characters... but I feel completely guilty for doing so. The story is seeped in taboo. Full of incest, murder, homosexuality, and the more confusing topic of intersexuality (the narrator is a hermaphrodite that is raised a girl (decided by doctors) but is actually a boy). I don't enjoy anything shocking for pure shock value... honestly. I have traditional, conservative views, but somehow they fly out the window with this book. I can so deeply identify with Lefty... how he makes his decisions, his loneliness, his emotions, that I completely forget he fell in love with and married his sister. Cal is so masculine, so poetic and brilliant, you can't help but completely mourn the fact that he will never be able to settle down and be with a woman because of his embarrassment over his physical condition.

You forget what and who they are and love the character, but are continually snapped into the shock of it all. You are impressed with how beautifully Des responds to her husband... then suddenly you remember: Omg, this sex scene is between full siblings! But it's too late, you are already sucked in. Or you are deep into the thoughts of the 40 year old unmistakably male narrator and then suddenly he's recalling a scene from his childhood... dressed in pink tights and a skirt. He's not meaning to shock, he makes no outward recognition that this is odd... it's just his childhood, as a girl.

So, needless to say, I'm conflicted... by Cal, not so much, because his plight is the fault of his inbreeding grandparents and parents... but then THEY are such sympathetic characters that you don't want to blame them. You understand why they've done what they've done and you are almost rooting them on, until you recoil and wonder, what am I thinking??? I think I'm going to just love this book... unapologetically. It may be the most well written piece I have ever read, and I think just for that, it deserves my admiration and approbation.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Gaps

I'm a girl, but I am not wholly retarded when it comes to building stuff. I was looking at a table that was made for me. It's a beautiful table, but with a good wiggle the back right leg comes off. The joints were not sanded enough first so they didn't properly bond when glued. Easily fixed, but easier still to just do it right at the beginning as there's no old glopply glue to work through.

As Eric and I merge our two worlds to one, there's undoubtedly a little glue to work though. As his and mine become ours there's more than enough that can't make the transition. Gifts, letters, pictures, both obvious as well as unexpected reminders of a past life that need sanding away. Most people in a frantic, superficial and emotionally driven attempt at healing, rip away at these right after a break-up, but Eric and I didn't...

Sitting on the floor of our living room I sorted through the memories... letters, pictures, strange little mementos... I know the stories behind them all, the gaps of time between the snap shots, the conversations between the letters... and I realized how poorly we represent our lives sometimes... and how deliberate the deception often is.

I found my old diary, every entry a love letter never sent. I poured over my words, completely impressed with their eloquence. I so passionately wanted to give my heart to someone who deserved it, and surprisingly, even at such a young age, I knew exactly what kind of man did. I realized that as I wrote, I made each man "that man" by wrongfully applying the attributes that even then I knew they didn't have, justifying each relationship to my paper... pen... and future self. Fortunately, as future me, I'm not so easily fooled.

I picked up a picture from my honeymoon, remembering how painfully hard it was to answer the question "How was the honeymoon?" afterwards, and thanking God for having lots of smiling pictures to lie for me. Sometimes in a smile you can see a shadow of pain, but not here. My smile is so bright, so perfect that you would never guess that only hours before I was curled tight into a ball of sheets and fury, crying my eyes out into a pillow, begging to know how I could be so heartlessly deceived, why I deserved so little love and so much rejection. One of the most painful days of my life, but what a brilliant liar a photo makes.

Perhaps stranger still was packing away Eric's memories. Knowing which unhappy gaps fit between which smiling photos, I fought that sick confusion that comes with knowing you've being so classically fooled, and trying to not take the deceptions personally... which I do all too often. I laid our pasts side by side. It was like a little double burial, only no one cried and no kind words were shared. Looking at Eric sleeping on the couch, looking down to our box, and back at him... I put the little liars to rest. They had done their jobs brilliantly, but would no longer be needed. I curled up on my groggy man's lap and rewarded myself with a much deserved rest... excited to have lots of empty albums to fill with our love and happiness... and perfectly sanded edges all ready to be glued for good :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Dog Vomit

Pharasiac: Rigid observance of external forms of religion, without genuine piety; hypocrisy in religion; a censorious, self-righteous spirit in matters of morals or manners.

Self-righteous: Piously sure of one's own righteousness; smugly moralistic. Exhibiting pious self-assurance. Righteous in one's own esteem.

Asshole: insulting terms of address for people who are stupid or irritating or ridiculous.

You know when someone starts a blog with definitions, some shit is for sure gonna go down, it's a technique all of the masters of blogging have perfected. This, however, is not a compliant, but a confession.

A am, infact, a dog that returns to its vomit. It's true, and I return again and again and again, each time feeling sicker than the last but returning just the same. I have a problem with making people something they are not... trustworthy, rational, intelligent, caring. It's not new people, but old friends that I expect to grow up and better themself; to someday come around and wake up from their self-righteous, pharasiac fog... so I reach out. Again and again, each time in absolute shock of their cold, irrational judgment.

I work very hard to be nice, a trait I was not born with but had to develop. I have firm beliefs but I am tolerant of people being wrong :). I think I am smart girl, but why am I so blatantly stupid in this area? I don't trust drug addicts, I don't trust criminals, hell, if someone smokes I trust them a little less... but polish that pious exterior and everytime I will forget your rotted, hypocritical core...

I think I'm just disappointed in how stupid I really am. There are so many people I want to love and trust, but I just have to remember they extend neither to me. I don't know what they are thinking, my instincts are too naive, maybe when my efforts come back up this time, they won't look so appetizing.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Rain

1. When was the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
February 15th, and it was insanely amazing, I was so nervous... but it was freaking awesome. It probably would have been on Valentines Day, because that was our first date, but Eric was being stalked by Annette and she showed up at his front door all sad and weird... killed the mood.

2. What's the most exciting thing that happened to you today?
Um, I got a message from Bri and I drank some tea... not doing too bad so far. Yesterday I flicked a bugger on the car next to me at a stop light... I was feeling playful, that was the best thing that happened yesterday. Oh wait, giving my barely English speaking Jap doctor a heart attack when I took of my pants to show him my leg, without warning him. I was wearing underwear, I don't know what his issue was.

3. How many best friends do you have?
Just one, Eric... he kicks ass.

4. Would you rather get up early or sleep in?
Sleep all day, seriously. I honestly don't remember the last time I slept in... I can't wait til October 14th... I swear I am not going to see the light of day for a good 48 hours and the only thing that's allowed to wake me up is Eric.

5. Tell me where you got each article of clothing you're wearing?
I'm wearing a grey Volcom hoodie that Casy abandoned at the tanning salon. I'm wearing dark blue jeans that Eric picked out for me at Macy's. I'm wearing pink boy cut underwear that Amanda bought at a concert and gave to me. I'm wearing a white bra that I bought from Macy's. I'm wear a red tank top from Express. I'm wearing black flip flops from Longs.

6. How old were you when you had your first kiss?
"Real kiss" kiss? I was 14, Freshman year in high school behind Salinas High... thinking back, I was mimicking him and he really sucked... how did we think we were doing that right?

7. What would you change about your life right now?
I would be married and at home with Eric, making pancakes because I really want pancakes right now... I really want Eric too but blueberry pancakes are a close second. So that's what I would change. Blueberry pancakes.

8. Would you rather smile over a lie or cry over the truth?
Truth always, but I don't cry too often so good luck.

9. What's on your bedroom floor right now?
Wedding stuff everywhere... center pieces, magazine pictures, fake grapes and roses, candles... it's like my reception exploded in my room.

10. Who was the last person you got into an argument with?
My mom of course... the only human that can still piss me off in less than a minute... she's a professional.

11. Do you trust people easily?
I'd say yeah.

12. If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move to?
I would kick out the family I housesit for in San Benancio and Eric and I would move in. I like that house, and I don't want to leave Monterey County cause it's awesome, and if you don't think so then you obviously don't have good taste in environment... you heard me.

14. Could you go a day without eating?
Totally... I barely eat as it is... it wouldn't be a difficult transition, I'd just drink more tea... which is basically my food.

16. How do you feel about PDA?
We are serious offenders... we have no control... ok... obviously we have some control but we typically can't keep off one another... but then I tend to not like it when other people are like that... I think I make the assumption they are faking it and don't really love each other which makes the whole thing gross to me.

17. When is the last time you had your hair cut?
Like 7 months ago... I know... its horrible, but Jen will trim mine up to blend into my extensions before the wedding :)

18. Would you rather be mad or sad?
Ew neither. I do happy and tired and that's it.

19. Does it take a lot to make you cry?
No and yes... all I have to do is think about how much I love Eric and I can get myself all choked up... or if I think about Eric or one of my brothers dying or something, omg and if there is a good song going at the same time... wow, then we transition into a whole other level of cry. But the angry/sad crying I used to do on almost a daily basis during my marriage and divorce... now extinct.

20. What's the worst car accident you've ever been in?
When I totalled my car on a tree. This was pretty bad.

21. Are you tight with your money?
Very. I'm smart with it, I put a serious value on things like going out to dinner and stuff like that, so I make sure to have money for that, but I don't buy a lot clothes or anything like that... biggest money saver, I stopped drinking.

22. How do you feel about liars?
They are very boring people.

23. Do you tell your parent everything?
Barely anything.

24. Would you rather be a bird or a fish?
Bird, fish are easy to trick.

25. Name one fear you have?Roombas. Seriously... don't fuck with me on this one.

26. If you need to go to the store a block away, do you walk or drive?
Walk.

27. Does the thought of marriage scare you?
Not even a little.

28. How many kids do you want?
I, like Bri, also want 4... Bri if you want my boys I'll trade you for your girls... I want girls.

29. What's your favorite color to wear?
Red, black... something... sometimes white... I don't know.

30. Who was the last person in your bedroom?
Eric...

31. What did you do yesterday?
Drove home from San Jose at 3am, woke up at 7am. Took care of dogs in Seaside. Went to work, went to Doctors on Duty, went to Walgreen's, got food, went to babysitting job, got to Seaside around midnight. No breaks, yesterday sucked.

32. Do you miss any of your exes?
No, not even a little.

33. Do any of them want you back?
Like I want AIDs. Mmm Chuck Norris.

34. What would you do if you found a dinosaur egg?
Be the mommy to a baby dinosaur.

35. Do you get bored easily?
No, there's always something to do... like a survey.

36. What's something someone can do that really bothers you?
People who read but don't answer my Myspace messages... about 6 of you are about to get deleted from my friends.

37. What's the current song you're listening to?
Lessons.

38. Do you wish you were famous?
No... I honestly don't understand that desire. I would like to be better known among other rabbit breeders though... people to respect what I do and stuff... that kind of recognition is cool.

39. What do you do to your eyebrows?
They are still in the process of being lazered into submission...

40. When you're at the beach, do you swim or lay out more?
Frolick.

41. Who's the last text message you received from?
Eric.

42. How do you like your steak cooked?
Same as Bri: Medium, with sunshine and daises.

43. What's your favorite song at the moment?
I'm gonna say Valentine by Smoking Popes because it makes me think of me and Eric's wedding day.

44. Can music affect your mood?
Yes...

45. What piercings do you want?
None, have all I want.

46. What tattoos do you want?
My other side and my whole upper back.

48. Have you ever been in a cave?
Yes, in at the Pinnacles... and some nice people gave us a flashlight because we forgot one.

49. Have you ever eaten a bug?
Not on purpose... but unfortunately yes... there were crickets in a pie I ate once... it was from Costco and the bakery apologized and admitted they were having a problem with crickets jumping into the batter.

50. Do you think there's someone for everyone?
Everyone who is supposed to be with someone and prepares themself... will have someone, but I think very few people are quality enough human beings to be worthy of sharing themself with someone... but they do anyway and unfortunately reproduce... I'm not against Jews but I certainly have some Hilter-esk qualities don't I?

And on that note...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying... I Wish.

If my business plan was my final paper, the cocktail party hosted by the East Garrison developers was to be my oral examination. Now I have 4 years of competitive public speaking experience, with nothing less than blue ribbon honors below state level; public speaking is not a fear, it's my medium, but that was almost 4 years ago & this isn't a sterile stage and a captive audience, these are business owners and CEOs that I can't bullshit. So I wouldn't say I was nervous, I would say I was ready to jump out of my skin terrified.

