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Thursday, August 21, 2014

Baby 4 Week 23: If you could not try to fuck my husband that would be awesome + Ultrasound pics/video



Week 23

I feel pretty amazing! I love this pregnancy. No aches or pains, I didn't even really have any heartburn this week. And baby is moving a ton now, I can easily feel him or her from the outside and it's so cool. Definitely does not get old at all, everything feels fresh and exciting for this pregnancy. The only way that it feels like I've done this three times before is just in feeling really relaxed about everything. When you know more, I feel like there is less to worry and wonder about. I guess knowing too much is a problem for some people... but I think there is a difference between having too much information... and understanding it.

I really can't wait to meet this little one, but I also could be pregnant forever at this point... until I think about cake. I think my friends wait until I have gestational diabetes to share the most amazing recipes... samoas coconut cream pie... french toast casserole... I know... shut up right? Being really careful with my diet has paid off though. My blood sugar is still 100% within my target range, I've only gained back two of the eleven pounds I lost in early pregnancy, and I just feel really good. I might be totally dooming my next week... but I promised to be honest with you guys so that's a risk I'm willing to take.

Now about girls trying to have sex with my husband, especially when I'm pregnant... then we'll get to the ultrasound stuff. So I've only ever been with musicians, boyfriends and husbands. Musicians get attention from girls... I know... I'm a girl... and they all got my attention.

I married that guy.

When you marry a musician you have to figure out how you are going to deal with that. Are you going to be cool? Protective? Cut bitches with broken bottles? Personally... I'm kinda a blend depending on whether or not I have a uterine occupant. We are headed into irrational territory here, so don't judge me... or you can... but I'm in the broken bottle phase right now so maybe don't say anything about it.

I've never really worried about Eric because before he and I were even interested in each other, I watched girls try to hook up with him. I watched him kick totally willing girls out of his bed... and eventually I tried and failed myself. He's never been with someone outside of marriage, and doesn't seem to have any curiosity in what that's like.

So there is no reason for me to get super crazy when women hit on Eric, after all... it takes two. But for some reason when I'm pregnant it happens more often, and it bothers me a lot more. I shared about it for the first time when Eric's band played in Colorado and this girl would not back off... so naturally... I wanted to murder her. When I was pregnant with Indy I found hand prints on the inside of Eric's car window... which obviously meant he was having sex with women on his lunch break, like Titanic... and he was working on docks... could have been ON the Titanic. I warned you, this is totally irrational territory here. Maybe it's baby trying to ensure a stable family before he or she arrives. Maybe it's just hormones. Whatever it is... it's back.

Eric doesn't really play music anymore, but he does preform as a Ghostbuster for various charity events. So replace image above with this one now:

I did not know I was marrying a Ghostbuster by the way...

I think Eric is super attractive, but the Ghostbuster thing really doesn't do anything for me. Apparently... I'm alone in that. It's really not uncommon for him to come home from events and search instagram or twitter, looking for pictures from the event and find posts like this:


Doesn't bother me. Now when I know hundreds of girls, some of them basically in underwear, are putting their arms around him to take pictures, there is mild annoyance... but I make sure rational side wins in those moments. I should just be proud right? Well two weekends ago rational side lost... and it was ugly.

Eric and some other Ghostbusters were invited to a Bill Murray art show. Eric decided to also make and exhibit some art:



And he turned out to be the best seller in the show:


Turns out... if he was offering more than just his art, he probably could have been the best seller in the show that way too. I always ask if women hit on him at events, so I asked as usual and he said yeah. I was busy cleaning cages so didn't ask more, but followed up later and he said yeah, one was super forward. She said she never does this (lie, that's always a lie) but this was basically her fantasy and she had to ask... and then something about wanting to mount a pack, asked if that interested him or something. He showed her his ring and said his wife wouldn't appreciate it... I think he should have charged her for alone time with just his pack. She acted horrified that she propositioned a married man, and brought it up again later... but yeah... girls see rings.

