Friday, December 22, 2006

The Libertion Part Three

Yesterday I did not write because I only had two things to say and I did not feel that was enough for a whole blog. Thing one was that cold has been redefined for me. Thing two is that I had a lot of time to think about me, and my friends, and who really are friends and who aren't. That's a tough distinction to make, I'm working on it... but that was yesterday... on to today.

Today Bob and I headed over to London. My goal was to kiss one of those guards, either resulting in being dragged off by the police, or being asked in for tea because I rock so hard, either way it would be a great picture and even better blog.

Well I did not get to kiss a guard, or even see one, because London does not believe in parking. Like not like there were parking places but they were filled... there were no places, garages, lots... nothing. We saw amazing historical buildings, cozy warm coffee shops, everything... but there was not a parking place to be found.

So we did not get to do typical touristy things like see the Queen's pad or caress the globe theater (which I imagined to be orgasmic, but now I won't know) but as we drove on for hours and hours and... hours. We did see some seriously amazing architecture, and some really shifty parts of hackney, a pimp with a top hat, and several locations where you can get unspecified surgergical proceedures done.

I know, I know... you think the only places to get surgery are in hospitals and doctor's offices. How uncreative! Here in England we prefer damp dark back alley locations cradled between smoke shops and liquor stores that are simply labeled with a hand painted sign saying "Surgery." I wish we could have found a parking spot because I wanted to get a closer look! We saw a couple of these places, and Bob and I believe they are used to lure people in, where murderers lie within. And the way I see it... if you go in, you kinda asked for it.

So... we barely escaped and by three in the afternoon started heading towards Cambridge... where they have parking... and wicked fog...

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Liberation Part Two

This blog contains the events of Cori's first day in England. She includes descriptions of her interactions with the natives as well as a few complaints and more than enough awesome..


So english air.

No one cares about english air, I care about english beer. My first beer in england actually was not a Guinness. I know! Blasphemy! This morning with my first English pub breakfast of meat pie (I know, a pie, of meat! Weird!) and mashed potatoes and peas and cabbage and carrots (no messing around on this breakfast) I had a Strongbow. Appley awesomeness guys, appley awesomeness. I took pictures.

There's frost everywhere, it's gorgeous... and slippery. Seriously I have to get some pictures of the frost covered trees, oh and as it warmed up this morning icicles were falling from the trees, it was like it was raining just under the trees.

Complaint 1:

I wish my wife was here. I miss k=Kathy and wish I had brought her so we could go pick up some cute Brits together and dance all night until we pass out in the gutter in true English form. Bob isn't good at picking up boys, and quite honestly, I think that would creep out the whole experience. Sadly it's like 5pm and I'm beat to death, so this partying is only awesome in theory. In addition to that I've really only seen military boys, which are too common to be exciting.

Awesome cont.:

So I have one person on my friends list that I have never met, and that's Peters. After my pestering, Bob was kind enough to drive me out to his house which is in a neighborhood with a very different smell. Bob said it is a little like Bosnia there. Peters apparently is pretty illusive because he did not answer the door and he was not at work. There's still tomorrow.

The fog here puts Salinas to such serious shame. It seriously makes England it's bitch like nothing else. The heavy fog at dusk (which is like at 4pm) makes me feel like I'm about to be murdered or raped at any moment. No the rape doesn't sound exciting.

Complaint 2 and 3:

I miss my cell phone. I was really excited about the idea of texting Eric a picture of me and my first English Guinness and that feeling I was going to get when I'd know he was looking at it and was being jealous. Actually I was going to make it of me drinking it and walking, so he could be double jealous. I could be making out with Kristen Bell too but I think the despair would be too much for him. I also would like to complain about ruining of my perfect day yesterday. I had a brilliant time at the airports and on the planes. Sent some lovely texts to my friends and received some even lovelier. I even thought I received a nice one from Dallas, and reciprocated... but alas, I was wrong, he was being an extreme asshole as usual but I just didn't pick up on it. Fuck him and his indirection.

Awesomeness cont. and conclusion:

Tomorrow should rock, I have tons of awesomeness planned and I'm way excited. I believe ice skating is involved, you'll want to hear about it. Talk to you tomorrow? It's a date.

Monday, December 18, 2006

The Liberation Part One

So, can we just talk about how awesome I am for a minute.

O'm sitting at SFO on my laptop in a hott black pea coat and black uggs, with my passport, money, and boarding pass in my inside left pocket, with a scarf (grey because it's classic and very English), waiting to board my flight to England.

I'm by myself.

It's amazing to think of the things I would have probably never done had it not been for the tragic abandonment. I think being my gorgeous self here at gate 40 would not have happened. Here begins the liberation of Cori Lynn.

We'll see what other surprises the English air brings. See you bitches in eight days!!! Bob, see you in one!!!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

What You Need to Know

My internal dialogue is in poetic verse.

I drank something disgusting six hours ago.

I was up til three and woke up at seven for no reason.

The reason was that my bed felt empty and the silence hurt my ears.

I think smoking is incredibly sexy, but I'm glad I don't need it to feel hott.

I put a new song on my profile because I'm in the mood for the perfect love song.

I text my roommate from the next room because I don't feel like getting up to talk.

I discovered something nine hours ago. I think I'm the most forgiving person I know.

I don't pine for anyone. I have one ambiguous relationship. I have three buds to nip. I have one flame to douse.

When it came down to it, I turned out to be worth more than my sale price. I love a good bargain, but I'm not one.

I watched two movies already today. One was amazing. One I think I could have spent the rest of my life without.

I'm thinking about Vince Gallo right now. If I was invisible, I think he is who I'd follow so I could stare at him without feeling self conscious.

In eight days I will be in England. I might cry when I get there, I'm not sure. Bob should bring a camera. Seeing me cry is like catching a glimpse of the Loch Ness monster.

I'm sitting in front of a window at a coffee shop drinking a small chai and watching the rain and listening to good music. I think heaven will be a little like this, only Jesus will be drinking a vanilla latte.