Regardless, I made every preparation. My business concept is so solid I feel I could pluck it from the air & hand it to someone, but I feared my youth would still work against me. Can I not pepper my speach with "like" for an entire evening? Can I be confidant & witty among men & women 15-40 years my senior? How do I even initiate a conversation with these people? I knew my "look" was going to be my best way in, because my grading will most certainly begin before I open my mouth... & if I want to sell beauty, I'll be my best advertisement.

Last night I was as shiny and polished as I possibly could be. Perfect skin, highest heals, a blue corduroy blazer that showed off just enough skin. I also made sure to polish up my ring to a blinding shine, and with my hot trophy husband by my side, I was ready to go... and vomit.

As we walked up I asked Eric to break my ankle so I didn't have to go in, to which he laughed, and dragged me to the front door. Entering the cocktail party was surreal. Ryan quickly greeted us, and suddenly we were cast out into the pool of mingling bodies. It was like the first day of junior high, when everyone seems to know each other and you are officially invisible. The men were all perfect, handsome, and laughing in small groups. The women were in their 30's and 40's, plain, and looked like they had just eaten something sour. We grabbed our drinks and I began to pray for salvation, which came soon. Ryan came back, leading me by the shoulders to "the man" behind the East Garrison development, saying "this is the woman I have been telling you about, the one with the incredible salon and spa concept!" His name was Keith and the conversation came easy and smooth. I quickly learned how to "not talk business" by bringing in your business concept into similarly related conversations. He admitted to have trying spray tans as he had a brush with skin cancer, so I was able to talk about how my salon revolutionizes how we see tanning through healthier "light therapy" solutions. Soon an impressive, very Ed McMahon-like man sidled up to the group, he listened to my concept and joined the conversation with enthusiasm, and like that we had a group! Eric and I were talking and laughing and I soon forgot my fears. Eric was great, he was witty and cool and totally as handsome and impressive as any man there, letting me shine but never being lost in the glow.

We soon met the owner of the Carmel Valley Coffee Roasting Co. coffee houses (an earthy, unfriendly woman), brushed elbows the owner or the Baja Cantina restaurants (yeah, there's more than one, didn't know that) though she was extremely unapproachable, and talked with the creator of R G Burgers, who was sooo funny, was impressed with my plan, and both Eric and I really made him laugh a lot, which was exciting.

My exam did come. Ryan pointed out Rob, and said I needed to make time to tell him my concept, he's one of the decision makers here. Fortunately I had loosened up, had this moment come right away, I would have puked on his shoes... but I had gotten some practice. I still didn't know how to initiate the conversation, but I didn't have to just then. As the night wore on Eric and I were busy in conversation with David (the Ed McMahon) and Marilyn, who "were" East Garrison, both the vision and funding. I knew I needed to impress them but didn't have to try, they were so enjoyable I forgot I was under scrutiny. David had dated Marilyn Monroe, had houses in LA, Carmel, and Maui, lived abroad for 30 years and loved talking of his life like grandfather does to his grand kids. Marilyn had vacationed with Chuck Norris, so that was a huge conversation point. We told them we wanted to name all our kids Chuck Norris, it was great.

I still kept in mind I needed to meet up with Rob, but found myself lost in conversation with David, pouring out my enthusiasm for my business concept and fire for the East Garrison project on him, which proved to be an excellent investment of my time.

Rob finally approached me, and after a quick introduction, put three questions to me: why, with the tanning industry on a decline because of health concerns, do I want to open one; why in East Garrison; and what, if any, is my experience in the industry. Staying as conversational as possible, I went through the spiel I had already given several times that night. Then, I heard from behind me, David telling Eric how impressed he was with me, and soon he interrupted. "Rob, I want them at the VIP event, sign them up, get this girl a contract... she has it, she shares our vision. Your questions are answered."

The cocktail party was a preliminary trial to see who they wanted in to "the next round" and we had passed. I wrapped up any additional questions Rob had, we discussed the importance of relationships in the community and with a "talk with Ryan, he'll get you set up, you still have a ways to go, but welcome..." Rob was gone. I was excited, and so proud of both Eric and myself, but I was still to get the biggest compliment of my life.

"I know it's not tactful to ask, but how old are you" David asked as I turned back to the group. I wasn't sure how he'd respond, but I admitted I was only 22. His look was of utterly impressed shock. It was wonderful. He said I carried and presented myself as a true professional and entrepreneur, adding "if I was to make a wager on you, I would win. Whether it's with us or elsewhere, you will be a success. Not enough young people have passion or direction, and you have both."

I'm not writing this to gloat, I just found this whole experience so encouraging! I'm following my dream. On the way home Eric and I were marveling in how if this last year hadn't happened, how much less we would be accomplishing. Eric never could be recording at the Blasting Room next month, which is his dream, and I don't have a doubt in my mind that had Dallas not left me, I would have never had the confidence to accomplish anything beyond the ordinary. It's so sad to think I would have settled for the safety of a teaching job and a mediocre husband, dying without ever knowing the meaning of true happiness. But I also know that our circumstances are mere open doors. I have an amazing man by my side and though his endless love and support mean the world to me, I know that in the end, how much I believe in myself will be the drive behind my ability to take the risks needed to know not just survival, but true success... and that will be the difference between the life and death of my dream.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Right This Moment

I am...

Drinking black tea... it is different from what I am used to, and I am not sure I really appreciate the foriegn taste and smell.

Working another long day... I hate double shifts but I need the money, especially if I'm to have the rest of this debt paid by the end of this month.

Praying for a call... one that will let Eric and I know if we got the condo on Stone Street. We need a home.

Twitching my leg... the way I do when I have had a steady flow of caffiene to my blood stream since sunrise.

Listening to Taylor Swift... hearting her to death. Remembering what it was like to have a savage crush on a man I thought I would never be cool or pretty enough for.

Planning for Bob... mentally organizing all of the places we are going to eat, starting with an In-N-Out beef fest and ending with us passed out in the gutter with funnel cake on our breath.

Admiring my ring... loving how it sparkles as I type, a beautiful reminder of a promise. Thinking of how Eric just noticed the patterns on the side mean eternity, and how sweet it was that he pointed it out.

Basking in the glow of an almost-accomplishment... my barn remodel will be done today and I am so proud of all my hard work, and that I did it all by myself.

Making image decisions... should I go get my nails done today and mystic tan so I have that extra polished look for the cocktail party? I'm unsure...

Searching for clever names... I have five new show bunnies that are in need of names, after thirteen years of naming show bunnies I'm starting to run dry.

Resisting an urge... I want to use one of my baby name choices just so I can say it out loud every day.

Wondering about a client... how she out of the blue started asking me questions about the Bible and God, how did she know I'd have the answers she couldn't get from her pastor? She doesn't know what I believe... weird.

Counting my blessings... today is just another beautiful day to appreciate the wonderful life I've been given.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Out of Panic Palace

So I don't want to come off crazier than I actually am. After my slight brain explosion the other day, I got my ass in gear and things are going good. It's stressful, but like the kind of stress you put on your body when you are working out, and it hurts, and you want to stop... but you know you won't get the results you want if you do stop.

I hope you aren't sick of hearing about this, but if you are... don't read :) because this is what I want to talk about. Today I submitted a small portion of the "concept" section of my business plan, just to check in. Here is a copy of my email :)

Well I have been quite busy with my research. I want my package to be as complete and polished as possible, I was wondering exactly what kind of time frame should I be working within. I do know my boss, John Giammanco, has been in contact with you and has shown interest in opening in East Garrison as well. Should I act on the presumption that the sooner I submit the better, in order to gain an edge? I think I have another solid week and a half of work.

Here is my other question. A large part of my concept comes from the idea that as society becomes more educated about the risks and damages of UV light, tanning is met with the same guilt as smoking and drinking. Although this is already the trend (I have some clients that live in fear of someone they know seeing them walk into the salon!), and is completely unnecessary as technology improves, I have yet to find a salon within Monterey County that is ready to let go of the technology that is "so five minutes ago," as much of my 20 something clientele would say. I was wondering if it is tactless to use concrete examples from our area in my report? I know the salons in the area very well, and I know that most of the clientele I am in contact with (which is a lot) is only choosing one salon over another based on mere convenience, and are in fact unhappy with the quality of what is offered in Monterey County. They are all very similar and lack innovation.

Here is a short passage from my "concept" area, I need to do another local salon "tour" as total bed numbers may be slightly off.

"As society becomes more health conscious that ever, people are increasingly more concerned about the damages UV light inflict on the skin. When I entered the industry, I was sure that as information on these risks became more readily available, commercial tanning would die out. Many clients walked into the salon with the same guilt as picking up a cigarette or pouring another glass of wine, knowing they would pay tomorrow for the pleasure of today. However, fear lingers in the unknown, and I have discovered that educating clients on the mechanics behind tanning and the importance of tanning slow and smart, lends to a dramatic shift in the climate of the salon.

Tanning technology is developing further with each passing day. Clients can tan for a shorter amount of time, less often, and still maintain that sun-kissed glow with minimum exposure. The technology is high UVA tanning. Many salons are catching on to this trend, but are reluctant to give up their older beds, despite the fact that they are far less efficient, more damaging, and less comfortable. Sun You Buns (Salinas, Ca) runs 13 beds, and offers 1 high UVA bed. Sahara Sun Tanning (Monterey and Salinas, Ca) runs 15 beds and offers only 1 UVA bed. Janika Tanning (Salinas, Ca) runs 12 beds and offers 2 high UVA beds.

I would love to report that today's salon is not the same salon it was 10 years ago, but despite vast improvements in tanning technology, it is."

I then go on to explain what I intend to offer, and the difference between a "conveyor belt" salon and a modern salon. I've completed a chart of what local salons offer versus what is available and I will offer. Now I was a humanities, not a business major, so I can write a compelling piece, but am not sure if it has the professional business edge. From what you see, if I can offer this kind of information in this manner, plus a financial plan, will I be on the right track? Shall I bore you with details on tanning tech or just represent that the concepts ARE there.

Thank you for your time and I hope you are enjoying this sunshine we have been having! It's been such a gloomy summer!

Cori Lynn


That was fairly scary because I was finally showing my cards a little more, you know? So I sent that like 6:30am today, and after I got back from aerobics this is what waited in my inbox.

Hey Cori,

Thanks for your email. Your are on the right track for sure! First of all, in terms of time frame, I would shoot for having something ready by mid-September. I think that your analysis of your competition is great and should be included in your plan. I also think that your "understanding" of your customer (fears, safety concerns, choices of product..) is a meaningful element of your plan as it demonstrates your experience and knowledge not only of the industry but also of your customer base. Any sketches, designs, ideas, facts can only help your plan be complete which will demonstrate your entrepreneurship and skill set.

Keep it up, let me know if you need any further information from me....By the way, I have never spoken to or heard from a John Giammanco...maybe it's another development?

Have a wonderful weekend!

Ryan Bloom


Yay! But don't get why Gina said they had spoken... hmmm...

Monday, September 3, 2007

The Bribe

Eric will be so moved by me doing an awesome survey about him that he will immediately get off the computer and bring me a chicken bacon ranch from Subway.

He is: at his apartment... on myspace... not bringing me food yet.

He likes: it when I feed him, give him kisses, and cry... for som sick and twisted reason... he likes making me cry.

He loves: his roomba... fucking roomba... thank god he CAN'T fuck it otherwise I'd be totally obsolite. Oh wait... I do the dishes and it can't reach... haha take that robo-bitch!

He hates: it when I put my finger in his ear.

He wears: cool stuff. Nothing that says "rape me, I'm a gay man." So basically not preppy or emo.

He eats: what I cook him.

He drinks: beer almost every night, and doesn't gain weight... not fair.

He drives: a cute red mustang and I'm excited to be getting joint custody of.

He works: but doesn't like to.

He runs: if he is on fire and for no other reason.

He thinks: it is funny that I am terrified by anything that moves that shouldn't... like toys, Halloween decorations, and his roomba. I started crying in Michaels because of a talking Halloween head... no joke.

He owns: my heart, my body, my entire future.


Ok that's all... bring me food... and kisses... now.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Me I Want to See

I know lots of people lose weight and see their bodies transform. I did a little... for over a year I would drag myself out of bed and work out before work... just me, Whitney and some jump ropes that we would become very intimate with. But it was not like this. We pushed ourselves, but I admit I'm not as hard on me as I could be. If it hurts... I will stop.