Next girl just made a comment outside about how much action Eric must get being the hottest Ghostbuster, not a direct proposition. More classy yeah? Eric replied, "Yeah, at home" and I was satisfied with that response. This might be swinging in the opposite direction of crazy jealousy, but I don't want him to feel like his wife is holding him back from something... which I occasionally ask... and he treats me like I'm crazy... because he doesn't even get how people can just meet, and have sex, and be into that. Then I start to explain how people can be totally into that and Eric stops me because I might be about to mention things he likes to pretend didn't happen. Fair enough.

The next girl Eric said seemed to be flirting and wanting to hook up, but was "really cool" about it. He said she was really nice and he liked talking to her. No reaction, I just tried to listen. I asked what kinds of things she said and did, no pleas to mount his pack, just inviting him back to the city in the future, sharing where she worked (which involved alcohol), dragging him onto the dance floor... etc etc... This one, for some reason, started to set something off, maybe because Eric thought she was cool, or because he continued to initiate conversation when he probably should have walked away, maybe because after knowing he had a wife and kids she still put her hands on him and pulled him onto the dance floor, even though he didn't dance... because Eric doesn't... I don't know... but I quietly stewed over it... all day.... which I never do. I always air grievances immediately and let them go... but I let this one simmer, reduce, and intensify.

By late that night I had decided that I was not ok, and said so. I went from calm to door slamming and sobbing pretty quickly, I think because Eric tried to defend her, and him... instead of saying, "yeah I probably should have walked away" or "she was totally out of line" and we could have left it at that. I also feel like the concept of a good relationship is constantly under attack, and I'm genuinely afraid of being duped. I'm constantly encountering online chatter about the nature of men (all men do this, if they don't, they are lying), and we have been watching a lot of Catfish lately and watching people be lied to for long periods of time, and Dr. Phil cheater shows of course don't help... "for every rat you see there's 50 you don't," fuck did I see a rat??? And then the pregnancy paranoia does the rest I guess. Why wouldn't any guy cheat on his pregnant, not exciting, same old wife when he totally could? How did I get lucky and get a good... pretty much perfect one? God it's always the perfect ones too.

I felt better the next day, kinda stupid, but also justified... and I was ok with that not making sense either. Eric wasn't upset by it, which started me down "well shouldn't he be upset" but I reeled it back in. I haven't decided if I'm allowed to have one of these meltdowns once every couple years or not. I have however definitely decided that I really prefer other women not try to fuck my husband, especially when I'm pregnant.

And soon after this Eric felt baby kick for the first time... in the face... maybe baby was keeping dad in check... "don't stress out mom... just wait til I'm out and she can manage her emotions again."

I'm glad I'm admitting this even if it's totally embarrassing. I've actually had my birth class students call me and say "I just completely freaked out on my husband, I've never done that before, are we ok?" So just in case anyone else has done what I did two weekends ago... you aren't alone.

If you read all that, get up and stretch or something... because that was ridiculous.

What felt like was forever away already came and went, we had our anatomy scan! This will hopefully be the last ultrasound of the pregnancy. Everything looked perfect. Here are some of the pictures we got, and a video of the whole ultrasound. Feel free to try to figure out if baby is a boy or a girl... I wont be analyzing the video :) I am not sure I have ever thought any of the babies were this cute via ultrasound, I can't wait to meet this little person.





What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
                    Milo, Week 23: Coasting, Gaining, Swelling
                    Ash, Week 23: Oldies But Goodies
                    Indy, Week 23: As long as we're pointing fingers...
 - Cori

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Baby 4 Week 22: Locked in My Room Hiding From Kids



Week 22

The kids have been waking up way early this week, and insane, so today I'm writing from my room with the door locked. I can hear them, I know what they are doing... but seriously... if they are anywhere close to me they completely lose it. Without me in sight, they are all three playing with the train set fairly happily. I feel zero guilt hiding from them right now.