Taking the sculpt, cardio, step, core and kickboxing classes (yes, all those every week!) has pushed me far passed the highest fitness level I thought I was capable of. Yes I'm usually the heaviest girl there, but I push my body maybe harder than any other woman in the room, until I'm literally standing in a pool of sweat and exhaustion. Every workout feels like the hardest of my life. Every day I'm sore and tired and just a little more disappointed in my body.

I've watched the numbers on the scale move down over the passed months but that's not the same as seeing your body change... seeing it do something it has never done. At my thinest, when I was seventeen, I weighed exactly 20 pounds less than I do today, but I was just a smaller version of my squishy self. I don't just want a lower number, I want to see muscles where there was fat. I want to be able to feel my skin tight against muscle, not squish. I want to look as strong as I know I am. I know... who doesn't want that... but I've never had that! It's not like I ate myself this way, I was like this when I was 8, when I was 12, when I was 18. I've never had an even remotely toned waist, arms, or back. I would love to know what that's like. If you were born skinny... appreciate it, because I would love to trade my 10 hours a week working out for sleep or time with Eric. But I can't. and it never feels wholy worth it because even though I bust my ass harder than every perfectly toned body in the room, I still have to slip into size 10 jeans in the locker room. Well tonight, I finally got something. Something for my hours and my sweat and my continual abstinance from all bread, alcohol, Starbucks, alcohol, cereal, alcohol and not sleeping in on my days off and going to the gym instead. Finally, a change.

Tonight I was putting lotion on my back, looking in the mirror, and as I reached up my back muscles tightened and there was definition where there once was unexplainable fat, and I looked strong. I was mesmerised. I never look strong... no one ever would believe that I can run 4 or 5 miles or do the advanced fitness classes or kickbox with excellent form and speed. I look like I sit on the couch and eat. Well tonight I looked like my body was capable of something greater, I finally looked as strong as I feel... it was a first. I always feel like the real me is hiding in a fat suit. Tonight, I was finally getting to see a little of the me I've known, or hoped, was there. Suddenly, the sacrifices were all worth it.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

A. L. O. H. A.

So on Monday I had my meeting with the TLC manager (does anyone have any idea what that stands for?) from the East Garrison town development. I'm going to be honest, it was as scary, scarier than I expected. I got lost so I was ten minutes late, so I started off on the wrong foot right from the beginning. I looked great, was confidant, not pushy, but also clearly ignorant to the way in which the big bad world of business worked.

Ryan Bloom immediately asked me if I had developed a business plan. I said I was working on one (I don't know what that is). He asked what kind of experience I had in operating a small business. I said this would be my first business, other than the small record company my fiance and I run (damn... can we talk about how much I know about tanning?). He asked me about how much I was planning to pay in rent, utilities, etc. I said I didn't have all those numbers figured just yet (can I leave and try this again???).

Bloom talked fast, moved fast, & demanded the same from me. I had far fewer answers than I expected to have. He looked at me, told me not to be nervous, and drew out a blank piece of paper. He drew where the development would be, showing the locations of Salinas, Monterey, and Marina and how when they are connected they make a triangle around East Garrison. Two more circles within the triangle became the two large housing developments going in and a square became CSUMB. This will be my market. This is the community I must prove to him that I am absolutely essential to. There will only be 32 vendors, and each one will be hand picked, the best of the best. He told me that If you go to a town in Italy, there will be a butcher shop there for 400 years... because it fits, it's essential. I have to prove to be that. And the question was put to me, am I?

I am, know I am. I know that what i have to offer is fresh, hott, nothing like you'll find in any other local salon. I had this part prepared, the pitch for the concept behind my business. What sets me apart from Sun Your Buns, Sahara Sun, Hollywood Tan, or Janika? It was good, and he was impressed with my fire.

He said that he had to be honest, most people pitching their ideas to him had more experience, and were older... but my ideas are good. He asked me to submit my plan to him in the next couple weeks. I've since learned what a business plan is, and I hope to floor him with mine. it's made up of four components:

Person:
Who am I
What are my ties to the community

Concept:
My idea
What makes it different
What are the strengths and challenges
How will I appeal to locals, students, visitors, tourist
Designs and/or what makes my system better than others
Why should this be the only concept of its type in their whole village

Experience:
My education
Work experience in the industry
What you know about trends, new concepts, health, safety...

Financial:
How will you finance the project, bank loans, financial model or simple projections of costs and expenses

Yeah... it feels a lot like homework! But this will be the most important grade I ever get! Oh but that's not all, there will be an oral exam on September 17th! He's asked me to come to a cocktail party if I am in fact serious about this venture! OMG... sooo scary! Other business owners, adults who know this shit! Oh how I wish this was Eric's deal and I could be the cute bird on his arm... but it's not, this will be all me having to be a confidant budding business woman!

So... how have I started on my plan? I'm working on an acronym for Aloha... wanna help? It's supposed to be a good way to submit your business' motto... I'm thinking "A" is for "Anyone know what the fuck I'm doing, because I don't"



Originally posted at http://www.myspace.com/pinkink14/blog/298320904#ixzz13IcQUmYe

Friday, August 10, 2007

What Cori and Jen Learned Last Night

Asian men love Cori.

Creepy men named Jeffery will literally chase Jen no matter how much we blatenly ignore, run, or hide!

There is almost nowhere to eat within stumbling distance of alvarado at 1am on a Thursday.

In addition to Asian men, lesbians also love Cori.

Tokyo Tea seriously affect's one's ability to talk... or text... or function.

Cats are not allowd in Denny's. Even if you try 3 times with the cat under your shirt... the staff is clever.

Doc's always sucks... and never deserves a second chance!

There are A LOT of fat ugly chicks in Monterey.

There are A LOT of creepy short guys in Monterey.

We really hope these groups don't interbreed.

Toilet seat covers make awesome post-dancing face blotters.

If you are dancing WHILE drinking all calories are cancelled out. It's a law of science. Like gravity.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Cori the Grown-up

So for me, today is one of those defining days, one of those days that makes you feel keenly aware of the responsibilities attatched with being a grown-up, one of those days where the full weight of the important decisions in life makes itself known, one of those days that is both exciting anf terrifying all at once.

As most of you know, Eric and I are taking the first baby steps towards opening a tanning salon. I've been mentally playing around with just the fun stuff, what kind of beds will I have, what kind of services will be offered, what will I call it. Well today I have to do something real, something concrete. Today I'm meeting with Ryan Bloom, the project supervisor for the East Garrison town center that is being put in Fort Ord. This is where we are hoping to open. If any of you have seen the drawings for what is planned to go in, you know it's gonna be a hot shit location for new businesses. Tons of housing developments are going up, there will be an amphitheater (in addition to attacting bigger acts, they are hoping it will be a venue for local bands too! fuck yeah!), restaurants, a shuttle that goes to and from csumb... can you say target demographic!

I am totally excited about today, but pretty much scared shitless too. I drew up a rough floor plan, figured out what kind of square footage I will need, etc... and it looks good, but at the same I have a nagging lack of self confidence that comes with doing something you've absolutely never done. not to mention, I am only twenty two, so there is that little fear of not being taken seriously, or saying something stupid out of ignorance.

I've done my homework, I really have, and I plan to try to be as confidant as I can, while staying totally humble and open to learn. so with my plans in my trembling little hand, I'm off to go see the wizard... to ask for a chance.

Below are some pictures of what the East Garrison town center, including the arts district, residential plan, and commercial area, should look like, as well as the floor plan I've put together for Aloha Hawai'i Tanning Salon (also liking Aloha Gold Tanning Salon... I dont know, that's not sooo important right now).





Monday, July 30, 2007

My Guilty Pleasure

My guilty pleasure is not Britney Spears or chocolate cake. It's not singing to the Spice Girls or two hour showers. My guilty pleasure is a little more cruel and a little more fun. My guilty pleasure is pretending to not remember people that I clearly do remember.

Eric and I spent a ridiculously long time grocery shopping yesterday. We went to the new "save mart," which should be called "insanely expensive cow blood everywhere mart." We filled our cart with over priced products, and as I grabbed a package of ground beef, I got discusting animal blood on me. We left, our full cart abandoned, screaming and running for the safety of Nob Hill.

At Nob Hill I always see lots of people I know from high school, Hartnell, or churches U attented. I never acknowledge them. I see their head turn as I walk passed and sometimes I even make eye-contact, but never show a glimmer of recognition. I don't know why but it gives me a sense of superiority. I have even taken it as far as when someone approaches me, I go through the where do I know you from guessing game, even when I know full well it was First Baptist or English lit.

Yesterday at Nob Hill I remained safely in Cori and Eric land, bickering over tortillia choices and fawning over the alcohol isle, seeing but not acknowledging one ex-church friend, four Salinas High classmates, and one San Benancio class mate. It was a very guilty and pleasurable shopping experience (even if I didn't get the alcohol I wanted). I don't understand me, but altleast I give me something to think about.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The One Thing You Do Alone

I had another one of those dreams. The kind that's impossible to fall asleep after. It's 4:30am, and I've only slept two hours before waking to a pounding heart, cold sweat, and an overwhelming desire to see Eric.

The dream hits the ground running, moving at a fast pace through scenes and images of people I know, but not well, at a party in a very large house. It's hot and humid, but I'm in the pool so it's not so bad. The water is not heated and the cold water on my sweaty skin is a welcome contrast. A group of grossly obese girls with fat white boobs spilling out of their bikini's get in the pool. Eric and I wrinkle our noses in disgust and get out, going into the house.

The house feels like a giant parlor you would find in an old plantation, or a scene out of a Sherlock Holmes mystery. There are old people there talking in hushed voices, gancing over their shoulders with panicked eyes. We know the old man standing at the desk is going to die soon. We walk through, trying to convey a respectful air, but we are waved over to a very old woman who also does not look long for this world.

She says the time we've been waiting for is here, it came sooner than we expected but to know we've done well. She said everything that is good in the world is going to die and that is going to mean us. She offers to let us see our deaths so we can know when it's about to happen and be able to properly say goodbye when the moment comes.

We agree, but can't actually see it with our eyes. It's just a knowledge she imparts on us. We know we are suffocating, the air is very cold, and Eric will be ripped from me before I'm gone and we will each die alone.

We come out of her mind and move on to the bedroom, where we were originally headed. The bed is very soft, with a puffy floral comforter and lacy pillows. We lay in the middle of it, our heads at the foot, turned to eachother, thinking of what we "saw." It's a very still, painful moment... the memory of which is probably why I can't go back to sleep.

We go outside and we know then end is beginning. People are running and although the idea may seem comical, there are giant spiders attacking. These are not the good dying, just the average, normal person who never bothered to be better. It's horrifying, there's the sickening crunch of human bones, tear of skin and organs, and agonizing screams all around us. We don't run, but walk from the building calmly. There are a series of tasks we have to complete, none of which I can remember, perhaps that idea is in my head because I just read Harry Potter, but either way, we complete them.

The spiders are still everywhere, and the smell of open bodies in the sun is inescapable. We are moving fast back to the house when a huge blue-grey leg whips us into the air. The force is incredible, we are so high we know we must be getting to a point where the atmosphere is so thin we won't be able to breath.

We have a shockingly long moment there in the sky. There is a horrible, tearful goodbye, one I'd gladly like to push from my mind right now but can't. Finally I'm getting dizzy, and very cold, I'm not ready but know there's no choice in the matter. As Earth becomes completely invisible beneath us we hit a level of intense winds, and we are blown in separate directions. I watch him disappear, glad I'm on the brink of death, because this is not a moment I care to live beyond.

I suppose the idea is that you can share everything with someone, but there is one thing you really do have to do alone.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Worst Case Scenario, My Parents Find the Pictures

What's the worst thing you've ever done? Ever indulge in something a little taboo? Maybe a little girl on girl action? Play with serious drugs? Take part in a threesome, or sex in a very public place? Most everyone has something they've tried, looking over their shoulder, partially fearing being caught & partially getting off on that fear. Maybe your taboo is far tamer than these, but you have something. When weighing the should I/shouldn't I's, you have to factor in the worst case scenario. If it's something you are willing to deal with, you plow forward.

My taboo experience: Modeling (kinda) nude.

My worst case scenario: Eric's very Christian, 73 year old parents find the pictures.

About 7 months ago (before Eric & I were together) I decided my greatest ambition was to be a Suicide Girl. I knew I was pretty enough, & didn't have a problem showing some skin in front of the camera, so I went for it. A relative that was an amateur photographer took the pictures & it was a lot of fun. I didn't show too much, only enough to apply to be an SG. I was proud of myself for having the guts to do it, I was happy with how my body looked, & I think that was all I wanted to prove to myself. I tucked the pictures deep into my hard drive, showing only a couple to Eric, & warning him to not go looking for the rest. Of course he tried anyway.

Later I decided I had no need for the photos, so I was going to delete them. Eric argued against it, I'm sure hoping I would give him access to the file. Although the pictures really don't actually show much more than what a very small bikini may reveal, he's excited by whatever he can get from his future wife--think a little boy trying to carefully open corners of his christmas presents. I playfully responded with a "What if someone saw them though?" thinking of a close call when Eric's dad plugged in my memory stick on which the photos had resided until only the day before. Eric laughed, "Yeah worst case scenario, my parents find the pictures." This being highly unlikely as Eric couldn't even find them, I rested easy.

Well it turns out, when it comes to computers, Eric's dad, Leonard, is a ninja. I left my laptop at Eric's house & Leonard decided to explore, Eric's mother commenting on what a doll I was as a child. Then somehow, with wife & son looking on, Leonard located my hidden file. Here begins the most awkward minute of Eric's life. His mother, who was looking from above so the photos were actually upside down, sweetly asked "What exactly am I looking at, I can't tell." Leonard replied, "Perhaps that's best," but doesn't close it! He scrolls all the way down!

I'm officially mortified, but amused by the irony. The pictures are now deleted. I can never face my future in-laws again. Operation "Worst Case Scenario" is complete.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Success Has to Start Someday

The depths of my inner psyche can be a dangerous and frightenting place. I have the ability to be both highly manipulative and clever, as well as embarrassingly gullible. However, these traits rarely see the light of day, but instead are turned against one another in an epic battle raging within the confines of my mind. The conflict over which they war: my workouts.

Today as I was out for my run I was thinking. Normally I'm only thinking about how much I don't want to be running, but today I was thinking about how cleverly I usually get out of having to run the full 3-4 mile course. Food isn't my problem, I don't find myself longing for a burger and fries, but I will pull out all the stops on trying to find a way out of pushing my body beyond a comfortable workout.

I tell myself that power walking is just as good and I should be satisfied as long as I'm sweating, forcing myself to forget that I'd sweat just standing in the Toro Park 80 degree weather at one in the afternoon (when I often run). Then I believe me, letting me manipulate and bully me into failing at my own goal.

I tell myself that I'll do the cross-trainer when I get home, as to make up for cutting off that last mile and turning around early, because I can't up the resistance on the dirt path I'm on and therefore I'd spend my time more wisely on a machine. But then I go home and shower and "forget" about my deal.

I tell myself that pushing myself any harder might be dangerous. That I may pass out on the trail and no one will find me and I will get eaten by lions, so I slow to a more comfortable pace, convincing myself that the warmth of the sunshine on my legs is actually my muscles working hard and the fat burning away.

I'm smarter than all this. I know if you want your body to really change you have to push it far beyond what you think is reasonable. I have eleven weeks to fit into a dress I refuse to have taken out. Eleven weeks to lose about fifteen pounds. I'm on my crackshakes, but I'm doing something I really haven't done before. I'm pushing my body to the extreme. All this week as my muscles have screamed at me for mercy, I've screamed back at them to roll over and take it like the little bitches they are, and you know what... they submit. When I want to drop to a lower weight or a lower step in my classes, I don't... I'll vomit or pass out first. If I think one hour of workout will suffice, I force myself to remember I've already been doing that and have remained consistently squishy, so two hours is my minimum. If I want to turn back on my run early, I force myself to realize how much failure will disappoint me, and if I don't run the full course today, whats to say I'll complete it tomorrow. Success has to start someday.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Fat

Whatever you do, if you are afraid to admit you are doing it, you shouldn't be doing it. I live by this idea & it really works for me, I live sans shame or fear of being "found out," but not everyone subscribes to this way of life.

There's this weight-loss trend going around. Many women in the area are paying a doctor in Monterey $97-$148 a week in order to be given legalized speed & vitamin B12 shots in order to lose weight. It's working, tons of women I know are dropping dress sizes with lightning speed (no pun intended), but the funny thing is, no one seems to want to confess they are all seeing this doctor. They all say it's "diet and exercise," when that's not true. Today a woman I know on this weight-loss system came into the salon & with a straight face said it was only diet & exercise that was credited to her losing almost 150 pounds! Another customer & I started talking about the B12 shots in front of her & only then did the new member of the skinny club sheepishly admit she had been on the B and speed (a term I've applied to the system). I responded with "Oh, so it wasn't just diet & exercise," my irritation very thinly veiled.

I'm very familiar with the B and speed system. My mom's friend lost a bunch of weight on it, crediting only "the zone" diet. When my mom cracked down to do it, expecting the same results, her friend felt guilty for misleading her, confessing she was taking these drugs. I honestly don't think there's anything wrong with going to a doctor & getting this help, but it is not fair to act as if you are getting these results by other means.

I've never been skinny. Never... nor will I ever unless I get cancer or lipo or the B & speed. Thanks polycystic ovarian syndrom, love ya! I eat healthy, I exercise, & as Hogeboom said just this morning, when it comes to running or kickboxing "I can kick most of those skinny bitches asses." I admit I consciously gained some weight after my divorce from not working out as much, drinking more, & eating out. I gained almost twenty pounds, but in about a month I've already lost half of that through diet, exercise... & pills.

Pills, yes, was that so hard to say? I workout & eat very healthy, a diet composed of egg, chicken, veggies & fruit which basically adds up to 1300 cal a day. However, if you can take a pill that will help you lose faster, why not take it? So I've been losing at a rate that's about 25% faster that what I would with diet & exercise alone, & I'm ok with accepting that extra help from medical science. If someone asks me (& they do!) what I've been doing to lose weight I tell them: diet, exercise, & I'm taking these diet pills.

I clearly offended the woman today & I did apologized afterwards, telling her that I did not mean to come off judgmental, & no matter what she does to lose the weight, her effort to have a healthier lifestyle is certainly commendable, which I mean. However, & I did not share this, it bothers me when people act like all you need is diet & exercise to be skinny--not just a healthy weight for your height, but red carpet skinny. That's not always true; sometimes to fight genetics, a slow metabolism, a hormonal imballance or just poor willpower, you need extra help, & I don't think you should be ashamed to admit that.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Boyfriend Survey

So I need cheering up after finding out I was rejected from the donor program... Actually I'm not that sad... I'm fishing for an excuse to do a survey... and I know Eric will love reading an entire survey gushing about my love for him... sooo...

The Boyfriend Survey

His age?
Twenty nine.

How many months are you apart?
Eighty one. Wow that's a lot.

Eye color?
Dark brown... and a little yellow... but it only freaks me out a little bit.

Hair color?
Even darker brown. And a little white... white hott.

Hair style?
Short, neat, clean. yeah I'm a sucker for a mohawk or emo cut... but his hair is masculine and nothing is sexier than a man that looks and acts like a man... not a quality you find in emo boys...

Typical outfit?
Levi's skinny jeans, 11's I think that's the style... which are totally sexy on him! His black chucks with black, not white shoe laces... a black band t-shirt... sometimes red or green... my favorite is green.

What physical features attracted you to him first?
Honestly none. He was never someone I saw as super hott or anything, he was my friend's quiet husband and my thoughts of him ended there. After we were single and friends... what first attracted me to him was his sense of humor, strength of character and how he dealt hard times, his logic and entire way of thinking. I respected him so much and I'd find after going on a date with someone else I'd be wishing I could meet someone as smart as him. So... that's what attracted me to him... who he is.. but if pressed to pick a physical feature, his expressions crack me up, a raised eyebrow drives me crazy... I see everything I want to know about how much he loves me in his eyes. Sooo... eyes. But tummy is a close second, it's perfect :)

How long did you know each other before you got together?
Ok, this is complicated so stay with me. The first time I went to First Baptist Church was the last time he attended. This was six and a half years ago. I heard a lot about him for the next four years, our paths crossed at weddings and such. We somehow started hanging out, as couples, he and his wife and me and my husband, about two years ago. He couldn't stand me, which I understand, I was a prized grade A bitch. I'd win at the fair. His wife left and my husband left and we began seeing eachother at shows and such, not on purpose. He broke his leg at a party we went to and needed someone to help out around the apartent for the next, oooh four months... and I was available... and we became great friends... and now six months after that he's proven to be the man I've always wanted but didn't believe existed... who knew?

How serious is it?
Not at all... we are laughing and joking around all the time... actually we can have a very serious talks, I'd trust him with my biggest problem... although problems are hard to come by these day... overall we are the happiest kids you'll ever meet.. aaaand I know that's not what you mean... so yeah it's very serious, we're getting married in seven months.

Do your parents like him?
More like adore...

Do you trust him?
With my life... my entire heart.. and I don't know what could be more precious.

Would you share a toothbrush with him?
Sure... that would prolly gross him out though... he is very clean.

Does he let you wear his pants?
I don't think they'd fit... his legs are like as long as my whole body.

Do you have a shirt of his that you sleep with?
I could if I wanted to... but I don't sleep in shirts...

Do you like the way he smells?
OMG I love it! I like the way just he smells, but he wears the best cologne ever and it drives me up the wall crazy for him... it's called "Jake," but they should just call it "I want to tear your clothes off."

Can you picture having kids with him?
Um I'm trying to not picture making kids with him to preserve my sanity over the next 219 days... sigh... but yeah we plan to have some kiddies at some point... don't worry, it'll be years down the road...

What bothers you the most about him?
God seriously... I don't know... we don't bother eachother at all, we don't fight, we love only. Ok you are totally unsatisfied with that... I feel it... ok ummm, the only thing I can think of that can bother me--oh I love his laugh by the way, I'm listening to him on the radio right now and his laugh makes me laugh--oh sorry, something that bothers me... uuuhhh I hate it when people push on my wrists or the inside of my arms and he forgets sometimes... but I forgive him because I'm so excited he's touching me... so yeah... is that ok?

Does he have a temper?
No! He's definitely not a push over, if something needs to be said he'll say it, but overall he's very laid back, which I love. If people are being dicks... then ditch 'em no reason to make a scene... I totally get his philosphy and you should subscribe as well.

Are you happy to be with him?
Yes... OMG I didn't know this happiness existed!!! Yes I'm so happy.

Do you think you could do better?
This man was made perfectly to fit me in every way possible, there is no one better for me than Eric. Oh how can I know that right? I'm so young... I haven't fucked nearly enough strangers... well I'll tell you friends... I know because I had this image of the perfect man, and every other man fell desperately short so I stopped looking thinking I was being unreasonable. Well that was not the case, my perfect man was out there for me all along... he fulfills my every desire leaving me wanted for nothing but more of him! So, the answer is no.

Does he embarrass you in public?
No and let me tell you, that's so refreshing!!! He's so funny and cool, I'm proud to be with him!

Does he smoke or do drugs?
No... the only reason people smoke is because they want to look cool. want to find an insecure soul that doesn't love or appreciate themself... follow the smoke... and people do drugs (yeah weed too) because they are unhappy with their reality so they need to create a false one... eric is both cool and happy, so need neither.

Does he drink?
Yes but never in excess.

Does he have any piercings?
No, he used to have his eyebrow done and I thought that was super hott but he took it out... well technically I took it out for him... I wish I hadn't... sigh...

Does he have any scars that you know of?
Yes, a few... his wrist and hand... then there's his eyebrow where the ring was...

Is he a party dude or stay at home?
Um, I'd say party. He's super cool with chilling at home but I feel like I'm usually the one that is too tired to go out and he wants to go hit a friend's party or a show. I need my crackshakes to keep up with him...

Is he outgoing or shy?
Neither I guess... he's not the center of attention but he's no wallflower either... personally I think he's the perfect level of social and cool.

Does he love his mom?
And his dad... his parents rock.

Would he hang out with you and your friends?
We have all the same friends actually... we made them at like the same time too... it's cool.

Would he hang out with you and his friends?
Yeah same answer...