Oddly enough, even on off weeks like this, I am not looking forward to having a fourth any less. I don't know what this means about me. It has never occurred to me to ask moms with more kids than me how they handle it. I've never thought "I can't have another kid like (insert hardest of my kids)." For me having three kids is really not that different from two, and I can't imagine how different four could be. If you already aren't sleeping and the house is already a mess, and screaming is already the soundtrack to your day... what is one more? I have heard other parents of big families share the same kind of sentiments. I think the biggest difference between one kid and three kids is you learn to let go of a lot of stuff... or at least... if you have three kids and you are happy to welcome another you have learned how to let go of a lot of stuff. Eric never asks when dinner will be on the table and why none of the kids are wearing pants... but we do lay in bed at night and just talk about how awesome they are, and that we can't wait to meet this one. I'm feeling tempted to unlock the door and hug them all now... not that tempted though...

This was an especially awesome week in this pregnancy. I went on a couple really great runs on days when I didn't lift weights, no heartburn, feeling lots of movement, though it's all very muffled. We have our anatomy scan on Monday where we could find out if we are having a Lyla Paige or Everett Levi... but we are staying strong. Or at least I am, Eric will be working. So there will be pictures and video of that next week. So crazy that we totally could know and we aren't!

Oh... and my current  pregnancy obsessions are rice cakes (usually brown rice cakes) and apricot kefir. When I put the kids down for naps... this is my party for one.




Oh... I was going to write about how Eric had an art show and several women propositioned him for sex and I got a little crazy about it... I'll share that next week maybe. I swear women can smell when a man has recently impregnated someone... like "Oh this guy is passing out babies!" ... happens every time...

Have a good week!

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
                   Milo, Week 22: Labor & Delivery Decisions 
                   Ash, Week 22: It's a...
                   Indy, Week 22: Mid-pregnancy Nest Fest

- Cori

Friday, August 8, 2014

Baby 4 Week 21: I Only Say Vulva a Few Times Here...




Week 21

This week was a mix between feeling totally normal/amazing and then being reminded that I'm 5 months pregnant. Eric started a little over month long job at UCSC yesterday... which is awesome because that means there is a chance we will have insurance with this little one arrives which means our homebirth money can be used to refinish our floors. Priorities! However, Eric working means my schedule is definitely busier, I can't run out to the gym at 10am while he sits with the daycare, I can't send him out for groceries, I can't get a nap in while he keeps the house from burning down. I'm not complaining, we most certainly need the money, but I haven't figured out how to get 6-7 workouts in a week on this schedule. I made it to the gym 3 times in the last week and I'm hoping my 2 pound gain (first gain this pregnancy) is just normal, and not reflecting the reduced activity. We will see, I have classes lined up for only Monday and Tuesday, but I hope to run on the off days. Maybe I'm obsessing.

The heartburn is here. Last week I was thinking "oh I must have eaten something." Nope. My spit gives me heartburn. I'm just living with it, pretending it's not happening for now. It is a definite reminder that I am in fact growing a person.

Another reminder... crazy vulva pressure. At first I was like "OMG I think my uterus is going to fall out of my vagina." Eric loves it when I say things like this. I can tell from the look of fear and confusion and "can that happen?" and "if it can, I hope it doesn't" on his face. After saying this a few times and trying to further describe it to Eric, because I know he is eager to hear more, I don't think that's not really what I'm feeling. It's like, total vulva pressure... that makes no sense to me. When I google it I primarily find resources on varicose veins in that area... which I've never had... legs either, or hemorrhoids... while we are on the subject bulging veins. Anyhow, it's not every day, just sometimes... you know it might happen on days when I run actually. I'll let you guys know, because I know that like Eric... you are fascinated.

I felt baby most this week. Still very sporadic. Then a couple nights ago I was laying on Ash's bed with Indy on my stomach trying to get him to sleep and I felt baby kick Indy. First sibling fight. I put my hand on that area and felt another kick, or turn... something. It was exciting. Well off to the right side... thanks to placenta insisting on being the frontman of this show.

I've checked my blood sugar a couple days... totally awesome numbers. Yay that.

Oh and for the totally not feeling pregnant and feeling amazing part... I have no problems sleeping. I don't feel any bigger. No back pain... thank God! My workouts feel pretty amazing, the other day I was totally squatting a heavier weight than two of the guys in class. Really, I have few complaints.