Does he sing?
In the shower... oh and in a band. Actually... he's singing Mind Control by the Lillingtons live on the radio right now... yeah his voice is so hott... I think he does Kody Lillington better than Kody Lillington...

Call other girls?
Not really... he doesn't really have female friends like that... there's no need...

Wear boxers/briefs?
Boxers...

Wow that's it... ok... well I'm gonna go to sleep now... I just got to hear Eric sing "Without You" over the radio, dedicated to me, and so my night is complete... my life's truely a dream come true...

Friday, July 6, 2007

Painless

I woke in a cold sweat to the pounding of my heart. I tried to focus on the numbers on the clock, but I was still dizzy from the fall, my final prayer echoing in my head.

My dream begins with me as a student in a new society. Earth is in the process of being rebuilt in the likeness of ancient greece. Beautiful green vines blanket the rubble on which magnificent greek styled buildings are being erected. The school I'm attending is nestled in the side of a massive canyon. It's gorgeous, twice the depth of the grand canyon, & filled with pearly blue water. This isn't a dream where I know it's a dream, this is my new life. Eric & I have a place at the top of the canyon, not nestled in the side like most of the people, & not far down the way, lives Chris Horsley and his new cowgirl wife, & farther down Dallas has his place with the girl he's married. We all attend the new world meetings that are mandatory. Men who work a lot, like Chris & Eric are exempt.

I'm at a meeting sitting with Dallas' wife, who is very young, probably 16, really cute, very thin with lots of freckles... super smart, thinks Dal's an idiot, but loves his simplicity. We are great friends & we joke about all the dumb stuff he does, his latest was unexplainably exploding their only milking cow (we all have livestock, it's a very utopian, clean, live off the land society) so we make plans for her to use mine. The teacher is discussing the new weather patterns, but she has it wrong, I know because I have been doing extra research on the new world with eric. She politely let's me take the floor & I finish the lecture.

We dismiss & I decide to circle around to the other end of the canyon for the afternoon. There is heavy construction on that end, where Eric is, & I'm going to meet him there, then walk home with him. I get to the other end & my husband is nowhere to be found so I start talking to another worker about his Jeep. It is hooked to a trailer & both are tannish yellow, sprayed with that rhino finish & have transformers stuff all over it, you can barely tell the Jeep is a Jeep until you get in. He offers me a ride so I say sure.

He unhooks from the trailer, which currently blocks the road. We just go in small circles along the side of the trailer, to the edge of the canyon, & back again. It's fun, but scary as the wheels tip on the edge of the canyon. Our fourth time around the car's wheel slips over the edge, & all other sound & movement stop. I know this is it for me as the Jeep is air born.

I know fear or panic would be a sin right off, & although I'm fighting back the sadness over having such a short time with Eric, I clear my head enough to thank God for a beautiful life & ask forgiveness on a few remaining sins. I just barely have time to think of a way I can communicate to the world that I died peacefully & in full acceptance of my fate, so I gouge a "P", "A" & an "I" into my arm with my finger nail, the beginning of "painless" as the water quickly approaches.

Then I wake.

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

1 survey, 500 questions, 9 hours of my life gone...

So I put this 500 question survey together because my tanning salon job is insanely boring...


1. what's your name?
legally, cori lynn vevoda cornell. i could go through all the crap of changing it back but i'll just wait til i get married again. it's just a name...

2. how tall are you?
five-five but sometimes i get it in my head i'm more like five-ten. it's really all in your head. daddy told me i could be anything i wanted to be if i put my mind to it... i chose five-ten.

3. what color are your eyes?
blue, which is the superior color. it beats down all the other colors, wearing write robes and burning crayon crosses on lawns... it's true... i saw it on the discovery channel.

4. what color is your hair?
right now, dark brown, but come december, expect long, black and red wavy locks... if i can will my hair to grow that fast...

5. are you male or female?
i'm a lady bird.

6. when did you first start feeling old?
wow i thought we'd have more small talk... um, when i decided to quit school and open my own tanning and skin care salon. it was the first time i did completely what i wanted to do and not what people expected me to do... also sitting down with eric and working on record label stuff and making decisions makes me feel very grown up because there's so much money involved and it could totally go well or totally fail and it's in our hands. basically when you hold your financial future in your hands... i think that is when it hits you... i'm sure buying our own house will feel that same way... i think it's a progressive thing.

7. what's your shoe size?
that's better... seven (i'm tiny, go me!), seven and a half on a bad day.

8. glasses, yes or no?
contacts: yes. glasses get you punched in the face... try it.

9. did you ever have braces?
neva!!!

10. on a typical day you are wearing?
jeans and a sweat shirt or mini skirt and boots... i have no in between casual... i have a slob setting and a stripper setting... nothing else.

11. when you go to bed you're wearing?
either all my clothes or none... or i start with all and through out the night shed them... which is actually almost always the case. i do strip teases in my sleep apparently... someday i hope to wake up in a pile of dollar bills.

12. work out/exercise about how often?
three to five days a week. it's mandatory for my body, i get squishy easily :)

13. when's the last time you ran?
not counting at the airport when we almost missed our flight... three weeks ago. i'm taking these pills that make fat like a foreign substance that my body rejects and so i stopped working out so i could see if i was losing weight from the pills or working out... yeah... the pills kick ass, ½ a pound a day by doing nothing... workouts resume monday.

14. do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
no. eric picks out my pants because he is a better study of my body than i am so i just leave wardrobe decisions to him and he doesn't do the ripped look. wow that makes him sound like a controlling asshole, but seriously, he's so much better at dressing me than me. i'm the barbie he never had.

15. what are you dreading right now?
uh, I really don't dread anything. i would say school but since i am now an official college drop out everything's gravy baby.

16. what did you have for dinner last night?
jeni cooked me and eric and christian a five course gourmet meal with china and candle light... i think she's just trying to seduce eric though... her hand on his knee wasn't such a big deal... but when she locked me in the upstairs bathroom and started calling me cinderella i got concerned.

17. when is the last time you saw the person you like?
this morning when he was going home... such sadness.

18. last vacation you went on?
funny you should mention that... because vegas pictures are up and ready to be commented on... five days of drunkenness and debauchery... actually... there was very little of either... drinking only happened when drinks were free.

19. what was the last thing you drank?
ooo a delish drink i invented last night!!! kailua and coconut sobe!!! best drink ever!!!

20. do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
i really try to not be out of bed before noon... i shoot for ten hours. it "must be nice" yes, yes it is...

21. last person you kissed?
that would be eric, i know... lucky lucky girl...

22. last time you had sex?
sex? what's that? i think i've heard of it before... but it's been so long... is that like a drink or something? oh well, i'll probably just have to pull out an encyclopedia out on my wedding night, or marry a great instructor ; )

23. your feelings on premarital sex?
a foolish waste of time.

24. your feelings on abortion?
i'm ok with it... it's not for me because i could never imagine wanting to end a pregnancy because i think it's a kick ass responsibility... but if you made a bad decision i rather you get rid of the little bugger because i would hope those out there making good decisions will out breed those making the bad... but that's just a hope... so go abortion.

25. think of all your exes. would you take any of them back?
hahahaha no. i have the perfect man thank you very much. i'd die alone before settling for anything less... and any of my exes would be a lot less.

26. have you ever been on your school's track team?
yep, i ran the 200, 440 and the mile.

27. do you own a pair of converse?
fake camo ones.

28. did you copy and paste this survey?
i cut and pasted a bunch of surveys.

29. who last grabbed your butt?
eric, i know he's such a bad boy.

30. have you ever kicked a vending machine?
no... gay.

31. don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing a slow one right after it?
i ipod it up bitch.

32. do you watch trading spaces?
no... gay again.

33. do you still have pictures of you and an ex?
boxed up and locked away, yes. throwing pictures away is kinda a bad decision... but i don't want to look at them because it reminds me of how many of his smile were lies.

34. have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
yes, when dallas and i were dating i would sleep logged onto aim and the sound of him logging on used to be able to wake me up...

35. are you cocky?
no.

36. are you a bitch?
no, not any more.

37. do you cuss often?
yeah i do. they are just words :) and there's never anger attached, cause those files have viruses.

38. when was the last time you cried?
at my cousin's funeral in may.

39. do you use lyrics to express how you feel?
more often than not.

40. are you ashamed of your past?
nope, it's made me who i am now and everything happens for a reason for realsies... even if it doesn't make sense at the time.

41. could you live without a computer?
yes but i prefer life with a computer.

42. do you wear your shoes in the house?
no, i tend to be anti shoe whenever i can be.

43. who's always there for you unconditionally?

my family loves me and is there for me but no one knows and loves me like eric does, but that's how it's supposed to be. he really is my best friend in the whole wide world... yeah even better than my cat (please don't tell my cat).

44. at what age did you find out that santa wasn't real?
honestly, i never really believed... for as long as i can remember i was trying to catch my parents in that lie, i made my mom miserable because of it. oh and the day i could prove he wasn't real... oh what a glorious day that was.

45. how many phones--house phones and cell phones--are in your house?
1 house phone, 6 cell phones.

46. what do you do when you're sad?
i don't really get that sad anymore, i just really think about the situation rationally and i don't indulge in my emotions and everything is fine. or i sleep and then everything is fine... or a shoot up the post office*

*last part added because i realized my answer was lame.

47. who would you call first if you won the lottery?
eric, then my credit card company.

48. last time you saw your best friend?
early this morning.

49. anyone close to you ever died?
my cousin shot himself in the head this summer, but we weren't that close anymore.

50. who was the last person you yelled at?
i honestly can't remember the last time i yelled at someone... haha that's so funny... uuuuum i know it wasn't eric because i don't even know what would happen if i yelled at him, i'm smart enough to know how pointless that would be... maybe my mom, maybe? let's just say it was elvis at the supermarket... does that work for you?

51. who or what sleeps with you?
sometimes my kitty, sometimes eric, sometimes pillows, sometimes elvis at the supermarket.

52. what's for dinner?
um, right not my specialty has been pineapple lemon stir fry, but i think i'll mix it up tonight... i was thinking about a mango chicken salad.

53. do you have a lap top?
yes i do but we have a very strained relationship...

54. are you going on vacation in the summer?
just went to vegas and we're going to disneyland and probably hollywood in october

55. do you ride roller coasters?
no but i have a feeling i'm going to be forced to go on many before my life is over.

56. is anyone on your bad side now?
i think all my sides are good... see look at this one: "oooo" oh and this one: "ahhhhh"

57. what jewelry are you wearing?
eight rings in my ears. my belly, nose, and lip ring.

58. what's the first thing you do when you get online?
check ebay or myspace.

59. your favorite band?

i've been listening to the plain white t's a lot but not to be a kiss ass or anything, but right now the adorkables are the only band that i can listen to absolutely every song and love it. if you would like to experience this excellent sensation, check their myspace for up coming shows. (Like my clever plug?)

60. your favorite singer?
kody lillington's voice makes me forget my name.

61. one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life right now?

plain white t's "write you a song"

i don't know how to make lots of money
i got debts that I'm trying to pay
i can't buy you nice things, like big diamond rings
but that don't mean much anyway
i can't give you the house you've been dreaming
if i could i would build it alone
i'd be out there all day, just hammering away
make us a place of our own

i will write you a song
that's how you'll know that my love is still strong
i will write you a song
and you'll know from this song that i just can't go on without you

i don't know that i'd make a good soldier
i don't believe in being violent and cruel
i don't know how to fight, but i'll draw blood tonight
if somebody tries hurting you

i will write you a song
that's how you'll know that my love is still strong
i will write you a song
and you'll know from this song that i just can't go on without you

now that it's out on the table
both of us knew all along
i've got your loving and you've got my song

i don't know how to make lots of money
i don't know all the right things to do
i can't say where we'll go, but the one thing I know
is how to be a good man to you
until i die that's what i'll do

62. one song (give lyrics) that best describes your life one year ago?

alkaline trio "radio"

waking up next to nothing after dreaming of you and me
i'm waking up all alone, waking up so relieved
while you're taking your time with apologies,
i'm making my plans for revenge
red eyes on orange horizons
if columbus was wrong i'd drive straight off the edge

taking your own life with boredom,
i'm taking my own life with wine -
it helps you to rule out the sorrow,
it helps me to empty my mind
making the most of a bad time

i'm smoking the brains from my head
leaving the coal calling the kettle black and orange and red
this kettle is seeing red
i've got a big fat fuckin' bone to pick with you my darling
in case you haven't heard i'm sick and tired of trying
i wish you would take my radio to bathe with you,
plugged in and ready to fall

63. when you're driving, what are the preset stations on your radio?
pink ipod always.

64. what's the last cd you bought?
astronautalis.

65. was the last cd you burned an actual cd or a mix?
a cd... panic! at the disco.

66. one song/band/singer you're embarrassed to like but do?
paris hilton.

67. if you could only attend one concert ever again, it would be?
it would be the adorkables just so i can hear "without you" one last time.

68. one band/singer you absolutely can't stand?
cheryl crow.

69. a group you use to like but feel you've grown out of?
rafi

70. do you watch grey's anatomy?
no... it's all about house...

71. how do most people spell your name?
cory, retards.

72. would you wear a boy/girlfriend's clothes?
yes, i love boy's t-shirts...

73. what are you doing tomorrow?
working... blah.

74. is justin timberlake becoming the next michael jackson?
i was unaware he liked sex with little boys.

75. favorite name for a girl?
my first girl will be lyla after my grandma cause she is bomb. i also love emerson, ellerie, and alice.

76. favorite name for a boy?
since eric is letting me name our first girl lyla, i said he can name the first boy... so we better not have any boys because he is really crazy about "mister" and "doctor." actually... he likes milo and so do i... so that's ok but if i end up with a baby named mister i'm gonna trade for a girl with someone in the hospital.

77. will you keep your last name when you get married?
no, jeni and i talked to eric about becoming a vevoda last night, but he wasn't gonna have any part of it...

78. when is the last time you left your house?
yesterday.

79. do you return your cart?
no... it didn't come with a receipt.

80. do you have a dishwasher?
yeah... eric.

81. what noise do you hear?
the tanning beds and the mystic spraying someone down. that sounds weird if you don't know what that is... like we have a wise magical old man with a hose.

82. would you survive in prison?
i'm trusting and friendly... so i'd prolly have to be someone's bitch to survive in the play yard...

83. who is the youngest in your family?
benziboy... 18

84. if all of your friends were going on a road trip, would you?
heck yes... i'd call shotgun too...

85. do you know anyone with the same name as you?
yes. corey tidwell... there was a time when we were gonna get married and have lots of little corey's but those days have passed...

86. how many pairs of shoes do you own?
a few.

87. what service is your cell phone?
verizon bitches! seriously, if verizon tries to take over the world... i'm right there hitler style... i love verizon...

88. what's the last thing you purchased?
a protein bar for me 3 o'clock snack that starts in... now!!

89. where is your cell phone?
your mom.

90. what brand are your pants right now?
american rag... the only brand i'll wear right now... loooooove them.

91. ever been down to georgia?
no but the devil has...

92. what irritates you most on the internet?
spelling like ThIs Is mOsT AnNoYInG.

93. do you watch movies with your parents?
sure

94. do you own expensive perfume/cologne, if so, what?
no... eric and i cannot agree on a smell for me so i don't wear anything really... i like clinique happy and he likes rotting strawberries by victoria's secret.

95. are you taking college classes right now?
no. quit.

96. do you like sushi?
no... i try... i really really do but it just makes me gag...

97. do you get your hair cut every month?
no i'm growing it out right now...

98. longest relationship?
five years.

99. are you taller than your mom?
no we are the same... i'm not taller than anything except dirt.

100. what were you doing this morning at 8am?
sleeping... mmmm sleep...

101. do looks matter?
i don't fuck ugly things... it's a rule i think we should all abide by in order to keep the ugly population in check. i'm taking evolution into my own hands... it may not look like i know what i'm doing... but i've got everything under control!

102. do you have good memories with old friends?
yeah but then old friends die and strangers take over their bodies and it makes me sad.

103. have you ever been to hollywood?
yep... but never did the tourist thing... in october hopefully,,,

104. are you wearing a necklace?
nope, i'm not wearing any jewelry right now except what's pierced through my flesh.

105. what were you doing 15 minutes ago?
taking the first bite of my protein bar... mmmmm paste....

106. do you worry about things you can't control?
how dumb, no because everything works together for good and if i can't control it chances are that's because if i was in charge i'd fuck it up.

107. what were you doing last night?
had an elegant dinner with jeni, eric, and christian then went to the house where i'm house sitting at and had an awesome talk with eric...

108. one regret?
not a one... i'm so happy now!!!

109. did you ever go ice skating as a kid?
never did it... dallas tried to get me to a few times but i resisted because ice and blades just doesn't make sense to me.

110. would you date the person who posted this?
cait is uber cute but i like boys...

111. are you happy right now??
yes, i truly am :)

112. what are you doing tonight?
hanging out with the puppies i'm taking care of.

113. do you trust people?
i want to... i really do... but i get burned a lot... but it's ok... i trust but more importantly i forgive.

114. if you were someone else, would you be friends with you?
you know what... i really would, i'm really easy to get a long with now... a year ago though... no way jose.

115. what is something you say when you're mad?
i really don't get mad... if i do i get quiet and think it over, and i usually decide there is no reason to be upset and i move on...

116. what family member do you look like?
my mom...

117. what friend will be coming over to your house next?
um i really don't know...

118. have you ever cried from being so mad?
definitely. that was almost a nightly thing for a long time.

119. who is number one on your top?
adorkable eric

120. why is this person first?
because he gives good kisses. he says smart things. i respect him and like following him. he's hott. he entertains me. and... did i say good kisses :)

121. do you know the words to the song on your myspace page?.
sure do... want me to sing it now... ok...

122. what is your favorite eye color on the opposite sex?
i used to only love blue until i saw this hispanic guy with green eyes that were killer... and then there's eric with his yellow eyes...

123. how many different beverages have you drank today?
one: 88 oz of mint tea... i know... savage...

124. what's one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
i wish i wasn't blind in one eye so i could go on the 3d rides at disneyland... waaaaahhhhh!!!!!


125. what's one thing you wish for?
healthy babies and a long life with them, my husband, and dog.

126. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
yeah.

127. what's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
9 fillings and 2 root canals in about a 3 month period... i was on drugs forever... it was horrible.

128. what is outside your back door?
a hill.

129. any plans for friday night?
that's a week away. no.

130. do you like messages or comments better?
messages because they tend to be something more important.

131. do you still talk to the person you last kissed?
just got off the phone with him.

132. have you ever seen your best friends cry?
no...

133. what kind of vitamins did you take as a kid?
flinstones biotch... now i take those viactive chews... i only take vitamins that taste like candy...

134. what is the last thing you ate?
a protein bar.

135. did you get any compliments today?
haha no actually everyone keeps coming into the salon asking me if i'm ok because i look so tired.

136. have you ever gone to court?
no no no no...

137. are most of your friends guys or girls?
it's actually prolly a tie...

138. are you friends with your neighbors?
no we don't talk... we don't do the whole "community" thing...

139. what languages does your mom speak?
just english and cussing... my dad speaks hebrew.

140. where have you lived throughout your life?
in salinas...

141. do you have a secret crush?
no... it's all over the tabloids...

142. do you dislike anyone right now?
no.

143. something you are excited about?
seeing how thin these magic pills can make me...

144. what is your favorite flavor of jello?
vodka.

145. ever been in love?
in it.

146. what is one misconception people initially have about you?
that i am even a shadow of the person i used to be... that chick's dead guys... get over it.

147. what's the last piercing you got?
i pierced my own belly button with a safety pin.

148. when was the last time you drove more than 30 minutes?
to san francisco on monday.

149. do you get distracted easily?
i don't know what you are ta... hey look a butterfly...

150. do you have kids?
nope.

151. if so where are they?
you tell me...

152. who's the coolest person ever?
my lover.

153. have you ever played spin the bottle?
oh yeah... a bunch in junior high...

154. have you ever tee-peed someone's house?
have i urinated tea on someone's house... who hasn't?

155. have you ever had a crush on your sister's/brother's friend?
hahahaha yeah and i'm also a pedophile... they all seem really young to me... so no...

156. have you ever gone to a beach?
all the time... well not so much now... but i did...

157. have you ever had a stalker?
i've been a stalker.

158. do you remember your music teacher's names from elementary school?
i'm visualizing cait's answer... wow that is vivd...

159. how good is your eyesight?
really bad... i'm full on blind in one eye and i can't even see the big e on the chart with the other...

160. do you have any enemies?
yes... spiders and mosquito eaters... and let me tell you it's a losing battle...

161. would you ever want to swim with the sharks?
if i were in a cage and they were on the other side, that would be pretty neat. except for being in a cage in the water where if you need to get air and the cage get's stuck under water you're fucked.

162. what would you say if i told you i was in love with your brother?
i'd have to do a background check to see if you were worthy of his awesomeness.

163. have you ever been out of your country?
yes... canada (don't bother, it sucks) and england

164. what's the best wedding you've been to?
mm, my cousin's wedding!

165. would your parents be mad if you got suspended for fighting?
no... since i don't go to school.

166. where are your siblings now?
scattered about the countryside...

167. what's the last dream you can remember?
kepi ghouli had died... it was soo sad... we went to the funeral.

168. who was the last person that called you?
eric.

169. what time did you wake up this morning?
8:43am.

170. what did you do this weekend?
worked.

171. favorite color to wear?
um... pink and black!

172. when was the last time you were really sick and where was it?
i don't remember... in february i got a cold and i was put in quarantine by eric... that sucked...

173. got plans for this weekend?
working working working...

174. what's in your back pocket?
my ass? nothing...

175. how many pillows on your bed?
four...

176. do you want to be pregnant right now?
that would mean i was having sex so yes... i do.

177. do you wear colored contacts?
no but i really really want them! i plan to dye my hair red after it's long and then i'll probably get green contacts...

178. how do you get to school?
don't :)

179. what were you doing at 4am this morning?
i'm gonna plead the fifth on that one...

180. what do you usually do first in the morning?
check the time...

181. do you know anyone in the army?
no, bob's in the airforce... that's not army though...

182. something that grosses you out?
blood...

183. does anything on your body hurt right now?
yeah actually... my left index finger... the tip of the bone hurts really bad.

184. do you get scared to tell somebody that you like them?
no but as the girl i kick back and let the boy come to me...

185. do you believe in the zodiac?
i believe in santa, i believe nostradomus, i believe in bat boy, i believe in paris hilton's innocence... but i'm not so ignorant as to believe in zodiac signs

186. something that people find out about you once they get to know you?
i don't wear underwear... ever... for any reason except sometimes when i wear skirts... but seriously, only sometimes... i hate underwear they put me in the worst mood.

187. when was the last time you shaved your legs?
yesterday... but it was a pretty shotty job, i was in a rush...

188. what are you wearing right now?
zip up hoodie, kathy's red bra that she'll prolly never see again, and my favorite jeans...

189. the last two people to say they loved you?
eric and jeni

190. last thing received in the mail?
cell phone bill... it was so low i almost cried i was so proud of me!!!

191. do you have any famous relatives?
me.

192. have you ever had sex in a public place?
yeah... it's a hobby... like bird watching...

193. have you ever been searched by the cops?
no but i wouldn't mind so much...

194. how is your hair?
it's good thanks, how is yours?

195. what have you eaten today?
just a protein bar... and vitamins.

196. are you any good at math?
yeah i actually really am.

197. have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
oh yes... you wanna see cori cry... this is a sure fire way.

198. do you like the ocean?
yes but not ocean creatures...

199. did you stay friends with your ex's?
hahaha no, not so much. they're all freaks...

200. are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
yeah two of them... not so bad.

201. where do you keep your money?
i don't... it all goes to bills...

202. do you remember the most naughty night of your life?
yeah... somethings stick no matter hw much you try to shake 'em off... and naughty is a gay word... wait should naughty be meant in a good way? i'm confused.

203. would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
someone else always... not just any someone else though... i'm very specific about my someone elses.

204. what was the weather like on your birthday?
i don't remember... i had a nighttime party but everyone got drunk and high and my friend drove home drunk and i was so worried i had a shitty time.

205. would you have sex with anyone on your top friends list?
what? did you say something? ...i just forgot my name, birthday, and broke into a sweat... god i'm excited... *shaky sigh*

206. what bill do you hate paying the most?
credit card...

207. where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
at my grandma and granpa's.

208. last time you puked from drinking?
i was on my hands and knees on highway 68... like almost a yeah ago...