Well that's all for this weeks edition of more information than you needed about my pregnancy!

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
           Milo, Week 21: I Pee When I Sneeze, Can't Sleep,
           and Eat a Bottle of Tums a Day. Life's Good! 

           Ash, Week 21: Ready, Set, Grow!!!
           Indy, Week 21: Surprises

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Baby 4 Week 20: Oh Just Drink Vinegar! Ok!



Week 20

After last week's post my sweet friend, Lindsay, offered to let me borrow her doppler so I can hear baby's heartbeat. I hadn't felt baby in a long time, and barely anything before that, and while I'm not a worrier when it comes to whatever I'm growing in my tummy... it was weird to me. I fired that thing up and started looking for baby. Nothing... and nothing... and nothing... Finally I got a small moment of 140bpm and considering I wasn't running... I knew it was baby and not me. It was way off to the left side, and I lost it quickly. I then decided to listen to see if it sounded like if my placenta was anterior, or in the front of my uterus. I got the slow "swoosh, swoosh" that pretty much confirmed for me that an anterior placenta was the reason I wasn't really feeling baby.

I had heard a lot of scary things about anterior placentas... not that scary... mostly annoying. This post is an example of why anterior placentas are a pain:

Anterior placenta is to the right, click the picture
to read the article!
However, none of my students have had any complications with their anterior placentas, and my midwife said nearly half of all placentas are anterior and it doesn't really cause significant issues, if any. My midwife confirmed she was pretty sure I was right, which made me happy. I like being able to figure out for myself what is happening in my body. I don't like going to a doctor or midwife and saying "I don't know how to work this thing, explain my body to me."

Yesterday I started to really feel baby. Clear wiggles everywhere but in the front of my tummy, but I'll take it. I have had some very impressive braxton-hicks contractions as well, which I think are really neat. All about it.

I'm also getting mild heartburn. I like it. I've been able to mostly avoid it by avoiding sugary foods... but little by little it is creeping up when I don't expect it. Last night I decided to try apple cider vinegar, which some people swear by. Eric googled the amount and decided to set me up with a shot class of straight ACV instead of diluting it with water. OMG. Seriously, who can drink that? It basically touched the inside of my mouth and I freaked out. I did swallow some. It didn't help and made my throat burn more. Maybe I'll try it diluted.

We have our anatomy scan set for August 18th, I think I'll be around 23 weeks? I'm happy to wait, more chunk on the baby for cuter 3D pics!

As for weight gain, there has been none, and I could not be happier. I lost 11 pounds and haven't gained anything back. I fully credit Indy weaning. I am of course also staying very active. I'm actually in better shape now than when I got pregnant. Turns out weight lifting changes my body a lot more than running. Eric is probably sick of me flexing and showing him new muscles, but I'm not yet. I will probably start gaining soon, and that's ok... I actually weigh almost exactly the same as in my last 3 pregnancies, check it out:


Yes I just told you all how much I weigh and also shared my pregnancy weight spreadsheet! The rows are my pregnancies in order from top to bottom. What is way crazy to me is that I started Indy's pregnancy at 179, and this one at 203... and ended up at exactly the same weight halfway through. Maybe I'm the only one that thinks that's cool... but I totally do! I'm totally not going to stress out about how much I weigh when the weight class teacher is pointing out that the pregnant girl is lifting the heaviest weight (not in a shaming way). Being strong is cool :)

I think we should do a belly compare... yes???

20 weeks with baby 4!
20 weeks with Indiana!

20 weeks with Ashley!
21 weeks with Milo!


 That was fun, have a good week!