209. when is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Never danced on a bar, but I have high fived the bartender :)

210. name of your first grade teacher?
ms. k..... can't spell it.

211. what do you really want to be doing right now?
laying in bed watching tv... i'm seriously very tired...

212. what did you want to be when you were growing up?
a veet.

213. how many colleges did you attend?
two.

214. why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
it was on the floor next to my bed.

215. gas prices?
go ahead... rise... i got the best car for it...

216. if you could move anywhere where would you move ?
no where unless i could take all the vevoda's with me...

217. first thought when the alarm went off this morning?
sooooo tired....

218. last thought before going to sleep last night?
hmm, this is kinda private... but chances are no one is reading this far... but i actually go through everything i'm thankful for in my life and make sure i'm giving credit to god... it keeps me in check every day... and it's not so hard to do... it's like a reflex now...

219. what errand/chore do you despise?
buy gas because i just hate stopping...

220. if you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
um... no, i think i would travel and just enjoy life... that may sound selfish but i don't owe my time to anyone... i think people are afraid to believe that... i think would still try to start my own business actually... but only after seeing the world.

221. get up early or sleep in?
sleep til 3 in the afternoon... sigh... but only on vacations...

222. what is your favorite cartoon?
my little pony bitches!!!!

223. favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
sex... duh.

224. have you got a boyfriend or girlfriend?
a boyfriend...

225. what is your best feature (physically)?
i have always been really really happy with my calves, i think i do a good job keeping them hott. i'm also kinda partial to my rack... you too? cool.

226. favorite 80's movie/band?
never ending story and depeche mode i guess... they're 80'd right? i dont know i was practically a fetus.

227. what do you get every time you go into sam's club?
fuck any store you have to be a member to shop at!

228. beach or lake?
lake for fishing.

229. do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
no, not at all.

230. favorite guilty pleasure?
all mexican food...

231. what's your drink?
coconut sobe and kailua.

232. cowboys or indians?
stealing this answer... i say fairies too...

233. cops or robbers?
bobs...

234. who from high school would you like to run into?
eh... whoever...

235. the cosby show or the simpson's?
south park.

236. worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
no mistakes... there's reasons for everything...

237. do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
no one... i work alone.

238. if you could get away with it, who would you kill?
what, no one... ok maybe celine dion but no one else...

239. what famous person(s) would you like to have dinner with?
patrick wilson...

240. what famous person would you like to sleep with?
sleep like cuddle and no sex... wishbone...

241. do you have a teddy bear?
no...

242. somewhere in california you've never been and would like to?
the north east corner... haven't hit that yet...

243. do you go to church?
nope... not even for holidays.

244. at this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
neither... i love my career and my relationship... my life is kick ass...

245. did you listen to new kids on the block?
no no no no no... ok a little... but very little!!!

246. did you ever own a slap bracelet?
oh duh!!!

247. the babysitter's club or sweet valley high?
umm i more more into just animal stuff... not so girlie...

248. salute your shorts or hey dude?
both!!! i totally loved both!!! oh and pete and pete!

249. kids incorporated or the mickey mouse club?
m-i-c(see you real soon)-k-e-y(why? because we like you) m-o-u-s-e dude loved that show!!! i wonder if you can get it on dvd... dude i'd buy it...

250. w/ho was alf?
this creature who had an uncircumcised penis as a nose...

251. do you remember the show dinosaurs?
yes! not the mama!! god i loved that... it was on fridays i think...

252. do/did you know the words to the fresh prince them song?
sort of...

253. kimmie gibler or urkel?
urkel, kimmie was way too ditzy.

254. blossom or clarissa explains it all?
clarissa explains it all... looooooved that show!

255. step by step or full house?
full house... but we used to call it the michelle show...

256. mr. rogers or reading rainbow?
mr. rogers and his train! but those puppets freaked me out a little!

257. did you own a glo worm?
totally dude... and a water baby.

258. paula abdul: better now or then?
never...

259. wild 'n' crazy kids or double dare?
actually i really liked and watched both of them.

260. remember legends of the hidden temple?
that's still on tv!!! i just watched it the other day!

261. the mighty ducks or the little giants?
i never either... no desire to.

262. did you watch saved by the bell?
i have seen it but i wasn't so into it... i was more of a boy meets world, wonder years girl...

263. camp nowhere or house arrest?
never heard of these. did anyone watch rescue 911?

264. did you own a pair of reebok pumps?
no... but i have cute high heal adidas pumps now ;)

265. carebears or smurfs?
smurfs!!!! carebears=totally lame

267. rainbow brite or strawberry shortcake?
rainbow brite!

268. did you watch miami vice?
no...

269. did you own a pair of jelly shoes?
omg yes! and i actually bought a pair a year ago... yes they kicked ass!

270. did you own a trapper keeper?
yes, it had puppies on it...

271. atari or nintendo?
nintendo now and always...

272. where were you 1 hour ago?
here.

273. who will be your next kiss?
the puppies or eric

274. do you kiss a lot of people?
yeah what a weird question... no, no i don't.

275. are you wearing socks right now?
no... i pretty much wear flip flops all the time...

276. when was the last time you went out of state?
we went to washington in may and nevada this month.

277. have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
no... i really want to see knocked up too!!!

278. do you have any tattoo's?
yeah, three... one big... two medium.

279. can you stand the smell of coffee?
oh yes i love it! if i could wear it as a perfume i totally would... mmmmm

280. do you have pets?
yes... puppies, kitty, and bunnies. and a fish.

281. who was the last person you texted?
meredith!!!

282. have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
no... i have about $7.00 to my name right now...

283. are you a big drinker?
no, not anymore... actually i would love it if i could drink more and get less affected because i really love the taste of alc... but like 2 malibu and 7-ups in and i'm done...

284. are you a vampire?
i hate blood

285. what's your favorite color?
black magic red

286. if you could go anywhere right now, where would you be?
omg uuuummm... in ireland staying in a castle with eric and all the vevodas.

287. what is the last thing you purchased online
tickets to the night tour of alcatraz... which kicked ass...

288. who did you last call?
jeni

289. what are you doing on monday?
working, going to the gym, driving to concord.

290. do you miss anyone?
yeah... teh bob.

291. last movie you saw?
i don't remember what it was called... a dark room?

292. do you like the number 23?
actually 14 is my number... i adore it.

293. were you an honor roll student in school?
heck yes... and on asb...

294. what do you know about the future?
it will be exactly what it's supposed to be and i am quite satisfied with that.

295. what is your favorite scent?
jake by hollister on eric

296. do you have a job?
yes i do.

297. when was the last time you went swimming?
i don't remember... arroyo seco a few years ago?

298. how old do you want to be when you have kids?
older than i am right now and younger than thirty.

299. have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
seriously... every time i see this question i can't believe it's even here... everyone has drank soda from a straw.

300. how do you like your soda?
orange, diet, room temp, and flat.

301. next time you'll take a shower?
as soon as i get off work.

302. what is your mood?
determined to make this the longest survey ever...

303. what did you get for valentines day?
a boyfriend.

304. if anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would you be wearing?
pj pants and a sweat shirt...

305. do you eat raw cookie dough?
no i eat raw kittens and add chocolate chips... a recipe bob gave me.

306. what is your favorite month?
uuuummmm changes from year to year... i'm really looking forward to october right now.

307. what is your favorite season?
winter.

308. what is your favorite state?
california only bitches! nevada is too hot. washington is gay. oregon is a giant backward prunedale. utah... freaks... and too damn flat. wyoming: prunedale. nebraska: not enough teeth in the whole state to chew a stick of gum. minnesota: shit weather and bad accents. wisonsin: owr cheese so so much better! seriously, i think we should break from the union... or just us and new your... fuck the rest of you.

309. have you ever loved someone so much it made you cry?
um... only one time so far, it felt really good though. to know you are capable of such a cool feeling.

310. have you ever broken a bone?
no... but i heard it sucks.

311. have you ever been in a police car?
no but i'd like to be.

312. have you ever been on a plane?
yes and i looooooove flying!!!

313. have you ever came close to dying?
no, i don't really believe in close calls...

314. have you been in a hot tub?
yeah you've read the blog right?

315. have you ever swam in the ocean?
yep... when i was trying to learn to surf... i still want to know how to... grrr...

316. have you ever fallen asleep in school?
yeah and i got sprayed in the face with a squirt bottle because of it... thanks mr. zarling

317. have you ever broken someone's heart?
i think so...

318. have you ever fallen off your chair?
um yes... many times.

319. have you sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?
yeah... well more like check my cell phone a billion times.

320. have you ever saved e-mails?
yeah i always do... i have emails from bob that are 6 years old!

321. have you ever cheated?
no, not really... kinda... if someone else did that to me i'd consider it cheating but he didn't consider what i did cheating... whatever... long time ago.

322. have you had chicken pox?
yeah.

323. have you had a sore throat?
yeah, duh, who hasn't.

324. have you had stitches?
yes, on my actual eye ball because they had to cut through it to get to the muscles behind it.

325. have you had a broken nose?
twice.

326. who was the last person you danced with?
eric at the wedding. yeah i deserve a trophy... i got eric to dance and have fun doing it. well... maybe he was having more fun watching me dance like a dork... but i'm gonna take the credit and run anyway.

327. who makes you smile?
eric, and puppies... but not both because eric kills puppies.

328. do you like yourself?
yeah actually, i really do.

329. what did you do today?
this... really... i've been filling thos out all day.

330. what car do you wish to have?
i love my car, i have the best dream car ever and i wouldn't trade her for anything.

331. are you the oldest?
yea... and prolly the least wisest... how does that work?

332. indoors or outdoors?
both.

333. who was the last person who was in your bed?
eric

334. who was the last person who you talked to on the phone?
jeni

335. who was the last person who made you cry?
aaron, cause he made his parents so sad by killing himself... foolish boy.

336. who was the last person who you went to the movies with?
eric... we saw one movie and staye to watch another which was the first time i had ever done that... it was naughty.

337. who was the last person who you went to the mall with?
eric so he could get his man pills...

338. have you been to mexico?
no, but i want to!

339. have you been to canada?
yes... gay.

340. have you been to africa?
no...

341. what books are you reading right now?
um... i'm supposed to read this elvis one eric has but i keep forgetting to get it.

342. best feeling in the world?
sex.

343. what's under your bed?
bodies.

345. favorite sport to watch?
rodeo

346. ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with?
uh, i thought so... i thought eric was too cool and smart and good looking for me and never even considered making a move... so i didn't.

347. are you lonely right now?
no i'm not. i always have someone to hang out with if i want to.

348. what do people call you?
bond... james bond... but only when i pay them to.

349. have you ever killed someone with braces?
a few times actually.

350. who is the last missed call on your call log?
a girl calling about buying some bunnies.

351. if you could change your eye color, what would you change it to?
really bright, clear green...

352. what is the wallpaper on your phone?
a picture i took of the sky outside my work one night... it was soooo pretty!

353. what do you have at your bedside every night?
my contact lens case and my cell phone.

354. what was the last text message you sent?
to meredith, she had suggested i see this indie film and i was thinking her for the suggestion.

355. do any of your friends annoy you?
no, not really... sometimes when they insist on making bad decisions over and over... but that's their deal...

356. when was the last time you cried from laughing so hard?
i don't remember what he said but eric said something where i ended up on the floor crying and literally gasping for air. i was like full on hyperventilating... it was sooo funny! he seriously cracks me up.

357. what's the longest you've ever talked on the phone?
um, four of five hours in high school.

358. what do you think of hunting and fishing?
i think it's awesome... i'm totally down with killing animals and if you are not that simply means you are too ignorant to know better... do educate yourself foo!

359. what is a noise that you cannot stand?
jazz.

360. has something happened that you honestly thought you were gonna die?
yeah when i crashed my car.

361. last time you cried on some ones shoulder?
at my cousin's funeral.

362. what do you smell like right now?
um... me?

363. do you have a hard time admitting when you're wrong?
not at all.

364. who did you last trust to keep a secret?
i already lost it. i don't keep 'em long enough to give 'em to anyone.

365. what shoes did you wear today?
flippy flops

366. what makes you lose your appetite?
fat people... honestly they make me not want to eat.

367. what color is your laundry basket?
floor colored.

368. does your mom make you wear a winter coat?
no but yours does... oh snap.

369. how do you like your steak and chicken?
beef and bird.