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Baby 4 Week 19: Maybe a Little Ragey




Week 19

Another week of little to no pregnancy feelings. Sometimes I get a little concerned about not feeling baby much or at all. Not concerned enough to actually do anything, because I don't think I should be concerned... but sometimes I let myself imagine what if something is actually not ok... and how it would all play out, where would I have the baby if it had died, what might it be like, which isn't unique to this pregnancy. If this makes any sense, in the most practical way possible, I've always tried to be very honest with myself that a pregnancy does not guarantee a baby. I've been like that from the start. I've known too many women who said they never believed it could happen to them, but then it did. I've poured over photo shoots from Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, I don't skip over still birth stories, I've written about my need to do this before. As sad as a loss would be, I would hope that being familiar with resources, others' stories, and a knowledge of how common it can be would help. I don't know... and maybe you never really do until it happens.

Anyhow, when I think I feel the baby, it's always such a faint movement, I could be imagining it. I'm not sure if the position of the placenta this early could affect feeling baby, but that's something I'm considering. I really just look forward to clear, frequent movements... also looking forward to hearing baby at my appointment next week. That will be a relief.

I have had one likely symptom of my pregnancy plaguing me this week... and it's that I'm just a little ragey. Now... to be completely clear... this does not mean I'm wrong... I've definitely been right every time I've lost it... but I may have gone from zero to rage a little a lot I don't want to admit this quicker than normal.

What does this look like? Well on Friday I sent Eric to the store to pick up snacks for the Rodeo. I told him to get crackers (I even drew a picture of the container and sent it with him), healthy already popped popcorn, cheese and turkey. When describing the crackers, Eric asked me if I meant Pringles. I said no. I mean any kind of cracker in one of these to go containers:


He came back with Pringles. And kettle corn, and Fruit by the Foot (WHAT?), $18 worth of cheese and turkey, and milk that was also way too expensive. The whole point of this trip was that we would spend less than if we ate out, but it came out to $40. Long story short... and lots of yelling... I eventually wondered if I could be married to someone who seriously brought home Pringles after we had a clear conversation about Pringles not being what I was describing... and what about our future??? We can't be splurging on Fruit by the Foot (which I have never purchased) when Eric is unemployed and we are paying for a home birth out of pocket!

I was ok eventually, and Eric returned the Pringles. 

I finally decided to join a gym. I had been popping around using free passes at different gyms, doing youtube workouts, and running. I knew my days of being self motivated were numbered though... and my "runs" have a lot more walking time every week. I tried In Shape and they did offer the most classes. Things are pretty tight here, so I had to weigh the importance of staying in shape against having a little bit of breathing room in our budget. Basically... I just keep having to asking myself what am I willing to pay for this birth. So far... the answer keeps coming back, "a lot" or "whatever it will take." It's only $39... less than what Eric can pay for one snack spree... and if I get one weekend/evening babysitting gig a month I'll more than cover it. 

Just worked out, still running some, running shirts barely fit.
18 weeks and 5 days.


Physically, I feel amazing. no back pain, I don't feel big at all. I've been testing my blood sugar once or twice and week and it's been fine. Next week will be the halfway mark! Talk to you then!


What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
           Gives You Lemons

-Cori





Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Baby 4 Week 18: Pregnancy + Jump Rope = Public Urination


A doula friend asked me what my hair looked like
if I didn't curl or straighten it. So here it is...
it's very poofy... that's what it looks like.
Week 18

Not sure I need to even tell this story... we all know how it ends right? I pee at the gym... that's how it ends. Ok I'll tell the story... that's the whole point of the blog right?

I had a free pass to one of the local gyms and I decided to check it out. I've actually been to the morning class, but that teacher said I should try the evening class as it's pretty different. The classes are very... crossfit like... it's high intensity for sure, but I am good about modifying. I got there and everyone is... well... everyone looks like they are their after picture already... I definitely feel like I stand out. I'm really happy when we get passed the everyone is chatting and I know no one part of class and start working out. I'm sure it's 100% me and everyone is super nice... but I felt like the new kid at school... the new fat kid with weird hair.

It's without a doubt a fun, hard class. When ever we run I keep up, I'm usually last, but pretty much even with the next to last person. We run outside the building and come back and jump rope... a little higher intensity than what I can handle... my muscles are totally in, but my lungs and heart not so much. It's like they just can't keep up, which is frustrating. I pushed myself to the point where I became dizzy so I backed off... usually I am limited by my muscles, I don't like other systems wussing out but I figure passing out at the gym would be pretty embarrassing.

Also failing... my bladder. Three rounds in, I'm jumping... and then... I'm really grateful I'm wearing black pants. I run to the bathroom but the damage is done. Totally not noticeable and I do complete the hour workout... but I think jumping rope is out for me. I seriously do not feel pregnant... until things like that happen.

Indy completely weaned this week. My milk is totally gone... like... I cannot even express a drop. Indy has no interest. If I offer he will pinch or hug my boob... or blow a raspberry on it... but not breastfeed. I feel ok about it though, he is 16 months old... it was a good run.

I'm super into grapefruit right now... which apparently raises my blood sugar excessively. Not crazy, but my two hour after having a grapefruit and cheese was 127, and it should be under 120, and 90 is normal for me. I'm limiting myself to half a grapefruit at a time. Peaches are still a favorite.

I'm really missing ice cream. I looked up the nutrition facts for the Oikos Greek frozen yogurt and I was not impressed. Still lots of sugar, and not that much more protein. I have a feeling even those banana cheater ice creams would be too much sugar.

I've only felt baby a few times still, I felt a good little swoosh a couple days ago. I hope to feel baby a lot more soon!

Have a good week!

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
           Milo, Week 18: A Poke Hello, Laxative Baby
           Ash, Week 18: Me VS My Cardiovascular System
           Indy, Week 18: The NYC Edition

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Baby 4 Week 17: See Ya Later Cervix




Week 17

My activity level has been curbed a bit by some persistent injuries. I've been weightlifting and doing PiYo, but today I don't even think I can swing PiYo. Injury one is my left ankle. No idea what I did, but my achellies hurts. Icing and resting. Injury two is the joint that connects my big toe to my foot on my right foot. It hurts... a lot... That joint has been enlarged since my last pregnancy... podiatrist was basically like "yeah it's fucked up, this is your life now," right after Indy was born. Maybe not exactly in those words. It hasn't bothered me much, now it does. Podiatrist blamed relaxin, the hormone that relaxes ligaments during pregnancy, and so do I. You are the worst relaxin... the worst. And your name sucks. Overall, I do feel really good, but to stay feeling good, I need to stay active. Trying to work up a sweat off your feet is hard... and no sex jokes... I know what I wrote.

In other news my cervix is gone. It happens every pregnancy. I don't know where it goes... maybe it's flown south for the pregnancy... I don't know. Well I do know... it's just really far back... but I like to think it's like "yeah... no... peace out, see you when all this is over."

Why do I even know where my cervix is or isn't right now... because I'm just always interested. I check it often through my cycles to see where I'm at fertility wise (which is really working out, I totally tend to know I'm fucking up when we have sex when we shouldn't) and I think I have some scar tissue on it from my last birth... so that and how it may affect this birth interests me. So yeah... curious, I checked and it's gone. We've gone over before how hard it is to reach when I'm pregnant... remember when I made Eric check my cervix when I was 41 weeks pregnant? Even midwives, nurses, and doctors struggle. So anyhow... it's gone. I'll probably see it sometime next year.

I am failing at cooking dinner, but my diet is fantastic. When you don't cook you either eat lots of processed stuff, you eat out, or eat lots of raw thing. I'm eating lots of raw things... all meals are basically bigger snacks. Apples, cheddar cheese, Greek yogurt and some nuts may not look like a meal... but it totally is in my world right now. I'm obsessed with peaches... rock hard white peaches... I did have a moment with needing a crunchy taco from Taco Bell Monday night... but overall... craving pretty healthy things. When I do cook... I feel proud of myself for the rest of the week... so I don't feel the need to cook again. Overall I feel good about what I'm feeding baby.

I still have not felt baby, I think I may have felt him or her on Saturday at the Baby Fair while I talked with doula Kat, but I can't be sure. I've had a few more moments like that. Anxiously waiting!

We'll talk again soon :)

What this week was like with my other pregnancies:
           Ash, Week 17: Drama Bean
           No 17 week Indy post