370. where did you get your last bruise/bruises from?
uuuum i don't bruise often... i don't remember having one really since my car accident.

371. where did you last go to eat at?
my grandparent's house.

372. does someone currently like you?
yeah, and i assume you do if you've just read 371 random facts about me... unless you hate me and you are trying to get information on me... ooohhh clever clever...

373. what do you do when you pass graveyards?
admire them... i think a lot of them are very pretty... my favorites are old over grown ones...

374. do you get along with your parents?
yeah.

375. last thing you listened to?
there's a dog barking outside.

376. do you have anyone who is lesbian, gay, or bi in your family?
no... we all really like sex classic style...

377. do you wish at 11:11?
no.

378. have you ever been rushed to the hospital?
yes, strapped to a board in an ambulance and there was nothing wrong with me... the whole ordeal cost my insurance company $20,000... sweet.

379. are you sarcastic?
mike birbiglia style.

380. can you rap?
yes, can a rap well... no.

381. do you believe in god?
yes.

382. what's one thing you can't live without?
lungs.

385. are you a mexican?
ya caught me.

386. your favorite actor?
clive owen.

387. your favorite actress?
i love ludavine sagnier.

388. your favorite television show right now?
rip veronica mars, i will never, ever get over you!!!

389. five really cool movies you've recently seen?
i actually really have not been impressed lately.

390. favorite canceled television show?
veronica mars... waaahhhhhhh!!!

391. one movie you wish you hadn't wasted time/money on recently?
pollock, ok that's not recent, but i'm still bitter.

392. you would never watch a movie with?
a sweaty man.

393. favorite candy/food to watch movies with?
swedish fish.

394. three favorite TV channels?
no clue.

395. favorite reality show?
hell's kitchen!!!

396. favorite character on a reality show?
does simon count?

397. do you enjoy looking at your myspace profile?
yeah i do... it's very organized and happy.

398. what does your favorite candle smell like?
peppermint or cranberries.... i love both.

399. when was the last time you spoke in front of a large group of people?
um... back when i was a youth leader i used to give talks... that was a long time ago though...

400. who should get number one on people magazines sexiest list?
you're gonna gag if i write eric's name one more time... huh...

401. what is one of your favorite things to do when it's cold outside?
curl up on the couch with a blanket, drink hot tea and watch movies.

402. what is one of your favorite things to do when it's hot outside?
go swimming at arroyo seco! or lay in a hammock and drink malibu on the rocks with a boy.

403. what was the last tv show you watched?
the fresh prince of bel-air last night.

404. do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed?
closed cause i sleep in longer than anyone else in the house so i don't want them to wake me up in the morning, when i live alone it's open.

405. do you have a secret identity?
i wish i had a clever thing to say here... but i don't... damnit.

406. have you ever sniffed magic markers?
yeah, but the fruity smelling kind.

407. what was one of your favorite toys as a child?
my little ponies... i had soooo many of them... actually... i still do.

408. are you good at cooking anything in particular?
yeah... anything chicken and veggie related... mango chicken stir fry, lemon chicken stir fry, chipotle chicken stir fry...

409. do you have any injuries right now?
no... healthy.

410. do you have a credit card?
kinda... i have credit card bills but i cut up the actual cards about 6 months ago so i could use them.

411. have you ever taken out a loan to pay for school?
no... never will.

412. do you ever leave messages on people's answering machines/voice mail?
not always... sometimes... see i hate listening to mine so i think of that when leaving them.

413. have you ever wanted to look like someone else?
yeah, i do... right now, joss stone.

414. what's your favorite frozen treat?
baby coconut ice cream

415. are you an organized person?
yes, very.

416. do you think you have an ocd about anything?
um, not really... dishes i guess... i hate cooking in a kitchen where there are dirty dishes. and i need clean counters, no clutter... ok... i guess i am... but i just need a pure work space!

417. who did you lose your concert virginity to?
the juliana theory... awesome...

418. are you a fast reader?
no i'm actually a really really slow reader... it's sad... i also wear a helmet.

419. have you ever put "yes please" by sex on something you had to answer?
no but i usually think about it.

420. have you ever smoked weed?
yeah... out of a coke can too :)

421. have you ever vandalized anything?
no.

423. are you afraid or bothered by something that others find strange?
touching red meat... i did it for the first time a little while ago... i starting crying in the middle of the kitchen and eric had to finish cooking it. i'm so pathetic.

424. can you name all fifty states?
yeah prolly (by the way, whitney says she can and in alphabetical order and i don't believe her, no, not even a little bit!)

425. is there a celebrity that you would like to punch in the face?
paula abdul... seriously she drives me up the wall!

426. have you ever stepped on something sharp and had it go through your foot?
yeah, a nail... sucked... through my show and everything... i don't like thinking about it

427. have you ever been stung by a jellyfish?
no...

428. what's one of the dumbest home remedies that you've heard of?
gargling salt...

429. have you ever saved anyone's life?
no, maybe an animal.

430. do you like what the ocean does to your hair?
no it does horrible things to my hair... but it was even worse when i was blonde.

431. have you ever received one of those big tins of three different kinds of popcorn for christmas?
yeah... and one year i vomited it all over the couch. you're welcome mom!

432. what are you doing this christmas?
um, don't know... my and aunt and uncle from washington are supposed to come down so we will prolly be partying at my grandparents the whole time they are here... i know eric's gonna want me to go down to his family get together... but i have a feeling every free second i have will be spent with the vevoda clan... we kick ass at holidays!!!

433. do you have a tree every year?
yes!!! and a real one always! i'm sad i won't have my own tree year to decorate...

434. do you like eggnog?
yeah but it's too thick so i cut it with fate free milk.

435. have you ever been to a planetarium?
yeah, they aren't that great.

436. do you use a lot of salt?
no... not really.

437. is your closet organized?
organized by clothing type, and usually color. right now i share a closet with my brother so not so much right now.

438. most awkward sex moment?
uuuhhhhh... one time dallas thought it would be funny to spit in my mouth... like while mine was open and he was over me... omg i was so mad! so gross and not something i'd incorporate into sex.

439. what's your most vivid memory from 6th grade?
smoking my first cigarette in the toro river bed after a dance at san benancio school. i was so nervous i wan gonna do it wrong or choke... but i didn't and i felt really cool.

440. your latest addiction?
my new protein bars...

441. have you ever had the slight urge to kill someone?
yeah... i was very very jealous...

442. how many people would you say were interested in you?
i'm very taken, but a lot of guys try to flirt with me at work so i'd say a few.

443. what do you love doing?
sleeping, cuddling, hanging out with my family, myspacing.

444. Do you think someone thinks about you daily?
i know he does.

445. what do you want to be when you grow up?
the best wife ever, the best mom ever, and a boss that my employee's really like :)

446. what is your favorite food?
um, wow a lot of stuff... coconut fried shrimp, chicken nachos, pineapple pepperoni pizza, the hula burger at hula's with sweet potato fries... mmmmm...

447. how many people do you know with the same name as yours?
three... but only one who spells it the same way :)

448. What was the last thing you spilled on yourself?
ice tea.

449. what is a funny sound to you?
eric imitating the bad guy from kung-pow... seriously cracks me up everytime.

450. have you ever been complimented on something other than your looks?
um, one of the clients came in and called me sexy, which i know is looks but i think sexy is also an attitude... and also it was dallas' boss and that made me giggle... i'm a dork.

451. do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with?
yeah i do, not really often, but we have mutual friends.

452. what did you do when you were in school in the 2nd grade?
i spent my days terrified of my teach, mrs. reinking, who looked just like gene wilder.

453. what is the best thing about your job?
it's really easy and i get to talk to people all day.

454. favorite past time?
sleeping!

455. are you against same sex marriage?
i really could not care less about the issue... the way i see it, they aren't breeding (as much) and that's good... go for it guys.

456. did you vote for bush?
yeah... but i was more voting against everyone else...

457. do you own any furniture from ikea?
yes, i'm ashamed... bookshelves.

458. last book you read?
something bible related.

459. if you could have one super power what would it be?
to make myself invisible and eavesdrop on other people's conversations because i want to know what people think about me.

460. where have you lived most of your life?
salinas... all my life... i like it :)

461. what was the last convo you had about?
actual in depth conversation? about youth group and church and the things people do to feel spiritual... which can be really scary.

462. where do you see yourself in four years?
married, most likely in central california still, maybe closer to the coast... with my tanning salon up and running... oh what a wonderful thought!

463. are you moody?
i'm really not. even if i have a good reason to be mad, i rather let it go and be happy and calm for the people i love.

464. favorite movie of all time?
eternal sunshine of a spotless mind... no contest...

465. have you ever gone to therapy?
um, dallas and i so a marriage counselor... that didn;t work out so good.

466. have you ever gone camping?
yes! every summer several times for as long as i can remember... looooove it!!!

467. have you ever gone to a nude beach?
no and i prolly won't ever because a. i know how eric would feel about random people seeing me naked, b. i know how i feel about seeing random people naked, especially those i don't feel should be naked.

468. have you ever gone streaking?
no... skinny dipping, yes!

469. have you ever gone to a party where you were the only one sober?
yeah... my birthday the last two years in a row actually.

470. have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend?
by my current best friend... no. and before him my best friend was my cat so the answer is still no.

471. have you ever lied to your parents?
a few times in high school... nothing earth shattering

472. have you ever been out of the country?
england and canada...

475. have you ever thrown up from working out?
yes... when i was on the track team

476. have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight?
no i don't do hats... i did get a really really bad cut in 5th grade... like i looked like a crazed lion.

477. have you ever eaten three meals from three different fast food places in one day?
oh yeah... man that sounds good... fast food... mmmmm...

478. last song you listened to?
the song on my profile...

479. have you ever spied on someone?
i've gone through someone else's emails... yeah i'm not proud of it.

480. have you ever slept in the same bed with the opposite sex?
yeah... that's how a prefer my sleeping.

481. have you ever seen your best friend naked?
uh-huh :)

482. do you re-use towels after you shower?
um, sometimes. i usually use it one more time then wash it cause it's not as soft after it air dries like that.

483. the most annoying person you know is?
oh, i actually don't know... oh yeah i do... oh yeah she is really annoying... hahaha i can't believe i didn't think of that right away.

484. the first person you thought you loved?
robert i guess... i don't know, i don't know what i thought love was... but whatever i thought, i was so fucking wrong...

485. what movies make you cry?
i sobbed like a crazy person after the notebook and after big fish... like for way longer than what is considered normal.

486. your favorite website?
myspace bitches!

487. what do you hate about yourself?
nothing... i am made the way i am for a purpose and for another person... and i'm satisfied with that.

488. what's the worst pain you've ever felt.
when dallas left, that first night i thought i would never stop screaming and i thought my whole body was going to explode with the pain. i know i'll never feel anything like that ever again because i don't think i could ever reach that point of hopelessness again.

489. your favorite phrase?
dude and heck yes

490. what is your favorite room in the house?
my bedroom, it's quiet and i can be alone.

491. your greatest weakness?
wanting to put people up on pedestals... they fall off and i'm devastated... but i haven't done it for a very long time...

492. what turns you off?
if i know i want a man more than he wants me.

493. who broke your heart?
sometimes knowing the true side of someone is the worst kind of heart break in the world, they don't have to leave, just the person you thought they were dies and you morn that person... that's what breaks my heart... so it's not a name, naming thing... that's insensitive.

494. do you have any nicknames?
kinda... hogeboom calls me c-dogg, bob calls me cors, tina calls me corsum, dallas used to have stuff he called me, oh like princess sugar bear... haha totally dorkie but i liked it. eric calls me sweet things all the time and that's my favorite out of all of them.

495. when was the last time you saw someone you hadn't seen in a long time?
at the last adorkables show i saw a guy i went to high school with. i didn't recognize him but he totally remembered me... random.

496. have you ever cried over something someone of the opposite sex did?
oh yeah... yeah really bad.

497. do you have a "type" of person you always go after?
no, well ok yes... they were always taller, older, usually white (not a racist thing, it's just what i'm attracted to) not too loud... but i don't "go after" men now... well i go after one :)

498. want someone you don't have riqht now?
no... i have so much more than i've ever wanted.

499. ever liked a close guy/girl friend?
yeah... it worked out ok.

500. Ever afraid you'll never get married?
no... no not at all!!!